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Post by Sam on Jun 1, 2020 22:42:37 GMT
I mentioned in the chat that I was starting therapy, and while its not specifically related to MD right now, I thought I would make a thread where I can share some strategies or whatever that my therapist talks to me about.
I had my first appointment with her this afternoon and I did get myself to mention MD to her. She didn't already know about it, but she seemed interested in learning more so I directed her to the ICMDR and Dr. Somer's research. One of the things that we talked about that I thought would be potentially useful is using a cognitive model to examine your thoughts.
You start off by identifying a thought (or fact), then examine your first interpretation of that thought, the emotion(s) that interpretation creates, and then the behavior caused by the emotion. Once you do that, think of a more positive interpretation of the thought and examine your emotion(s) and behavior caused by that new emotion. For example:
Part 1
Fact: I'm taking a class in July (Intro to Linguistics) and I know nothing about the subject material.
Interpretation: I'm afraid of taking the class because I don't know anything about linguistics.
Emotion: Anxious and fearful of failure.
Behavior: Avoidance through compulsive behaviors that allow me to escape from the feeling, could potentially get bad enough that I drop the class so that I don't have to deal with the anxiety and fear.
Part 2
Better interpretation: I'm excited about taking the class because it will give me the opportunity to learn something new and I enjoy learning new things.
New emotion: Happiness, excitement, confidence in my ability.
New behavior: Meeting the challenge head on, allowing my fears to exist without letting them take over, control me, and override the other more positive emotions that I feel when thinking about taking the class.
I thought that this exercise would be potentially beneficial to MDers because a lot of us get stuck in daydreams based on our negative interpretations of thoughts and situations, so being able to interpret things differently would lessen the need to daydream to escape from them.
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Post by legendarydarkknight on Jun 2, 2020 8:48:02 GMT
It seems to be an interesting method of positive  ; one that requires examination of feelings and thoughts beforehand, which, I believe, is what we mostly lack. We keep to ourselves to "think better", but it's a lax expression -- WHAT are we to feel good about? What exactly are we bad that we require to think better? Towards the end of my therapy, my therapist had provided me with my own key question: "What good does this (anything I think or do) has for me?" As people, we are automatically directed to do good for ourselves in even the most painful tolls we extract on ourselves. At least, that's what I believe and found within myself. Since then, asking this key question (in key times) has allowed me to know about myself more than anything else did. I'm just throwing it out in case anyone else would find this question a useful tool; as everyone's key 'tool' is different, imo. This might looks like a more productive alteration of my method, as you not only identify your thought and examine your interpretation about it (which is basically what I do when I ask my key question to myself), but also actively work on replacing it with a better alternative, which is best of the both worlds (identification and positivity). I'm interested in how this method will work out for you and what your therapy will further yield. It's good and thoughtful you decided to share your therapy experiences here with us, thank you. I'll be looking forward to see how it goes. |
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Post by katie on Jun 5, 2020 13:16:47 GMT
Hey this seems like it has good potential in seen new strategies arise looked over this a few times but can grasp in my mind as such but looking forward to the updates about how ye are getting on. :)
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Post by flygirl on Jun 5, 2020 20:33:30 GMT
For example: Part 1Fact: I'm taking a class in July (Intro to Linguistics) and I know nothing about the subject material. Interpretation: I'm afraid of taking the class because I don't know anything about linguistics. Emotion: Anxious and fearful of failure. Behavior: Avoidance through compulsive behaviors that allow me to escape from the feeling, could potentially get bad enough that I drop the class so that I don't have to deal with the anxiety and fear. Part 2Better interpretation: I'm  about taking the class because it will give me the opportunity to learn something new and I enjoy learning new things. New emotion: Happiness, excitement, confidence in my ability. New behavior: Meeting the challenge head on, allowing my fears to exist without letting them take over, control me, and override the other more positive emotions that I feel when about taking the class. I thought that this exercise would be potentially beneficial to MDers because a lot of us get stuck in daydreams based on our negative interpretations of thoughts and situations, so being able to interpret things differently would lessen the need to daydream to escape from them. Thank you for posting this! Love this thread and post. I’m going to start using this now to see if it can help me finish so many projects I have pending. I’m glad you included these examples because at first I didn’t really understand how to breakdown my problem, but your example was perfect. 😊 |
