Post by dream on Sept 5, 2020 21:02:41 GMT
I think I may have MD. It's not as debilitating as some people deal with, I guess, so I'm 
. I've always had a distracted mind, and overall I was never bothered by it (I'm a writer, so bothered was the furthest thing from it), but a few years ago I went through what was supposed to be recovery from trauma and that's left a wound in my mind that I think MD keeps trying to bandage.
Without going into specifics, there was a particular day I experienced that MD keeps building on to. There may have been two people involved, but in my head there were a dozen people there. Everything triggers my daydreaming, from waking up in the morning, to listening to music, to watching tv or working. Hell, even my dreams center around this unchanging cast of characters.
There's a catch here, too.
I'd had amnesia for over two decades, up until my recovery, and apparently these people were actively involved in my life more than I knew them to be. Most of us grew up together according to these memories. They could have had innocent roles, they could have had criminal roles, but not knowing how to trust what's a memory and what's a "daydream" (honestly I don't fantasize about the types of things I've "seen" and would rather not go through them at all) means I don't really know for sure what we've been through together, and I don't really want to ask them.
Every time I reach a point where I am just plain tired of what's going on I counsel myself with the "this isn't real, you're obsessed with versions of these people you've created in your head" method -thanks to Ariana Grande's song for giving me that bit of advice- I can almost make the daydreams go away. Not completely, but almost. Then I go to bed at night and I have a dream about one of the people and I can't fight the MD. It's a persistent little bugger!
What I want, what I really want, is to be able to write novels again. Since my MD has taken this turn, the fictional cast of characters that I'd actually made up in my head has been all but silenced. That's why I don't want to take meds, because I still want to daydream, I just don't want to daydream about these "real" people. I mean, sure I want to pursue some of these things I daydream about, but overall it's interfering with my real fantasies, which I actually want to be having.
. I've always had a distracted mind, and overall I was never bothered by it (I'm a writer, so bothered was the furthest thing from it), but a few years ago I went through what was supposed to be recovery from trauma and that's left a wound in my mind that I think MD keeps trying to bandage. Without going into specifics, there was a particular day I experienced that MD keeps building on to. There may have been two people involved, but in my head there were a dozen people there. Everything triggers my daydreaming, from waking up in the morning, to listening to music, to watching tv or working. Hell, even my dreams center around this unchanging cast of characters.
There's a catch here, too.
I'd had amnesia for over two decades, up until my recovery, and apparently these people were actively involved in my life more than I knew them to be. Most of us grew up together according to these memories. They could have had innocent roles, they could have had criminal roles, but not knowing how to trust what's a memory and what's a "daydream" (honestly I don't fantasize about the types of things I've "seen" and would rather not go through them at all) means I don't really know for sure what we've been through together, and I don't really want to ask them.
Every time I reach a point where I am just plain tired of what's going on I counsel myself with the "this isn't real, you're obsessed with versions of these people you've created in your head" method -thanks to Ariana Grande's song for giving me that bit of advice- I can almost make the daydreams go away. Not completely, but almost. Then I go to bed at night and I have a dream about one of the people and I can't fight the MD. It's a persistent little bugger!
What I want, what I really want, is to be able to write novels again. Since my MD has taken this turn, the fictional cast of characters that I'd actually made up in my head has been all but silenced. That's why I don't want to take meds, because I still want to daydream, I just don't want to daydream about these "real" people. I mean, sure I want to pursue some of these things I daydream about, but overall it's interfering with my real fantasies, which I actually want to be having.
