basically, i only heard about maladaptive daydream the other day... and only today i decided to read up about it (lowkey felt like something was urging me to do it) but anyways. the more i read about it... the more i realised that i was checking almost very block. i didnt know my daydreaming could be a problem or was actually, although i did feel it was weird that i did daydream alot... and that i could feel so much real emotions (sometimes i would actually tear up due to the
plot) and also i would physically act it out, using facial expressions (genuine ones as well) when i daydream
i remember the first time it came to my attention about my "weird" daydreaming experiences. i was in highschool, during class the one time and i just slipped away in thoughts... didn't realise until a friend laughed at me for just randomly pulling faces (the facial expressions of my daydreaming self). of course then i became on high alert to not do it in public but sometimes the daydreaming just slips by me and i'm pulling the faces again because i currently ant daydream any other way...
my daydreaming as gotten to a point where i kinda struggle doing my university work... studying has always been hard because i always just find myself daydreaming about being the successful person in the hope-so-future... but how could i get there if i cant study and actually do the work in time... i guess in this case, the work can be boring and the daydreams of a fantasy future always seems better to think of.
other times, i do think of bad thoughts, scenarios of me dying or breaking up with my boyfriend and shit... and it sometimes feels so real the emotions that my day is kinda ruined and in general... it already hard for me to get out of the
moments... so then its a
day.
although the worst part of everything is that my parents don't believe in much mental illness... been through a suicidal phase and depressions - and i got told that i just over
it and that the therapist is making me
and depressed by talking about it (that is what they actually told me before - wish i was lying)... my parents believe im a perfect child with nothing wrong in her life and all my failures and sadness is from being "lazy".
i cant concentrate - it's so hard in general but my parents just say that it because i dont try hard enough and that you need to get over it... like thanks... didnt think of that before.
my daydreams are always about the future me - either being very successful and made it in life or just
events but i somehow overcome the situation an rise above it. i guess it just me trying to help myself and try to believe that i actually have a purpose and that i am able to do greater things in life... i feel my parents dont show me that support in life or that belief that i can be great and can do things. it basically gotten to the point where i dont believe in myself and now i daydreaming more then ever because i love that "other me" ( and also due to the Coronavirse lockdown and not being able to actually do something that would want to keep me in reality).
but then again... the real question is - is my daydreaming actually affecting my studies or just me as a horrible person who is destined to fail in life and daydreaming is actually helping me cope with my doomed reality.
(sorry for this long pathetic post... i just have no-one or dont feel safe with anyone to talk to about my feeling anymore - so it was nice to get somethings off my shoulders)