Post by pynkexodus on Apr 25, 2020 2:50:42 GMT
Hello. I’m new here. I’m 28, mom, wife, friend, daughter, and all the other life titles. I suffer with depression and anxiety from a rough childhood. I started therapy about 6 months or so ago. I’ve never discussed MD with my therapist but I’ve been 
about letting her know. I learned about MD about 4 years ago or so but didn’t really do much with the information. Just kind of shrugged it off since I felt like there really wasn’t anything bad about having a vivid imagination. I still have that standpoint to an extent but my thoughts are swaying as of late. Im finding that MD isn’t adding any major value to my life. Yes it’s caused me to know weird facts based on the research regarding my character. Other than that, I can’t come to any other conclusion that it doesn’t add any other value. Besides one thing, it feels good. That’s it. It feels good. Like eating after being starved, sex with the right person, or listening to a good song. I spend countless in order to feel good.
So at this point, I’m indifferent. Yes I understand having MD can be beneficial for creativity in many avenues IF it’s applied. I don’t apply it anywhere. I’ve always kept my inner world and outer world very separated. It could just be my way of ensuring, I’m not “crazy” based on my own insecurities regarding MD. I know I could aspire to be something in which my character has already accomplished so that’s something I’ve been looking at. I don’t want to let go of my MD( I honestly don’t think that’s possible, since part of the whole human gig is daydreaming) but I also am not satisfied with it anymore. I have a husband and a child, I want to enjoy them and not my daydreams. I want to learn how to speak Korean and not pretend to in my daydreams. I want my imagination to give me more. I’m not happy with a thought anymore. I want feel it, touch it, speak it, and do it. I know I have depression and anxiety as well but even when people talk sometimes I just trail off into a daydream. Don’t even mean to but it’s like my mind has auto programmed that response. I know that autopilot response once served a purpose to help me in past trauma but it’s annoying now. I’m laughing when I say this too.
This is the first time I’ve ever felt this about MD. It’s either been do it all I want because it’s a gift or get rid of it all together so I guess I’m indifferent. I just want to see what else it has to offer me so I’m just observing.
I don’t know if that was just a really bad rant or if it made sense. I’ve noticed a lot of people with MD kind of love it completely or hate it completely so I’m just wondering if anyone else is in this MD purgatory.
about letting her know. I learned about MD about 4 years ago or so but didn’t really do much with the information. Just kind of shrugged it off since I felt like there really wasn’t anything bad about having a vivid imagination. I still have that standpoint to an extent but my thoughts are swaying as of late. Im finding that MD isn’t adding any major value to my life. Yes it’s caused me to know weird facts based on the research regarding my character. Other than that, I can’t come to any other conclusion that it doesn’t add any other value. Besides one thing, it feels good. That’s it. It feels good. Like eating after being starved, sex with the right person, or listening to a good song. I spend countless in order to feel good. So at this point, I’m indifferent. Yes I understand having MD can be beneficial for creativity in many avenues IF it’s applied. I don’t apply it anywhere. I’ve always kept my inner world and outer world very separated. It could just be my way of ensuring, I’m not “crazy” based on my own insecurities regarding MD. I know I could aspire to be something in which my character has already accomplished so that’s something I’ve been looking at. I don’t want to let go of my MD( I honestly don’t think that’s possible, since part of the whole human gig is daydreaming) but I also am not satisfied with it anymore. I have a husband and a child, I want to enjoy them and not my daydreams. I want to learn how to speak Korean and not pretend to in my daydreams. I want my imagination to give me more. I’m not happy with a thought anymore. I want feel it, touch it, speak it, and do it. I know I have depression and anxiety as well but even when people talk sometimes I just trail off into a daydream. Don’t even mean to but it’s like my mind has auto programmed that response. I know that autopilot response once served a purpose to help me in past trauma but it’s annoying now. I’m laughing when I say this too.
This is the first time I’ve ever felt this about MD. It’s either been do it all I want because it’s a gift or get rid of it all together so I guess I’m indifferent. I just want to see what else it has to offer me so I’m just observing.
I don’t know if that was just a really bad rant or if it made sense. I’ve noticed a lot of people with MD kind of love it completely or hate it completely so I’m just wondering if anyone else is in this MD purgatory.
about you’re situation of isolation(If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, I totally understand) but mine is a choosing of isolation. I’m very fortunate that I have people around me that love and care for me. A lot others, don’t which I’ve never truly understood until now. I knew factually but I didn’t put it at an emotional level in which I could empathize. I have something many others don’t but I don’t show up for them . I’m there but I’m never truly there. That’s when I went into this place of indifference with the MD. It’s nice and self soothing but what is it really costing me? It helped me at one point in my life through trauma so I’m grateful to it but it no longer serves me.