Post by october on Sept 8, 2020 18:49:29 GMT
Hello.
.
I’m relieved to see a place like this exists. Here’s my scatterbrained introduction. I go by October online. I’ve been daydreaming for as far back as middle school. I’m unsure of if it was happening before then. But as a child I used to walk to school and never feel alone although there was no one with me. My characters were my own sometimes, but most times they were from stories I’d read. I’d pull them from their worlds and place them into mine to grow and develop with me. Their names and appearance are the same but that’s about it.
For most of my life I’ve loved my ability to leave this world and go into a place of my own. It’s made me a fantastic plot developer and I write a lot of stories for friends who enjoy them. Even though I felt like I couldn’t control it, it was pleasant most of the time. Especially with music. I can put on headphones and checkout for hours.
Now that I’m older and have experienced a few things in life, it’s changed. My mom died in 2017 and my mental state seemed to go downhill from there. My dreams have gone sour. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I’ve never talked to a psychiatrist about my daydreaming. I just always disclose to them that I couldn’t focus. My daydreams have abandoned most of my characters and become real life scenarios involving me and my family members and the people I love. I find myself traumatizing myself, laying in bed and watching them die in terrible ways. I watch myself screaming in my mind and crying for my siblings and I can’t stop it. I watch so much more TV than I ever have just to keep my mind from being idle. I pull out my journal at the beginning of every day and write a list of errands to run and things to do out of fear of having free time. I will sit and stare into space drowning in some terrible scenario until I’m having a complete jaw locking panic attack. It hurts me. Today will be the day I talk to a psychiatrist about it because it’s destroying my mental stability before I even get the chance to get out of bed. I can’t function like this, I can’t work like this and I don’t want it to affect my relationship. It makes me grieve because I loved my daydreams and I don’t want to get rid of the ability to create and control such wonderfulAnd in-depth stories. I just wish they would go back to the way they were.
I hope this community helps.
. I’m relieved to see a place like this exists. Here’s my scatterbrained introduction. I go by October online. I’ve been daydreaming for as far back as middle school. I’m unsure of if it was happening before then. But as a child I used to walk to school and never feel alone although there was no one with me. My characters were my own sometimes, but most times they were from stories I’d read. I’d pull them from their worlds and place them into mine to grow and develop with me. Their names and appearance are the same but that’s about it.
For most of my life I’ve loved my ability to leave this world and go into a place of my own. It’s made me a fantastic plot developer and I write a lot of stories for friends who enjoy them. Even though I felt like I couldn’t control it, it was pleasant most of the time. Especially with music. I can put on headphones and checkout for hours.
Now that I’m older and have experienced a few things in life, it’s changed. My mom died in 2017 and my mental state seemed to go downhill from there. My dreams have gone sour. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I’ve never talked to a psychiatrist about my daydreaming. I just always disclose to them that I couldn’t focus. My daydreams have abandoned most of my characters and become real life scenarios involving me and my family members and the people I love. I find myself traumatizing myself, laying in bed and watching them die in terrible ways. I watch myself screaming in my mind and crying for my siblings and I can’t stop it. I watch so much more TV than I ever have just to keep my mind from being idle. I pull out my journal at the beginning of every day and write a list of errands to run and things to do out of fear of having free time. I will sit and stare into space drowning in some terrible scenario until I’m having a complete jaw locking panic attack. It hurts me. Today will be the day I talk to a psychiatrist about it because it’s destroying my mental stability before I even get the chance to get out of bed. I can’t function like this, I can’t work like this and I don’t want it to affect my relationship. It makes me grieve because I loved my daydreams and I don’t want to get rid of the ability to create and control such wonderfulAnd in-depth stories. I just wish they would go back to the way they were.
I hope this community helps.
