Hi, I'm new to this forum. Maybe I can get some help in this. I hope I'm not the only one who's been through this with what I'm going to talk about. Over a year ago, I discovered that my daydreaming is more than daydreaming. It worried me because all the symptoms shown, I do all of them. I started to think I was crazy but I didn't feel that way. I think I started when I was around 13. I was going through a rough time with family issues and my mom's sickness...she passed when I was 14 and I think it heighten afterwards. I'm 19 now and I can't go a day without daydreaming. It's not bad thing sometimes but it's been causing some problems lately. I recently started a new relationship and It's been great, it has it's ups and downs but I realize the MD has been affecting it for me. I've never told anyone about my problem and I'm scared that my boyfriend might I'm crazy or something. I find myself daydreaming scenarios with my boyfriend and I, like a day before I see him...I think about scenarios of what can happen and when I spend the day with him, whatever I thought, never happens and it always makes me feel terrible. In my head, it seems wonderful and nothing goes wrong but when it's the opposite, I just overthink myself into a horrible mood or just cry. He knows about my overthinking problem but I would daydream things and accidentally put it out there that I would think is right but it just causes problems between us. I just want to to find a way that I can control MD..I know there isn't any cure but I'm scared I'm going to ruin my relationship with my daydreaming. If anyone has any things I can do to control it please..I'm all ears..
Welcome to the forum! I am going through a similar problem right now- daydreaming about ur future beforehand. When we daydream such moments, we tend to get a lot disappointed in real life because we may have a lot of expectations from ourselves and others. the problems are these expectations that u build up. "You want to get rid of daydreaming ", it isn;t that straightforward. I think finding what has made u daydream and what kind of daydreams do u always make is the key to getting control over yourself. I think so because of losing your mother you must be feeling lonely and wanted that someone would always be there for you, just like how your mom would. currently, in your daydreams you are finding that lost love from your boyfriend's character- he might be saying things that you like, would always agree with you, be a good listener (this is what i think, sorry if i am misunderstanding). But when u see ur boyfriend in this image a day before your date, you are going to be disappointed somehow because eventually he is not going to do the same thing as you daydreamt. this happens a lot with me as well. i think one solution would be to gradually shift to another sort of daydreaming that doesn't involve your boyfriend. Daydreaming about not real people but characters that you have made. i am saying this because it is going to be problematic for u to just stop and go cold turkey after 6 yrs. u may start but will be very upset that it is not working at all and may want to give up. rather, it is better to shift to some other type of daydreams...or maybe just change your plot. if you are someone that daydreams about their own future a lot..u can daydream about going somewhere u want, college trips, your dream job..things that are far fetched a bit. I think you can try this method. slowly, u can decrease your time daydreaming...talk to ppl around you, go more out with your boyfriend. you can like set time for urself everyday-if u usually daydream for total 4 hrs then today you cut off some 15 min. just set a timer or ask a friend to meet that forces you out of ur daydreams. if ull look through the forum, we have tried a lot of ways to overcome these problems- meditating, exercising, writing, drawing, practising being in the present. Trial and error is the best way to find what works for you! all the best!
Hi, thanks so much for your response. I think because of what I went through I was younger, I never really was happy all the time and I'm an introvert so I'm usually to myself, but now with him in my life, I've been feeling better and happier and I think it just triggered my daydreaming to some other level. I just annoy myself with what I'm doing lately with the daydreams and he's a very honest guy but in a nice way , he kinda takes it as overthinking, well because I told him it was overthinking, and he doesn't get why I'm in my head just assuming things that are not true. I'm gonna try to daydream about other things or the things I used to daydream about. Before I meant him, I used to daydream about myself in like a fictional life. You're right about like having expectations in my head before I see him. He's really great, It's not like he did something really disappointing, it's just I keep whatever I thought could happen when I see him and I just disappoint myself. I started to do some meditation actually but I've been so busy with school that I haven't done it in a while. I do remember my daydreaming being calmer after meditating a few times. I also got into writing out my thoughts and that's been helpful with keeping my mind busy but again, school got me busy . But thank you, it's really nice to know I'm not the only with this problem or just having extreme daydreams . I don't know I didn't think of joining on one of this forums until now.
Great that you joined tthe forum because you'll realize slowly that you are not there all alone. I know school can be really busy but try giving just 5 min to meditating. because it sounds as a source of hope for you so giving in just 5 min is always worth it. make it something like a 5 second rule just after you wake up... wake up, set the timer, meditate..off to routine. if not possible don't strain yourself but try to catch yourself from daydreaming and meditate for a min or so. Might help!
This used to happen to me a lot when I was younger - I would get myself all hyped up for days before an event or seeing someone, and then when it actually happens, it will be anti-climatic due to my excessive (and usually completely unrealistic) daydreaming, so I would get upset and disappointed. Honestly? The only way I stopped having that problem (my MD went in a different direction) was honestly just to practice stopping myself before it got too out of hand, and then restarting in a way that makes the daydreaming fun AND realistic.
Let's say I'm looking forward to an event tomorrow. I'll start daydreaming about me showing up, and everyone knows me and says hi and maybe there's a cute girl there, and we hit it off. And then I'll let myself enjoy that, and then at a certain point, I'll just say, 'okay, that's great. but not realistic. let's try again.' and I'd start the daydream over, but this time only a couple people say hi, but hey I had some good conversations and the food was great, I played cards with a couple guys and girls my age on the sofa. Much more realistic, so that when the event comes, I can say, 'alright! it lived up to my expectations/daydreams!'
TO SUM UP: with this type of problem that comes with EXD (excessive daydreaming), there isn't really a cure except the hope you'll slowly grow out of it like I did. but what you CAN do is try and redirect your daydreams so that they are just realistic enough that you won't be disappointed when you actually see your boyfriend, but just unrealistic enough that you enjoy the daydream.
I would talk to your boyfriend about MD, btw. It's something that is good to spread awareness of.
If you're daydreaming WHILE YOUR WITH YOUR BF, then try carrying a strong smell (I use pepperment) that you can rub on your wrist. Strong smells always help you focus in the moment - or at least it works for me and some other people in the forum, I know.