Post by stevegan928 on Dec 11, 2018 17:55:04 GMT
Does anyone else get annoyed with a certain daydream but they are habitually going to it constantly? I get this when I daydream about videogames. It just seems like such a dumb thing to daydream about but I do it a lot and it fosters self hatred within me. I find myself watching YouTube videos and researching certain games for hours on end imagining myself as a YouTuber or something like that. I imagine myself right now as a Rust player who roleplays as a painter within the game and spends a lot of time aim training for gunfight encounters, he's a complete master of the game and makes video essays waxing poetically about the fun experiences you can have in Rust. He spends the rest of his time creating memes to try to shift culture on 4chan, he also lives out of his van and practices chaos magick, he has an interest in comparative esotericism and English literature. That's why he's so talented at video essays.
Anyway I went off on a tangent but the main thing I'm annoyed with is I'll just imagine him spending hours aim training in Rust. This is just the dumbest thing and I hate that I do it. I was reading YouTube comments and found myself actually jealous of what others daydream about like one girl mentioned how she's an angel in her daydreams and hangs out with her family of angels who battle demonic spirits. That's so fucking cool but I'm just here using my imagination for aim training in videogames and it produces self hatred like even in my dream worlds I'm a loser now.
Anyway I went off on a tangent but the main thing I'm annoyed with is I'll just imagine him spending hours aim training in Rust. This is just the dumbest thing and I hate that I do it. I was reading YouTube comments and found myself actually jealous of what others daydream about like one girl mentioned how she's an angel in her daydreams and hangs out with her family of angels who battle demonic spirits. That's so fucking cool but I'm just here using my imagination for aim training in videogames and it produces self hatred like even in my dream worlds I'm a loser now.
, I feel all of this. I actually don't remember a lot of the dreams I've had in the past. But I have a few that have managed to keep themselves on top. I end up having maybe two or three of them that I focus on and think about intensely sometimes. Then I tend to get bored with it or annoyed or frustrated with the repetition of it all or it just isn't making me feel the way it used. At that point, I feel kinda silly and it's like "great now you either cipher through old ones stick, with this one, come up with something new or do something constructive." I try not to come up with anything new but I can't always help it. When there's absolutely nothing good enough for me to dream about, it's like having nothing on t.v. to watch and coming back to the present life wondering what it was I was doing with my life before I started this. 
but nothing sticks, if that makes sense. that makes me foster resentment bc I spend so much time trying to get inspo from things like fanart etc but it falls flat. Here's to getting that spark for the next plot~