Hi, I’m almost 20. I’ve been excessively daydreaming for as long as I can remember. Recently it’s gotten so vivid and real to me. I lucid dream as well.
I find myself storing up images, conversations and ideas from my real life just to use them later in my dreams and make them better.
I am so invested in these dreams that I find myself crying to fake scenarios involving friends and family, often with the idea of them dying. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and have to remind myself these things aren’t real.
I was doing some reading about MD and I’m kinda scared this is a form of schizophrenia?
I have a therapist. And she’s kind of aware of these dreams. But the thing is, my real life is kinda terrible. I’ve isolated myself. I have a toxic family and maybe only one good friend. My therapist emphasises with the fact that I’m stuck. I’m don’t know how to fix my real life and make it better so I don’t need to dream anymore.
I’d just like to dream forever. Sometimes I start my dreams are the real world and when I wake up in this terrible life that’s the real dream- if that makes sense. When I wake up I feel nothing. I don’t react and cry like I do when I’m “dreaming”. I’ve been watching horror movies just to feel something in real life, even though I have such high anxiety I already feel scared in real life in general.
My daydreams keep me up all night. I usually sleep at 4am or later and sleep half the day because my real life isn’t worth getting up for anyway.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like I have a purpose here. I just needed someone to vent to. I’m really thankful this forum exists, I’ve never even heard of MD till today.
How do people cope with this? Do you still feel emotions in real life? Or are your dreams better?
MD is not a form of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia includes hallucinations, among other symptoms, and that's not what our daydreams are, no matter how much we wish they were real. MD is potentially a compulsive disorder but for the most part, it's just an unhealthy coping mechanism.
What you're experiencing is actually pretty common among MDers.
Some people find that doing things that keep you present is beneficial in coping with MD. However, as I mentioned above, MD is usually an unhealthy coping mechanism, so you'll only be treating the symptoms, not the cause, if you're just trying to cope with MD without addressing the reasons why your daydreaming is maladaptive.
Dreams are always going to feel better than real life. Even non-MDers feel that way. In your daydreams, you control everything. Nothing unexpected happens and you can always deal with what life throws at you. And that's just not the case for real life. Learning to accept not being in control of everything could help you. Additionally, learning to sit with your emotions and real life experiences should be very beneficial.
Don't give up what you want most for what you want now.
I relate to everything you described and I was in pretty much the exact same situation. The whole not-feeling-emotions thing scared me so much, I was convinced I was becoming a sociopath for a bit. I began to care more about the people in my daydreams than the people around me. I loved my daydreams so much and hated real life so much that I started to let myself slip into this mindset that the daydreams were real and real-life was fake, because that made me happier. Know that you aren't alone in what you are describing. I just moved away to university and getting away from my family made things so much better. Once you can get to a better environment, I think it makes it so you feel comfortable and safe living in the real world instead of in your head. I wish you luck, I know how hard it is and how badly it can hurt to be in your position.