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Post by flygirl on Jun 5, 2020 21:04:16 GMT
Towards the end of my therapy, my therapist had provided me with my own key question: "What good does this (anything I think or do) has for me?" This sounds very similar to what my therapist would tell me. She kept reminding me to stop being a martyr. Unfortunately, since moving back home, I’ve regressed more into my martyr role. In turn my MD has increased because I have major avoidance issues when I feel overwhelmed. |
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Post by legendarydarkknight on Jun 5, 2020 22:44:26 GMT
Towards the end of my therapy, my therapist had provided me with my own key question: "What good does this (anything I think or do) has for me?" This sounds very similar to what my therapist would tell me. She kept reminding me to stop being a martyr. Unfortunately, since moving back home, I’ve regressed more into my martyr role. In turn my MD has increased because I have major avoidance issues when I feel overwhelmed. Boy, oh boy; that's seriously similar to how things went down with me as well. My therapist had told me to stop victimising myself by clinging onto the traumas I had. For some time, it went really well (kinda still does); but with the pressure of the final semester and especially returning home afterwards (where all my demons resurfaced again), I started to avoid all my problems more and gave myself in to a period of utter uselessness. Blaming myself and others about everything that I did and couldn't in life. But then, I found out about this condition, I found out about here (which didn't stop my daydreams to get insane proportions), and slowly with the help of this forum and people here, I started to tackle my problems on very slowly; just as you will, no doubt. I'm not much to speak about it as I'm still struggling about the 'martyr' stuff and the overwhelming list of things I have to do; but for what it's worth, give yourself all the time you can spare. Trying to tackle avoidance itself is overwhelming in the first place. Do not to pressurise yourself for it. |
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Post by Sam on Jun 8, 2020 22:08:17 GMT
My therapy appointment today was a little harder because my anxiety has been through the roof for a few days, but I still got some good stuff from her.
She had me do an exercise where I find 5 things that I can see, feel, and hear, and then combine them. So, like just listing one of each, I could see the necklace I have hanging above my desk, feel the fidget toy I had in my hands, and hear my fan running in the background. She had me do each sense individually, and then pay attention to all three at once. She also suggested doing abdominal breathing while doing the exercise. Its grounding and should help with anxiety.
She also talked with me about exposure therapy, which I've done before, but she clarified some things that I'd forgotten (and have kind of been doing wrong as I've been doing exposures on my own). Originally, she was talking about doing the exposures related to my agoraphobia, but when I mentioned applying the process to my compulsive picking urges, she said it should work for that too. The same goes for the urge to daydream.
Basically, when doing exposures you start off small (this is specifically related to anxiety exposures, but sort of applicable to other exposures as well) and the goal is to focus on the physical sensations you get, either from the anxiety or from resisting the urges. For me, resisting the urge to pick or to daydream exacerbates the body tension I get from the urges themselves. So for the exposure, I would just pay attention to the physical sensation of tension. Like meditating, except focusing on sensation instead of the breath. You don't do anything that might distract you, and while your attention is sure to drift, you bring yourself gently back to your point of focus. Over time, the physical sensations will wane.
This is important because not only does it actually decrease the physical sensation you feel in the future, it also gives you the practical knowledge that the urges and the unpleasant physical sensations that accompany them eventually pass. That knowledge lessens the emotional response you feel when you feel the urges (the panic of, "oh my god, this feels so terrible, it'll never end").
Specifically for exposures for anxiety and such, the important thing to remember and do (that I haven't been doing) is getting your anxiety up to whatever level you want it to be at for the exposure, then STOP DOING THE EXPOSURE and just sit with the physical sensation of that level of anxiety until they pass. My therapist said that for a 3/4 on the 10 point scale, it'll probably take about 20-40 minutes for the sensations to pass. Higher levels of anxiety will take more time.
I hope this is helpful? IDK if it is, but I'm gonna continue doing it anyway because writing things out like this helps me to remember them.
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Post by Sam on Jun 15, 2020 22:49:54 GMT
The main thing that came out of my appointment today was the need to become aware of the thought patterns that occur between triggers and behaviors/physical sensations.
