I had a talk with my mother today and she asked me why are you always like this? Why are you always depressed, why are you so devastated, you have literally everything other people wish for, and there's nothing for u to be upset about? she kept talking about how much I have of what she described a perfect life ,and that I have everything I want and that I do not appreciate what I have, I felt and hopeless, how come that the closest person to you does not understand you at all! But her words opened a new wound in my heart, I didn't say anything, I stayed silent the whole time because I couldn't find anything to say I felt very angry with myself and thought she might be right. Why do I have to be like this? Why can't I be normal and appreciate the little things that I have ... but I'm here to tell my mom the things I can never tell her ever in my life Dear Mom, I am so sorry for being a disappointment to you, sorry that I am not the perfect daughter u always dreamed of, I am sorry for being such a weirdo who refuses to go Outside, I'm sorry for being broken and not being good enough, Iam trying really hard every day ... Geting out of bed, brushing my teeth or doing my hair, sleeping, eating ... leaving the house... They may be easy things for you but they are challenges for me, I am sorry I did not tell you that our neighbor molested me when I was 6 years old, or that I was bullied a lot, or that i never felt in home , or that I was hurt many times and my back is full with stabs and holes, that I hate my appearance and how not and you always commented about my weight...I hate how I think and everything about me, that I needed you but you weren't there for me, that my heart broke many times, that I died many times and that I cry every day before bed, that I suffer from md, depression, anxiety, bdd,dissociation and the list goes on. ... I'm sorry I never told you that I tried to end it 3 times, how difficult life was for me, and that I will never forget your painful words until the day I die, and also my mom the person I love crushed me and called me ugly. there's a lot to say and it's that u never gonna see it . (sorry guys for taking so long , i'm just broken hearted)💔😢
You should really tell this to your mom. It seems at this point telling her your truths can only heal your relationship. If you tell her and she continues to be bad or worse to you than that is due to her own faults, not yours. I understand that it is scary opening up to people so close to you, I have been slowly telling my sister parts of my mdd experience but still not all of it. I let the new info about my self out usually a bit at a time, and then I let that absorb, evaporate, and start back at square one. This has made opening up easier for me at least. I think it is time that you tell her at least something since there is nothing left to lose at this point. You have really good answers to her questions, and you can help her see your experience from your perspective. I believe you can do this. Try to be undenyingly yourself and I really do believe good will come from it.
thank you for this , I can never imagine myself having this conversation with my mom or anyone else, I can't tell her about these things, dont get me wrong i love my mom so much , but i wish she was more understanding , she deny everything and claims that everything she ever done was for my own sake, it hurts Being judged and misunderstood by the people closest to you,She never understands me, and the more I tried to talk to her, the more she hurt me and say hurtful words so i just avoid the situation , i just wish i was enough
You are really strong and deserve the best❤️ We dont know each other, but know that I am proud of you! I am proud of you for brushing your teeth and making your bed<3 From what you wrote i can see that you been trough so much in your life and you are still trying and seeking help and you deserve to be happy.I know it’s when people closest to us doesnt understand what we go trough, but there will always be people that will understand you and love you the way you are! I hope you will get better soon and i know you will because you are a strong person and i am proud of you:)
No mother should make her child feel this way... not at home, not understood, ugly. I am sorry that you have to go through this, and everything else that happened in your past. I cannot even imagine how hard it must be, you are incredibly strong for getting by with all of this bottled up inside. It sounds to me like your mother is unhappy herself and denies reality when you try to talk to her, and passes the pain on to you. Just know that it is okay to be angry. You have every right to be, and it doesn't mean that you love your mom any less.