Hi this is my story and i hope someone share theirs too
Aug 31, 2020 6:10:29 GMT
alvi and river like this
Post by severalworlds on Aug 31, 2020 6:10:29 GMT
hello,
i am a little awkward but otherwise pretty energetic. i was recently told about M.D. and finally felt like a small piece of me was coming back as i have since realized that i am not the only one in the world who struggles with this. i can remember the first time it started was when Lindsey Stirlings song shatter me first came out, and the song had resonated with me so vividly that i would dance what little bit of ballet i could while imagining my self in this world of the snow globe. at the time i lived in a two story house with a loft area at the top of the stairs where no one in my family would go, this is where i would daydream. (tho up until recently i didnt call it that, i didnt know what to call it.) as my daydreaming progressed i wanted to move my body more past the realm of my skill level, so instead of the easily justifiable dancing i moved on to pacing and running back and forth. being as i did this upstairs in a cheaply built house, the floor boards started to flex and creak under my weight but i couldnt hear it over my music. my mother was ripping both of our hair out over this, she would scream at the top of her lungs at me about how this was weird and not normal. my mother couldnt understand my need to do this and denied me saying that the urge to get up and daydream was demanding and i didnt have the strength to say no. my legs would bounce and my neck would itch, my usual bubbly personality would turn sour and cranky, and i had the gull to direct this behavior outwards instead of bottling it up which got me grounded several times. i was never taken to any form of therapist even when i pleaded to my mother that i didnt feel right anymore when i had finally turned 18 i went to a therapist on my own, it was someone cheap whom i could afford with out insurance so i dont really really know the reliability of their diagnosis and niether did my mother when i told her. while i didnt discuss the daydreams i did talk about other things and was told that i have mild paranoia. again my mother didnt understand and rather than try to help me she took what i was telling her as an insult to how she raised me. i didnt bother going back as the result just made it all worse.a month before my 20th birthday i moved in with my sister and even though she doesnt understand the things i tell her about myself she also doesnt deny them, she admits that she has no clue how to help and i dont blame her for not trying to in fear of making it worse. she has caught me in the act of running back and forth to blaring loud music a few times and even though i am extremely embarrassed every time she acts nonchalant like as though it is an everyday thing that everyone does and lets me be without any judgement. i dont know what i will do about this condition long term as ive been asked many times how i plan to cope with this when im a full grown adult with a husband and children, and the answer is i dont know. while i would like to give it up and go back to a normal life style i also dont want to get rid of my greatest comforts. so that has brought me here.
i am a little awkward but otherwise pretty energetic. i was recently told about M.D. and finally felt like a small piece of me was coming back as i have since realized that i am not the only one in the world who struggles with this. i can remember the first time it started was when Lindsey Stirlings song shatter me first came out, and the song had resonated with me so vividly that i would dance what little bit of ballet i could while imagining my self in this world of the snow globe. at the time i lived in a two story house with a loft area at the top of the stairs where no one in my family would go, this is where i would daydream. (tho up until recently i didnt call it that, i didnt know what to call it.) as my daydreaming progressed i wanted to move my body more past the realm of my skill level, so instead of the easily justifiable dancing i moved on to pacing and running back and forth. being as i did this upstairs in a cheaply built house, the floor boards started to flex and creak under my weight but i couldnt hear it over my music. my mother was ripping both of our hair out over this, she would scream at the top of her lungs at me about how this was weird and not normal. my mother couldnt understand my need to do this and denied me saying that the urge to get up and daydream was demanding and i didnt have the strength to say no. my legs would bounce and my neck would itch, my usual bubbly personality would turn sour and cranky, and i had the gull to direct this behavior outwards instead of bottling it up which got me grounded several times. i was never taken to any form of therapist even when i pleaded to my mother that i didnt feel right anymore when i had finally turned 18 i went to a therapist on my own, it was someone cheap whom i could afford with out insurance so i dont really really know the reliability of their diagnosis and niether did my mother when i told her. while i didnt discuss the daydreams i did talk about other things and was told that i have mild paranoia. again my mother didnt understand and rather than try to help me she took what i was telling her as an insult to how she raised me. i didnt bother going back as the result just made it all worse.a month before my 20th birthday i moved in with my sister and even though she doesnt understand the things i tell her about myself she also doesnt deny them, she admits that she has no clue how to help and i dont blame her for not trying to in fear of making it worse. she has caught me in the act of running back and forth to blaring loud music a few times and even though i am extremely embarrassed every time she acts nonchalant like as though it is an everyday thing that everyone does and lets me be without any judgement. i dont know what i will do about this condition long term as ive been asked many times how i plan to cope with this when im a full grown adult with a husband and children, and the answer is i dont know. while i would like to give it up and go back to a normal life style i also dont want to get rid of my greatest comforts. so that has brought me here.