For example, with daydreaming, you encounter something that triggers you, say, a scene in a book. You probably feel that once you encounter that trigger, you immediately start feeling the urge or even immediately start daydreaming. But there's a minuscule amount of time between those two things, during which you have your thoughts and evaluations about the trigger, and those are what cause the urge/behavior. So with the scene in the book as a trigger: I read a scene in a book that is, let's say, romance-related. Once that happens, it feels like I immediately get the urge to daydream. But I don't. There's a fraction of a second where my evaluation or appraisal of the scene occurs. During this, I have thoughts like, "I'm never going to have a relationship like this," along with feelings of loneliness. Those thoughts and feelings are what actually cause me to either feel the urge to daydream or actually start daydreaming.
The thought process occurs so quickly, and in many cases, so automatically, that after years of it happening, you don't notice. But it is essential that you work to notice it. Once you do, you can begin to respond to those thoughts in a healthier way. Going off the example above, when I have those feelings of loneliness and thoughts about how I'll never be in a relationship like that, I could accept that those thoughts exist without trying to push them away or hide from them while also acknowledging that just because I thought it doesn't mean its true. "Always" or "never" thoughts are usually indicators of all or nothing thinking, which is a cognitive distortion.
Again, using the example above, when I'm able to understand the thoughts that come between the trigger and the behavior, I see that the urge to daydream comes from a place of insecurity. So another thing that I could do, not in the moment of the urge to daydream, where I want to accept my thoughts as they are, but overall in my everyday life, is to address that insecurity. Do I need to work on my interpersonal skills? Do I need to work on getting out of my comfort zone? Things like that that address the reason why that specific thing (a scene in a book) triggers the thoughts that it does.
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Post by legendarydarkknight on Jun 19, 2020 20:20:44 GMT
I hope this is helpful? IDK if it is, but I'm gonna continue doing it anyway because writing things out like this helps me to remember them. It is. Especially your first entry (I couldn't read the others with a clear mind yet) helped me personally immensely since I had a similar method of identifying my thoughts (though I usually abandon and get back to it when the thoughts are running wild), and it provided an even better identification process. So, whether you want to write these down for personal remembrance or to share them with the forum for our sakes, continue to do so. I appreciate the effort you put in documenting these sessions (it is NOT an easy task), and I'm pretty sure the others appreciate and benefit from your efforts and experiences as well. Thank you. |
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Post by madamebovary on Jul 3, 2020 10:32:21 GMT
Yes, please continue writing! :) It is all very interesting and some good insights, and I feel like I would need to revisit what you have been writing to remember everything and try to apply it to myself.
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Post by Sam on Jul 3, 2020 17:29:38 GMT
I forgot to write about my last few therapy appointments and now I apologize if this makes no sense because I took a benadryl earlier and am now having trouble stringing a coherent sentence together.
However, the main thing that came out of it is the importance of sitting with my emotions, whether its anxiety or loneliness or anger, etc. Part of the reason why I daydream maladaptively is to process/regulate my emotions as well as run away from them. So when I feel the urge to daydream (or pick at my skin), I need to identify what emotion I'm feeling that triggered that urge. Like, if I'm watching a movie and a really cute friendship scene happens and it makes me feel lonely, I need to do the exposure I talked about a few weeks ago. Stop, scan my body to find where and how I'm feeling the physical sensations of loneliness, and then sit with those sensations until they fade. Emotions aren't harmful. They just exist.
After you sit with them, ask yourself if there's something you can do to address what caused them. Using the example above, what could I do about feeling lonely? Well, in-person stuff is no good right now, but I could reach out to my friends more over text or video chat. I could join a club through my college. I could do exposure stuff to become better at socializing so that once I can see people in person again, my anxiety won't hold me back from doing that.
I'm doing terrible at explaining this. In the moment, when you're feeling them, sit with your emotions. In general, ask yourself if there's anything you can do to address them. It's important to address them, but you aren't asking yourself that and doing something as a way to avoid sitting with the emotions. Regardless of whether you can address them, you're still sitting with them.
