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Hello!
Dec 12, 2018 21:56:03 GMT
Post by leah on Dec 12, 2018 21:56:03 GMT
Hello, my name is Leah, I’m sorry if my post is really disorganized. It’s really hard for me to organize the ideas in my head. I hope that I posted in the right place English is my second language so I apologize for any mistakes in advance.
I feel like I have been daydreaming since I was a little girl, but I cannot actually pinpoint the exact age that it started. I always have been easily distracted and “too much in my head.”
In the beginning, all the daydreams were about myself in my own reality about being popular, prettier, and having really close friends. When big changes happened in my life like falling in love or marrying, the daydreams have almost stopped because all I could do was to concentrate in this event in my life, but when the thrill has passed I always came back to my daydreams, but never something that I couldn’t control. Something that I have always noticed is that the daydreams have been always influenced by my mood if I feel upset, sad, or happy that’s how I would feel in the stories in my head.
Well, approximately three years ago, I started to create this story in my head about this male character from a book, some traits are from the story in the book, but others traits such as his looks, romantic relationship, friends, are about an actor’s life, also I incorporate a lot from my husband’s intelligence and family structure in this character's life. And I have given him many weaknesses and flaws in order to make him the most realistic possible. Whatever thing that happens in my life or this actor life that I get to know about I would just incorporate it into my story. I would also grab stories from different books or series that I have read or watched and make it all connected to his life.
What got me to do research and read about maladaptive daydreaming is that it has become a little uncontrollable like I would schedule time of my day to daydream. Every time that I listen to music is just a background for this character life, and I fantasize about moments of his life that I have invented. I have to listen to music alone because when I listen to music I am pacing all the time and gesturing what is happening, which I am able to control when I am in front of people if I don't listen to music. I always have been really anxious, and I don't like where I am in my life professionally and emotionally. I feel like I am getting old and that I should have a plan to have children at this age (28), but I keep waiting because I feel that I have this need to have a career, which I am working on it before that happening. I have chosen an incredibly selective program to get into, and this semester I haven’t gotten the grades that I wanted or needed to get into this program, and that has been making me really upset and stressed. What has been holding me on it has been integrating the good things in my life into this character in my head and his life which like I said I based in this actor life but he’s not an actor in my fantasy, he has a job similar to what my husband has. Another important point is that this actor's girlfriend in real life is the other main character in my fantasy. Well, it looks like that their relationship has ended in real life, and this has triggered a lot of emotions in me at the point that I feel depressed and I have all these feelings of unworthiness in my head. The character in my head is depressed because of the breakup. I am depressed because I cannot concentrate in school, and feel like I don’t know what to do with my life if don't get into this program.
This is the first time that I have ever talked about this with anyone. I guess it feels good to know that they are other people that feel like this too. This has gotten really long, sorry about that. If you read thank you so much. Feel free to ask any questions. Thank you!
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Hello!
Dec 12, 2018 22:53:44 GMT
Post by cd1022 on Dec 12, 2018 22:53:44 GMT
Welcome- I just got here yesterday and feel such a relief to find out that I am not alone with this. Neither are you. It feels good to know more of us are out here!
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Hello!
Dec 13, 2018 0:03:13 GMT
Post by Dimmer on Dec 13, 2018 0:03:13 GMT
Aw man, sorry to hear thing's aren't going well. I can relate a bit, I really feel like this has held me back from jumping into any career. I'm 33 and have to start all over on something new :(
Welcome to the community! It really does help to have other people to talk to.
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