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Post by Sam on Dec 10, 2018 20:20:03 GMT
(I hope this posts in the right place, I'm unused to forums so I'm still figuring this out.)
Hi, everyone! My name is Sam. I'm 18 years old and a recent high school graduate.
I've always daydreamed more than can probably be considered "normal," but its started getting obsessive and maladaptive as I was going into my tween and teen years. Its mostly a coping mechanism for me. I never felt like I belonged with my peers when I was younger, so I turned to books, and those books formed the basis for the alternate universes and alternate mes.
I've had an anxiety disorder since I was very young and by the time I got into my early teens, it was so bad that I had to leave the public school system. I spent my high school years at an online school, almost completely cut off from my peers and the friends that I had made before I left regular school.
My anxiety and inability to leave my house created a need for a different way to express myself, so I turned to daydreaming more and more. It became a substitute for creating real change in my life.
I began to realize a few months ago that my daydreaming was doing much more harm than good. Yes, it gave me the ability to express emotions that I can't in real life, but they're like pseudo-emotions. Not to mention, it takes up hours and hours of my day.
I've been trying to stop for several months now, but I'm not making much progress. I've limited my phone time (I use music as a conduit for the daydreaming), deleted most of the saved music that triggers the daydreams, and put together punishments, and I still can't stop.
It's literally an addiction. I feel the compulsion to daydream and its almost impossible to ignore. I think, oh just this one more time, then I'll stop. And then again. And again. Even though, by now, daydreaming has lost its satisfaction and mostly just makes me feel empty. I find that its very similar to OCD and dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking), both of which are things that I have.
I'm not used to participating in forum-like things, but I'm going to try to be as active as possible, as I really would like to get rid of the daydreaming. Or at least the maladaptive portion of it.
I feel like I'm missing the things that I should have put in this thread, so I'm open to questions if you have any.
Love always, Sam
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Post by Sam on Dec 10, 2018 20:31:14 GMT
Hello Sam, welcome to the forum. Your story is similar enough to mine that I feel I can relate a good bit. From my experience, punishments are never good. You're already being punished anyway. It's a terrible addiction. I know, I'm not a huge fan of punishments either, but the ones that I set up are mostly things to discourage me from daydreaming. Such as deleting things that aid my daydreaming or say, banning something I enjoy for a certain amount of time. It sucks, but without punishments I physically can't stop myself from daydreaming. I have a hard enough time even with the punishments, but without them its next to impossible.
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Post by katie on Dec 10, 2018 20:44:48 GMT
Hello Sam I think we can all say here that it is a real addiction disorder and I use it as a coping mechanism too and well done for trying different ways to stop it. I give myself so many hours a day to daydream or its just going to catch up on me when I don't want it too. I go to work and do what I have to do when I get home then I daydream for a few hours. I found my MD is not as bad as it was when I was younger but I didn't know what it was I was doing back then and I hadn't got any support back then so hopefully reading and discussing about how other cope with it will help you find a way.
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Post by Dimmer on Dec 10, 2018 20:47:07 GMT
Hey Sam, welcome to the forum! A weirdly high number of MDers are skin-pickers, I dunno, it's a thing we do.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2018 20:58:17 GMT
Hi Sam, nice to meet you!
My story is very similar to yours. My daydreaming addiction started when I was around 13 (I'm 26 now), as a way to cope with the fact I was an outcast and didn't fit in anywhere. When my anxiety disorder developed in my mid-teens I daydreamed a lot to cope with it, and I still tend to do that a lot.
Anxiety and being unable to leave is the house is something I really relate to. Also, this line "It became a substitute for creating real change in my life." I've never heard it put better than that.
I've gone through phases of punishing myself by taking away triggers, sometimes in the moment it worked, but other times I suffered for taking away the one thing that was able to help me when nothing else could. It is an addiction, but hopefully also something that can be managed and treated.
My advice is to take your time, maladaptive daydreaming can't be gotten rid of quickly, it takes patience and progress. Also, always be kind to yourself!
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Post by Sam on Dec 10, 2018 21:37:46 GMT
Hey Sam, welcome to the forum! A weirdly high number of MDers are skin-pickers, I dunno, it's a thing we do. That is weird. Maybe because (at least for me) skin picking tends to occur in an almost dissociative state, during which I do daydream? Or because having one problem with resisting compulsions makes you more likely to have problems resisting compulsions in other areas as well?
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Post by rumiyya on Dec 11, 2018 11:36:55 GMT
Hello Sam, I used to do a lot of deep fantasy to music throughout my life that I used to help with my sever anxiety and depression, low self esteem etc. Music gave me a way to act out emotions that made me feel in control and focused and of course a positive center of attention fantasy wise. It never occurred to me there was anything wrong with me - but then I grew up before the internet and accessing some aspects of day dreaming was actually hard work and took real time and attention to pull of, not to mention waiting for the valves to warm up!!. I would have loved role play games if they had existed back then.
What really changed for me was; not having time to do fantasy and having practical stuff I had to do and wanting to have some presence in the real world. Also getting dissatisfied with it - it's not real - not where I want to be. The biggy for me was finally having to deal with my underlying anxiety and depression which happened over several years when i was in my 40's.
Now I don't have any of this and I do miss it on one level - it was fun. Don't punish yourself Sam, it's all good and this is where you are now and your here for a reason. It takes a huge amount of courage to work on the underlying stuff that for some of us got us, here and having the access to services that can help is also an issue. For me it was a very good therapist who also was qualified in CBT and EMDR which I have also had. I still spend too much time on line and I pick but I do all the usual Mum stuff as well and I decided not to get into gaming as I could see where that might lead me! Punishing your self wont change things, your not a bad person, your not doing anything wrong, your just another human trying to deal with life and it's OK.
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Post by Sam on Dec 11, 2018 18:39:48 GMT
Hey Sam, welcome to the forum! A weirdly high number of MDers are skin-pickers, I dunno, it's a thing we do. Skin-picking? I don't do this. What have I been missing out on? Definitely nothing. Skin picking belongs to a group of disorders called Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs). Many people consider it to be similar to OCD, since you get a trigger and then a compulsion to pick. I've had it for years, same as maladaptive daydreaming. I've found that the two are very similar. Both are generally triggered by something (or I just do it out of habit) and then I feel a strong, almost irresistible urge to pick or daydream. I lose time in an almost dissociative state with both of them. Literal hours can go by without me noticing. Its truly not pleasant. I've got scars all over my torso because of it. Luckily I've made some progress over the past few months, so its not as bad as it used to be. Unlike maladaptive daydreaming, where the main malignant side effect is lost time or lack of satisfaction with real life, conditions like compulsive skin picking can cause actual physical damage to your body. Idk, I hope that explains it somewhat coherently? (I'm not known for being able to focus on one train of thought, so my explanations tend to be all over the place.)
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