Post by Anonymous130919 on Sept 10, 2020 9:48:48 GMT
I recently heard about MD. I have never been diagnosed with anything but I was bullied and isolated for a good portion of my life. I started daydreaming when I first got an iPod. I would listen to music in my car and in my head i would imagine myself as a superstar with a love interest and i would imagine my idols watching me perform or talking with me after the show and such(yes i know it sounds stupid, it feels stupid). As I got older, I kind of started living in this daydream. I imagine myself alongside people I idolize, with a love interest with me who is also my best friend. I imagine I’m performing infront of them or sometimes(goddamn this is hard to write I bate this part of myself) I eill find certain youtube videos where people do challenges or fun things with their friends(mostly smosh challenge videos...) and I will imagine i am in that situation as the video plays and I imagine the people in the video as these characters i’m friends with. This usually starts when I see a post by someone I idolize but it also can start when I’m bored and especially when I’m going to sleep. I’m if I have MD but I know that I’ve told myself that this is wrong and it is hurting my mental state because I recognize it isnt real but at the same time it is currently the only thing that produces any serotonin so i associate the feeling of happiness with this stupid daydreaming world now and I know I dont have it as bad as some other people might have it but I have NEVER told anyone about this and it is TERRIFYING. I’ve been living in variations of the same world in which I’m the main character for at least 5 years. Idk what to do. I would appreciate some validation cause i currently feel like a fucking loser who doesn’t have anything wrong with her its just that I’m that pathetic... Oh well thanks for listening if you did. Leave a comment w ur experience if u want I would love to read it.
Post by legendarydarkknight on Sept 10, 2020 20:01:18 GMT
There's no escaping it; we're all losers who couldn't adapt to society and change their lives so we had to turn our backs on reality and to daydreams for consolation. I'm not an expert about anything, but perhaps focusing on and accepting this will unlock something within you for the change you need. And don't feel ashamed nor terrified; here, we're all suffering from similar experiences, so you can always come here to vent about anything you'd like. I've been having my own 'show' a different version of me starring for like 10-15 years now, and I learned about this condition earlier this year; so it's amazing you could discover it and this place as soon as you did.