Post by fellowmder on Jan 23, 2021 11:48:24 GMT
it has been three weeks since my new semester at college has started. I have been going on the campus every few days in a week and have been attending all my classes online as well (maybe not perfectly sitting still, but yeah). Coming in touch with people is good but somewhere i feel this urge to let someone around me know about my daydreaming problem.
it all starts with what happened when I first shifted to my dorms, the very first night living alone and I had lost my mind- I daydreamt, binge ate, binge watch- I had gone on autopilot mode that night. So, I decided to shift back home and go to and fro from college to home- that journey is tiring and wastes a lot of my time but somewhere I know it is better than falling into this dark abyss.
Still, If i am alone at home, i lose my shit again- being alone has always been my trigger. Now, that i am coming in contact with people, I don't need anything else to form my storyline. anything good that happens, it just doesn't help my thoughts running wild here and there. It is hard to accept whatever is happening in reality as I just can't enjoy having a good day somehow. sometimes, my mind is so noisy that I can't do anything at all and I see myself becoming miserable because of my daydreams again. all of this is hard to handle now alone. Since a week i have daydreamt many times just telling someone about my md or how i possibly treat myself in the future. I want to talk to someone next to me about it, someone who can just listen to it and forget it altogether cause this a breaking point now- I cannot see further this road anymore, every other day when i am alone, it frustrates me. I don't think so i have anyone to share this with, not even my mom frankly ( I am close to her but i know she won't be able to relate to me) . But this urge is growing ever so more and making me emotionally weak day by day.
Have you guys ever felt this anxiety of how in the past your life flipped upside down because of your madd? Has anyone felt this dying urge to jjust scream out that you are not well? What do you do in those situations?
it all starts with what happened when I first shifted to my dorms, the very first night living alone and I had lost my mind- I daydreamt, binge ate, binge watch- I had gone on autopilot mode that night. So, I decided to shift back home and go to and fro from college to home- that journey is tiring and wastes a lot of my time but somewhere I know it is better than falling into this dark abyss.
Still, If i am alone at home, i lose my shit again- being alone has always been my trigger. Now, that i am coming in contact with people, I don't need anything else to form my storyline. anything good that happens, it just doesn't help my thoughts running wild here and there. It is hard to accept whatever is happening in reality as I just can't enjoy having a good day somehow. sometimes, my mind is so noisy that I can't do anything at all and I see myself becoming miserable because of my daydreams again. all of this is hard to handle now alone. Since a week i have daydreamt many times just telling someone about my md or how i possibly treat myself in the future. I want to talk to someone next to me about it, someone who can just listen to it and forget it altogether cause this a breaking point now- I cannot see further this road anymore, every other day when i am alone, it frustrates me. I don't think so i have anyone to share this with, not even my mom frankly ( I am close to her but i know she won't be able to relate to me) . But this urge is growing ever so more and making me emotionally weak day by day.
Have you guys ever felt this anxiety of how in the past your life flipped upside down because of your madd? Has anyone felt this dying urge to jjust scream out that you are not well? What do you do in those situations?
