Post by PiscesPal on Jul 11, 2020 0:12:00 GMT
Im new here, and just discovered about Maladaptive daydreaming. For so many years, I've spent most of my life inside of my head...my dream life. And before I'd go to bed I would daydream myself to sleep. When i woke up I woke up dreaming all over again. It's crazy that I thought this was normal... Until...i met a guy. Im only 18 years of age though, but i met a guy in middle school. He was cool and all, and i remember spending time with him and we'd talk, but as friends. I seen him around in 6th grade but didnt truly get to know him until 7th. Its all a blur how i developed feelings for him...i guess it was just the way he acted. All cool, calm, and collected. All i know is that in summer we started talking and flirting and constantly messaging each other. I'd spend time daydreaming about him and my old best friend going everywhere and doing all kinds of fun things. I was so engulfed in this world in my mind. He was my first love, so i prayed we'd be together for eternity...then he got into a relationship and my feelings was hurt. I stopped talking to him then. But we'd be on and off for years at this point, and each time he'd be dating other chicks throughout...all the while flirting or talking with me... Which made me feel special. But I'd obsessively daydream about him. I had known him for a good three to four years....sometimes he'd stop talking to me altogether but in my mind he was still as there as ever. We'd talk for hours on end. Its such a long story and an entire mess! But as i grew up and went into high school for my junior year (I had been homeschooled after i left my old school my 7th grade year) i hit him up again... And we hit it off...this time with a clean slate. We dated for a month. It went by so fast but my feelings at the time felt so valid. I spent more time obsessively daydreamimg about him than spending real time with him. I'd only see him for real at least three or two times in that month...but we parted ways and again my feelings hurt because i "Loved him". I spent more time imagining what he felt like than ACTUALLY spending real time with him... We did get to talk to eachother and have good enough conversations. But every little thing he said i took it and ran AND DAYDREAMED about him over and over and over. I know it's taking a long time to get to my point but please hear me out because all of this is relevant to the today information i will be saying.
Anyways...after last year of January...we really did part ways. After an argument he blocked me. I tried to make up with him and it worked for a few but i think he was tired of me. Anyways... Months pass, and by then I've lived my entire junior year living life. I would have had other situations that I've been in with other guys. I even dated and fell in love with my (now) bf...and we broke up in our relationship and got back together. But i STILL. THOUGHT ABOUT HIM. He couldn't get out of my head. I disliked the color green and barely wore it but when he told me his favorite color i wore it on my nails or just looking at green would trigger him and an imagination. He loved the moon and gave himself a nickname based off of it, and everytime i saw the full moon I'd end up having all kinds od nostalgia or imaginations about him. At first i controlled them...but then they would become too much on me. They consumed me. All he would do was be in my head. And i know we probably cant ever work and he has a girlfriend now (and im in love already as well.) And i dont WANT it to! I want my mind to be my own without him invading it everyday!!! I want my love for my bf to be there only. Every time i think of him or see pictures of him I'd shake and cry or bawl...or get nostalgic and start doubting myself. And then ESCAPE from my feelings and then daydream of him all over again...and then get tired of day dreaming about him but trace back to day dreaming about him while day dreaming about something else! I could daydream about spending time with my friends and then somehow five minutes of obsessive day dreaming he would pop back in my mind. So much so until i thought i was insane and needed HELP!!!! I eventually get through this but still wonder why it was so hard to stop
about him even though he's gone and he blocked me forever and for GOOD. Without realizing i had MDD... I started to adapt and force myself to stop or find ways to control myself...and it's been working. But i swear i have never found a group of people i relate with about this.... I love my life and my friends and i know i need to make changes to myself (that i actively imagine instead of doing) but he consumes my thoughts sometimes. And they're not even romantic. I just imagine seeing him again and being his friend... Im glad im not crazy or insane like i thought...well.. Im happy to know that I've found people who i can actually relate to through and through. If you've read all of this...thank you. I just needed to let all of that off my chest.
Anyways...after last year of January...we really did part ways. After an argument he blocked me. I tried to make up with him and it worked for a few but i think he was tired of me. Anyways... Months pass, and by then I've lived my entire junior year living life. I would have had other situations that I've been in with other guys. I even dated and fell in love with my (now) bf...and we broke up in our relationship and got back together. But i STILL. THOUGHT ABOUT HIM. He couldn't get out of my head. I disliked the color green and barely wore it but when he told me his favorite color i wore it on my nails or just looking at green would trigger him and an imagination. He loved the moon and gave himself a nickname based off of it, and everytime i saw the full moon I'd end up having all kinds od nostalgia or imaginations about him. At first i controlled them...but then they would become too much on me. They consumed me. All he would do was be in my head. And i know we probably cant ever work and he has a girlfriend now (and im in love already as well.) And i dont WANT it to! I want my mind to be my own without him invading it everyday!!! I want my love for my bf to be there only. Every time i think of him or see pictures of him I'd shake and cry or bawl...or get nostalgic and start doubting myself. And then ESCAPE from my feelings and then daydream of him all over again...and then get tired of day dreaming about him but trace back to day dreaming about him while day dreaming about something else! I could daydream about spending time with my friends and then somehow five minutes of obsessive day dreaming he would pop back in my mind. So much so until i thought i was insane and needed HELP!!!! I eventually get through this but still wonder why it was so hard to stop
about him even though he's gone and he blocked me forever and for GOOD. Without realizing i had MDD... I started to adapt and force myself to stop or find ways to control myself...and it's been working. But i swear i have never found a group of people i relate with about this.... I love my life and my friends and i know i need to make changes to myself (that i actively imagine instead of doing) but he consumes my thoughts sometimes. And they're not even romantic. I just imagine seeing him again and being his friend... Im glad im not crazy or insane like i thought...well.. Im happy to know that I've found people who i can actually relate to through and through. If you've read all of this...thank you. I just needed to let all of that off my chest.
