Post by demongirl on Jun 11, 2020 5:36:58 GMT
I know this is cliche to say but ever since I was a kid i felt different. I would fantasize a way better life then I actually had. i did not really have friends and I was not really close with my family and it did not help I had a learning disability. The thing is my teacher wanted me to do more testing but my mom said no. She did not want to have a special kid so most of my childhood I felt dumb because i could not compete with other kids academically. On top of that I had a speech impediment. I was mostly tease in my youth and no other kid wanted to hang out with me.My parents had six kids and I was the second youngest so by the time I came along they were exhausted and not very hands on unlike my older siblings. There was a huge age gap between me and the older siblings so they found me annoying and weird. The only person who liked hanging out with me was my younger brother Daniel. All of this cause me to daydream a lot in my childhood. I would fantasize that I was funny, smart, and everybody loved me but this cause me to be more distant with people. i rather spends hours inside my own head then to hang out with actually people. It is weird I would sometimes fantasize someone dying in my head and i would cry and feel pain. When My Grandpa died, I did not really care and it did not cause me any discomfort. Honestly a lot of people could die in my life and I would not really care. I can act like I have actual feelings for them and they believe I do. How can I connect with people when i couldn't do it as a child. The only person i actually feelings for and not in the weird way was my brother Daniel, but now he is married and has hes own kids I do not really get to see him anymore. As you can guess i am a really depressed adult the only reason I have not killed myself is the harm that would cause my family and I was raise catholic, so I do not want to hell. Does anyone have any suggestions or tips that would help me. Thank you for reading this and its nice to know that I am not the only one. PS I should mention I am gay to so here was another thing that made me feel different and that I did not belong.
