Post by Vulcano on Feb 28, 2021 6:13:07 GMT
Uh I realised that I might have maladaptive daydreaming and I am feeling a bit scared and hopeless I guess. I'm 20 now so I have probably had this for a decade or more. I always been more of a lurker so I hope I can be more active and post a thing or two.
I think it might have started when I was 7 or 8. I was ostracised and bullied by my whole class so I would often sit alone at my desk and just, zone out? Like be somewhere else while everything around me stopped existing until the bell rang. Hell, I would sometimes do it during lessons. On top of that due to family issues after my parents split, I would lock myself in the guest bedroom almost daily, lay out all my plushies on the bed, and start imagining things while listening to music. I would just lay there and just visualise things for hours. Now that I look back on it, it seems pretty worrying but my mom didn't seem to care much. I'm afraid I might have developed other issues apart from MD.
Ever since then I haven't been very social and I've never had friends. I guess that factors in somehow?
Nowadays its more tame than that I think. I will have moments where I am reading/watching something and then suddenly start imagining myself talking to a professional or someone, but not on purpose? Out of nowhere I'm explaining something with facial expressions and head nodding, but no verbal things or mouthing. After 10second to a minute or 2, I realise I'm daydreaming and I just jolt back to reality and shake my head. Otherwise I would daydream while I'm walking while doing errands(just kinda ignoring the world around me?) and almost always in the mornings and evenings. Im always exc.ited when going to bed and waking up because that's always when I indulge in daydreaming. I usually wake up at 6am and intend to get up, but almost always start daydreaming and don't get up till 8 or 9am. On more depressing days I find myself staying in bed daydreaming the whole day away. Yes, I often forget to brush my teeth and stuff like that because my brain thinks daydreaming is a priority. Same thing in the evenings, I can stay up to 4am just daydreaming.
Now that I have put all this into words I am a bit terrified of it all but I also can't imagine myself stopping because it makes me feel so happy. But at the same time, what if my life is better without it. But what if it isn't. I am nothing like the person I embody in my daydreams, I am extremely far from resembling the personas in my daydreams(they are completely different characters, not ideal versions of me) and I always think that they are more confident and extroverted compared to boring lowlife irl me. At the same time I am always trying to ignore "comit not alive" toughts but I know I will never act out on them. So maybe daydreaming is like an alternative for that to me??? I don't know, I'm not the smartest and I can barely understand all the psychological stuff.
I just hope I can sort this out somehow, but researching the lack of treatments for this really makes everything feel hopeless and useless.
I think it might have started when I was 7 or 8. I was ostracised and bullied by my whole class so I would often sit alone at my desk and just, zone out? Like be somewhere else while everything around me stopped existing until the bell rang. Hell, I would sometimes do it during lessons. On top of that due to family issues after my parents split, I would lock myself in the guest bedroom almost daily, lay out all my plushies on the bed, and start imagining things while listening to music. I would just lay there and just visualise things for hours. Now that I look back on it, it seems pretty worrying but my mom didn't seem to care much. I'm afraid I might have developed other issues apart from MD.
Ever since then I haven't been very social and I've never had friends. I guess that factors in somehow?
Nowadays its more tame than that I think. I will have moments where I am reading/watching something and then suddenly start imagining myself talking to a professional or someone, but not on purpose? Out of nowhere I'm explaining something with facial expressions and head nodding, but no verbal things or mouthing. After 10second to a minute or 2, I realise I'm daydreaming and I just jolt back to reality and shake my head. Otherwise I would daydream while I'm walking while doing errands(just kinda ignoring the world around me?) and almost always in the mornings and evenings. Im always exc.ited when going to bed and waking up because that's always when I indulge in daydreaming. I usually wake up at 6am and intend to get up, but almost always start daydreaming and don't get up till 8 or 9am. On more depressing days I find myself staying in bed daydreaming the whole day away. Yes, I often forget to brush my teeth and stuff like that because my brain thinks daydreaming is a priority. Same thing in the evenings, I can stay up to 4am just daydreaming.
Now that I have put all this into words I am a bit terrified of it all but I also can't imagine myself stopping because it makes me feel so happy. But at the same time, what if my life is better without it. But what if it isn't. I am nothing like the person I embody in my daydreams, I am extremely far from resembling the personas in my daydreams(they are completely different characters, not ideal versions of me) and I always think that they are more confident and extroverted compared to boring lowlife irl me. At the same time I am always trying to ignore "comit not alive" toughts but I know I will never act out on them. So maybe daydreaming is like an alternative for that to me??? I don't know, I'm not the smartest and I can barely understand all the psychological stuff.
I just hope I can sort this out somehow, but researching the lack of treatments for this really makes everything feel hopeless and useless.
