it has been three weeks since my new semester at college has started. I have been going on the campus every few days in a week and have been attending all my classes online as well (maybe not perfectly sitting still, but yeah). Coming in touch with people is good but somewhere i feel this urge to let someone around me know about my daydreaming problem. it all starts with what happened when I first shifted to my dorms, the very first night living alone and I had lost my mind- I daydreamt, binge ate, binge watch- I had gone on autopilot mode that night. So, I decided to shift back home and go to and fro from college to home- that journey is tiring and wastes a lot of my time but somewhere I know it is better than falling into this dark abyss. Still, If i am alone at home, i lose my shit again- being alone has always been my trigger. Now, that i am coming in contact with people, I don't need anything else to form my storyline. anything good that happens, it just doesn't help my thoughts running wild here and there. It is hard to accept whatever is happening in reality as I just can't enjoy having a good day somehow. sometimes, my mind is so noisy that I can't do anything at all and I see myself becoming miserable because of my daydreams again. all of this is hard to handle now alone. Since a week i have daydreamt many times just telling someone about my md or how i possibly treat myself in the future. I want to talk to someone next to me about it, someone who can just listen to it and forget it altogether cause this a breaking point now- I cannot see further this road anymore, every other day when i am alone, it frustrates me. I don't think so i have anyone to share this with, not even my mom frankly ( I am close to her but i know she won't be able to relate to me) . But this urge is growing ever so more and making me emotionally weak day by day. Have you guys ever felt this anxiety of how in the past your life flipped upside down because of your madd? Has anyone felt this dying urge to jjust scream out that you are not well? What do you do in those situations?
I have told only two people that I have MD, but I did it in a way to educate them, and the timing had to be perfect. For example with one of them, I printed off an article about MD and asked them to read it -- prior to my telling them I did this. Once they read it, they said it was interesting, which opened things up for me to talk about it. You have to read your audience, and make sure you're not just telling someone because you want to get it off your chest. Some people are cruel and have social-media, knee-jerk reactions to tease or ridicule without thinking about how it will make you feel. Decide on one person, and if you trust them not to worsen the situation by making fun of it, then time it perfectly when they are alone and in a mood to talk about something a bit deeper rather than catch them on a light moment when they think the whole world is hilarious.
That is soo true !! But again in this pandemic, it is hard to reach out to anyone as I have mostly cut myself off of my friends. One friend even complained of how i was not answering them (I was off the internet and phone at that time actually). So i don't see if anyone would be willing to listen to the deeper end of all of this when they cannot really meet me physically and for sure i ain't gonna rant it out on a google meet with my brother next room. Somewhere i know i am never going to disclose it in reality, even if i daydream about that all day long. I think all i can do is get in terms with this real aspect of my daydreams. by the way, how was your experience talking to them about you having this?