Post by pacingdreamer on Jul 30, 2020 11:10:34 GMT
Hello everyone! I'm Alyssa. I've been dealing with this since I was a small child. Spent hours upon hours a day running back and forth. Would literally come home from playing outside because I had to do it. Would have to do it after long stretches at school, had to explain to friends I absolutely had to go into another room so I could run back and forth and listen to music. I pick a song that's a satisfying backdrop to what I'm going to imagine and I'm gone. Many times listening to the same song (and even small clips of the song) over and over again, perfecting my head's scenario. I just always have this urge to do it. If I'm happy, inspired, frustrated, stressed, basically im constantly triggered to go inside my head and I have this compulsion to pace when I do it. I'm not going to lie, I usually enjoy it and its cathartic when its happening. But I certainly do not enjoy fighting the urge hour by hour. Bobbing my leg and fidgeting constantly. I feel like there this restless knot inside of.me that gets bigger and bigger until I do what I gotta do. Then theres relief for about 5 mins and it starts building again. It's like I'm addicted to it and my supplier is me! It's really hard to be productive when you have to freaking fight/give in to this compulsion. Waste sooo much time!!! I'm talking 4-8 hours a day! (Broken up throughout, not straight through) Told therapist about it...doctors...they've never known what to make of it! I've been trying to find something about it somewhere online for years! Eventually gave up...then tried again and here its finally coming out as a legit problem and I absolutely can not believe there are others out there!!!! What is it like for you guys? Do you have physical repetitive compulsions as well?? Does pretty much everything trigger you or just certain scenarios? I'm so curious! Has anyone found anything that's helped them? This has got to be some type of subset of OCD.
Everyone has varying triggers. There's a thread about it somewhere around here.
MD does present very similarly to OCD and other compulsive disorders like body-focused repetitive behaviors. However, while I'm sure that it does alter your brain chemistry and neural pathways in a similar manner, MD is most often an unhealthy coping mechanism rather than a distinctly separate disorder, especially at first.
Don't give up what you want most for what you want now.