Basically, sit with your feelings instead of running away from them and ask yourself if there's anything you can do to address them. If you're daydreaming because you're lonely, could you try to socialize a bit more (even just on the forum)? If you're daydreaming because you're anxious, could you do some exercise or something to relieve the anxiety? If you're daydreaming because you're depressed, could you rely on some other coping skills like journaling or talking to a friend or a therapist? If you're daydreaming because you're angry, could you do breathing exercises to get your anger under control and then see if there's something that needs to be changed (often, we get angry because we're feeling threatened or like something in our lives needs to change)?
I really hope this somewhat makes sense. I'm never trying to explain things after taking a benadryl again.
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Post by avie on Jul 11, 2020 5:34:01 GMT
The main thing that came out of my appointment today was the need to become aware of the thought patterns that occur between triggers and behaviors/physical sensations. For example, with daydreaming, you encounter something that triggers you, say, a scene in a book. You probably feel that once you encounter that trigger, you immediately start feeling the urge or even immediately start daydreaming. But there's a minuscule amount of time between those two things, during which you have your thoughts and evaluations about the trigger, and those are what cause the urge/behavior. So with the scene in the book as a trigger: I read a scene in a book that is, let's say, romance-related. Once that happens, it feels like I immediately get the urge to daydream. But I don't. There's a fraction of a second where my evaluation or appraisal of the scene occurs. During this, I have thoughts like, "I'm never going to have a relationship like this," along with feelings of loneliness. Those thoughts and feelings are what actually cause me to either feel the urge to daydream or actually start daydreaming. The thought process occurs so quickly, and in many cases, so automatically, that after years of it happening, you don't notice. But it is essential that you work to notice it. Once you do, you can begin to respond to those thoughts in a healthier way. Going off the example above, when I have those feelings of loneliness and thoughts about how I'll never be in a relationship like that, I could accept that those thoughts exist without trying to push them away or hide from them while also acknowledging that just because I thought it doesn't mean its true. "Always" or "never" thoughts are usually indicators of all or nothing thinking, which is a cognitive distortion. Again, using the example above, when I'm able to understand the thoughts that come between the trigger and the behavior, I see that the urge to daydream comes from a place of insecurity. So another thing that I could do, not in the moment of the urge to daydream, where I want to accept my thoughts as they are, but overall in my everyday life, is to address that insecurity. Do I need to work on my interpersonal skills? Do I need to work on getting out of my comfort zone? Things like that that address the reason why that specific thing (a scene in a book) triggers the thoughts that it does. I really appreciate this and the other tips you have shared. I know my triggers and some of the root causes, but dealing with them is down right hard! So, thanks for sharing a few things that you find helpful! |
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Therapy
Jul 24, 2020 2:55:59 GMT
via mobile
Sam likes this
Post by camilasso on Jul 24, 2020 2:55:59 GMT
I forgot to write about my last few therapy appointments and now I apologize if this makes no sense because I took a benadryl earlier and am now having trouble stringing a coherent sentence together. However, the main thing that came out of it is the importance of sitting with my emotions, whether its anxiety or loneliness or anger, etc. Part of the reason why I daydream maladaptively is to process/regulate my emotions as well as run away from them. So when I feel the urge to daydream (or pick at my skin), I need to identify what emotion I'm feeling that triggered that urge. Like, if I'm watching a movie and a really cute friendship scene happens and it makes me feel lonely, I need to do the exposure I talked about a few weeks ago. Stop, scan my body to find where and how I'm feeling the physical sensations of loneliness, and then sit with those sensations until they fade. Emotions aren't harmful. They just exist. After you sit with them, ask yourself if there's something you can do to address what caused them. Using the example above, what could I do about feeling lonely? Well, in-person stuff is no good right now, but I could reach out to my friends more over text or video chat. I could join a club through my college. I could do exposure stuff to become better at socializing so that once I can see people in person again, my anxiety won't hold me back from doing that. I'm doing terrible at explaining this. In the moment, when you're feeling them, sit with your emotions. In general, ask yourself if there's anything you can do to address them. It's important to address them, but you aren't asking yourself that and doing something as a way to avoid sitting with the emotions. Regardless of whether you can address them, you're still sitting with them. Basically, sit with your feelings instead of running away from them and ask