Post by thedolphinbaby57 on Oct 21, 2020 3:26:37 GMT
I've been on this forum since the end of May of 2020 this year and although it has been a relief that more people have thus like me and i'm not crazy....the one thing that I've noticed is that in order to address Madd..you must find the root of cause and solve that problem. I don't know my root of cause. I've had this condition for over almost 5 years now and I don't know to this day what caused it. I have a pretty decent childhood. Caring friends, loving family, good grades, marching band, ambitious dreams, fashion taste. I'm so confused. I would daydream all day about finding this root of the cause but in reality I can't place my finger on it. Is something wrong with me mentally? Is it growing up as an only child half my life with just me and my mom and my dad having custody over me? Was it witnessing Mom and Dad talk about each other negatively? Living with no perfect family? Being the nice girl at school and constantly being run over by people? What is it? I've been walking through this dark tunnel for years now and have given up on finding a way out. It makes no sense to me. How did I get something that's almost life-threatening on the inside and yet I don't know what caused it? Nothing seems real anymore sometimes. This demon has been stuck in my head and became a part of me and follows wherever I go pulling and tugging at my brain. I just wish there was a cure or some treatment for this already. I have second thoughts on therapy but journaling seems to help out a lot even though I don't journal everyday. But it helps for bottled up emotions. I feel like the real me can't come out and I'm stuck looking at the better made up version if me in my head living her best life. Does anyone else have issues with this? Please let me know.
I can't find my source but my life seems pretty messed up. Now that I think of it I think it all started a long while ago but I can't remeber exactly when and why?. My parents often fought a lot when I was younger and maybe thats what I wanted to escape from. It might be the same cause for you too but I m .
Hi, I can relate to your post very much, in that most of my life was fine and non traumatic. People might look at the outside of my life and think, what on earth is she escaping from? However, there were things that did bother me, and I did not know how to manage and accept the things I was not happy about. Daydreaming was the most soothing way . I was so much like you with school activities, friends, good grades, decent appearance (but not beautiful! I wanted beauty!) My parents were kind and generally supportive, but they were pretty absorbed in their own lives, oblivious (but not intentionally) to what I needed from them. My brother was kind of special needs, so my family just felt odd to me and I did not have the maturity to accept them. Over time I have learned to appreciate them.
Maybe you do have some negative feelings that are somewhat buried. I have found it helps pulling them out, finding someone to listen (sometimes I only have God for this.) I am learning (this is ongoing) to appreciate what I do have in my life and who I am as a person. It is ironic that my current job is viewed as "lowly" and yet I work with great people and have a blast. So instead of worrying about how I am perceived by others, am seeing that my reality is pretty great. Also, I used to be very perfectionist, and have let go of a lot of that, which has helped. Maybe I have let go too much!.
It has been helpful for me staying in touch with this forum, watching the Eli Somer you tube videos, etc. When we are looking at our MDD, we are being present in our real self rather than the fake one. My daydreaming most of the time now, is not maladaptive. I have boundaries around it for only specific times, like when I'm mentally bored during exercise. I just listened to the most recent video , and I related to his statement that in MDD we are the director of the action. In my lifetime (I'm much older than you) this has been a way to be content with the imperfection of my life, and it was always shifting and changing, which was part of the appeal. There were times when I was younger I ditched daydreaming completely which didn't work as well long term, since I didn't learn how to deal with the imperfections of life and of me. We can train our brains to be rewarded by imperfect reality more than perfect daydreaming. The addictive constant daydreaming does not appeal to me now, is not the temptation it once was. There was a time I wanted the daydream to be real or at least wanted to be in the daydream more than in my own life, and that has changed, but not overnight. I have been working on it for about a year now.
Thank you for sharing, and I wish you the best! You have some great years ahead of you.
I suppose I don't know the specific reason my md started though I have several issues to choose from... At the time, I didn't really know what it was. I thought my life was perfect and safe already. That wasn't the reality but that's what I thought nevertheless. So maybe your root is something you can't remember or suppressed? Even something as simple as parents arguing can be unsettling for a child and an unstable home life, even if it isn't the worst, may still cause us to seek safer ground. It really doesn't have to be anything terrible. Just something that causes insecurity in our daily lives or a bad situation that we'd rather not deal with.
Post by thehopelessromantic on Nov 11, 2020 21:53:38 GMT
I wouldn't put down what you're going through just because you had a trauma-less childhood. Your brain can still malfunction, so I would classify you as clinically mentally ill at some capacity. This means you might have chemical imbalances related to depression or anxiety, maybe another mood disorder. You can talk to a therapist or school counselor and explain what is happening. They can help you figure out if you need therapy. Some people need a helping hand getting themselves focused, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Based on details about your home life, I would agree with JustPlainMe when they said, "Maybe you do have some negative feelings that are somewhat buried." You parents clearly have not taken your feelings into account when they talk bad about each other, or that you don't have siblings to rely on for support when things like this happen. When parents speak negatively about each other in front of their kids, they unknowingly cause emotional damage in their kids. You might feel awkward, or bad when mom and dad do this. And you can carry that negativity with you for quite some time. Going through these kinda things over several years can be kinda like trauma. It's not one qualifying event, but it's still significant. The little things can mean so much when we have to bear them over and over. So talk to somebody and release those emotions you've been carrying. Ask a counselor how you can deal in a better way. MADD is your mind's way of protecting you from loneliness or negative feelings. It's bad because it can take away from your focus and your time. You need to find other ways to cope and handle the stressors of life.
Post by ohmymagenta0214 on Nov 29, 2020 3:50:50 GMT
Something that I had to constantly remind my patients of is that ‘trauma’ is different for everyone. Parents divorcing might be considered traumatic for one person while another is not impacted at all. The ‘root cause’ you’re searching for might not be something glaringly obvious. It just has to be traumatic to you personally.