For the past 5 years, MD has consumed all my time because my home life is very bad. But I recently moved out for college, and for the 5 days I was away, I didn't daydream at all. I was the happiest I have felt in 5 years. I was present and had both feet in the real world--I even talked to other students who I had never spoken to before and made friends!!! Then hurricane Laura and tropical storm Marco came into the picture and I had to evacuate and go back home.
I have been home for 4 days now, almost 5, and I am beyond miserable. Having experienced my new life where I didn't have to pretend to be somewhere else has made life back home even more unbearable. I couldn't sleep last night I was such a nervous wreck watching hurricane Laura get worse. I spent the whole night in a daydream laying there while my stomach churned. I still have homework due online but I cannot do it I am so anxious and can't pull myself into this reality. This semester is very important for me and I need to pull my grades up, but I cannot do it like this. I can be totally honest and say that if I stay in this environment my MD will only worsen and my grades will suffer. I do not know what to do. Hurricane Laura is supposed to make landfall tonight and my university will most likely be flooded and I might not have a dorm to go back to.
All of my daydreams now consist of all the characters in my head comforting me and telling me it will be fine and that I'll be here for only 1 more day at most--but I don't know.
On the bright side, I do have something nice to share. I saw a post on here from a psychology student working on a paper for their masters degree. They posted a link to their questionnaire bc they're writing a paper about the triggers and themes of MD. Along with this link was an email address that they said could be used for suggestions and stuff.
I'm why I did this, but after finishing their questionnaire, I emailed them a whole essay about my journey with MD. It was very personal and I shared more about my experience in that email than I have ever shared in real life with those closest to me. They responded to me this morning and it was the kindest response--they told me they were glad I opened up and said very nice things. It made me feel a lot better and pulled me out of that world in my head for a little bit.
This has been my rant for the night. Now I shall resume life in my daydream where I feel guilty for not doing my schoolwork and everyone is telling me it's okay because a category 5 hurricane is a big deal.
I understand how you feel. Feeling nervous or stressed out makes me daydream more than i usually do too. And the part where you told somebody else about yourself will really make you feel better. Taking it off your chest will make you feel better. And you did take such a big step by telling every little detail to the other person. About your grades, yeah its very important but so is your health. You can always take a little break and calm yourself down. Don't overthink it, your college will be fine and you will go back. But till that time, breathe. It's gonna be okay...
Post by kezdoesthings on Aug 27, 2020 22:29:51 GMT
I totally understand what your going through. My home life is not ideal and over COVID lockdown my daydreaming reached dangerous levels. I have found that writing stuff about your daydreams down, like that essay you did, which takes a lot more energy than just about it is a good way to ground yourself in reality. Please remember that your compulsion to MD will go up and down and just because it's at a high level now doesn't mean it always will be. As long as you work at it and learn your triggers you can get back to the place you were at