yourself if there's anything you can do to address them. If you're daydreaming because you're lonely, could you try to socialize a bit more (even just on the forum)? If you're daydreaming because you're anxious, could you do some exercise or something to relieve the anxiety? If you're daydreaming because you're depressed, could you rely on some other coping skills like journaling or talking to a friend or a therapist? If you're daydreaming because you're angry, could you do breathing exercises to get your anger under control and then see if there's something that needs to be changed (often, we get angry because we're feeling threatened or like something in our lives needs to change)? I really hope this somewhat makes sense. I'm never trying to explain things after taking a benadryl again. This really help, i want to stop doing it, and this advice really help, thank you and please please continue doing it!!!! |
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Post by Sam on Aug 18, 2020 18:26:27 GMT
I haven't updated this in forever, my apologies. I've been trying to work on using healthy coping skills more, specifically instead of daydreaming or picking at my skin. However, I'm trying to frame it as "adding in healthy coping skills" not "removing my unhealthy coping skills by using healthy ones instead." Obviously, the latter is the ultimate goal, but as we've all seen, if our brain feels like we're trying to take MD away, it just holds on even tighter. I was having trouble motivating myself to use my healthy coping skills because using unhealthy ones is easier and feels better in the short term. My therapist suggested that I motivate myself by thinking of my long term goals. One of those goals is moving out on my own. I can't do that if I'm running away from all of my problems by daydreaming. I will remain stuck and I'll never be able to achieve that goal. But because I really want to achieve that goal, I'm motivated to use my healthy coping skills more often. I also created a Pinterest board with ideas for my future apartment, which helps me to visualize that goal. That way it's not some abstract thing that exists only in my own head. I also have trouble deciding which healthy coping skill to use, and that indecision also makes it easier for me to use unhealthy coping mechanisms, so I used an app called Tiny Decisions to create a decision wheel for me. That way, when I want to use a healthy coping skill, I can just have the app choose one for me. The healthy coping skills I have on the decision wheel are: - Exercise
- Journal
- Mindfulness
- List things I am good at
- List things I like about myself
- Sit with emotions (this is ultimately the best option, but sometimes it's hard so using any other kind of healthy coping skill is better than nothing)
- Mindful movement
- Go outside/watch birds
- Talk to a friend
- Pet cats/watch cat videos
- Interact with people (like here on the forum)
Perhaps you all will find some of them useful. |
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Therapy
Aug 19, 2020 2:17:19 GMT
via mobile
Sam likes this
Post by camilasso on Aug 19, 2020 2:17:19 GMT
I haven't updated this in forever, my apologies. I've been trying to work on using healthy coping skills more, specifically instead of daydreaming or picking at my skin. However, I'm trying to frame it as "adding in healthy coping skills" not "removing my unhealthy coping skills by using healthy ones instead." Obviously, the latter is the ultimate goal, but as we've all seen, if our brain feels like we're trying to take MD away, it just holds on even tighter. I was having trouble motivating myself to use my healthy coping skills because using unhealthy ones is easier and feels better in the short term. My therapist suggested that I motivate myself by of my long term goals. One of those goals is moving out on my own. I can't do that if I'm running away from all of my problems by daydreaming. I will remain stuck and I'll never be able to achieve that goal. But because I really want to achieve that goal, I'm motivated to use my healthy coping skills more often. I also created a Pinterest board with ideas for my future apartment, which helps me to visualize that goal. That way it's not some abstract thing that exists only in my own head. I also have trouble deciding which healthy coping skill to use, and that indecision also makes it easier for me to use unhealthy coping mechanisms, so I used an app called Tiny Decisions to create a decision wheel for me. That way, when I want to use a healthy coping skill, I can just have the app choose one for me. The healthy coping skills I have on the decision wheel are: - Exercise
- Journal
- Mindfulness
- List things I am good at
- List things I like about myself
- Sit with emotions (this is ultimately the best option, but sometimes it's hard so using any other kind of healthy coping skill is better than nothing)
- Mindful movement
- Go outside/watch birds
- Talk to a friend
- Pet cats/watch cat videos
- Interact with people (like here on the forum)
Perhaps you all will find some of them useful. Thank you for sharing with us, I'm going to do that,your advice always help and I wish you the best of luck in moving out in the future, you will do this!!! |
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; one that requires examination of feelings and thoughts beforehand, which, I believe, is what we mostly lack. We keep 
about taking the class because it will give me the opportunity to learn something new and I enjoy learning new things.
