Post by derk on Apr 7, 2021 20:40:57 GMT
Hello, um to be honest my day started what was normal for me, woke up and went to work really late (I work at 12:45am at a warehouse), and it goes as usual as I expect, cept I catch a train before work and that upsets me but I don't know why, the train passes in my town often but today it angered me. I got to work had my energy drink and went to work. I got to my station, popped in my ear buds and went to work as well as started to DayDream.
Since I was little I made this whole concept of I found an alternate universe (Alt) to live in and I over the years became on of the heroes villains and main characters. Whenever I had something happening in real life, there was a threat I had to focus on in my Alt and in the real world. It always stressed me out, at first I thought of it like a secret identity. I gave myself a name too, Cyber Blade (Lame I know haha). As I got older the character became my real family when mine wasn't there.
My family has always been difficult and just this past year I've realized it. As a kid I thought we were perfect and other families were so messed up. I learned as I got older I was wrong. My dad always worked to help us keep our house and to have a best chance at a normal life. We weren't rich but we weren't exactly poor either. My mom has immense anger and grudge issues. A simple act of rebellion can have her lash out. When I was a kid I stole some money from a girl
it was funny, when I was caught she destroyed a lego star wars star destroyer I spent days making. As I grew into a teen that kind of stuff seemed normal to me. My sister who's a year younger than me, has always been there for me til about high school where we drifted apart. My grandma was really the only support I had growing up. So as you can see home life wasn't that great. My friends were there but not really. We were kind of the outcasts or the "nerds" of the school. We all had our issues and as we grew up more people joined in. We all had a story but I thought mine was the blandest. They all had pushed through something growing up and I thought I just got lucky.
High school things got messy. I learned I was gay and I quickly learned the real world isn't as accepting as I grew up to believe. The gay kids didn't like me so they kind of treated me as an outcast which was worsening when I started to well um "seeing guys not in school" for quick nights. I got quickly labeled the school whor...you get the idea. My friends and family were accepting and I felt safe again with them. I never really branches out til senior year where I joined a bunch of things to meet new people. Per usual I was still a bit of an outcast but met some nice people. Music also helped, Icon for hire really got me through my emotional and mental trauma and anxiety so shout out to them.
On paper it seems like o was just another broken kid but I had a place to escape. My MaDD (I skimmed the glossary really awesome you guys had one after I read a story from here I didn't get some terms so awesome reference, thank you for that) made another world where myself and a bunch of other people like me we protected the world the universe etc. When I was young I introduced a lot of other kids into my fantasy, but as I got older I learned that people quickly judge how weird you are rather than try to understand. I kind of closed myself out to the world and got immense social anxiety so had that working for me. Senior year helped me branch out but a bit of my MaDD slipped into some drama and my friends were concerned for me. I think that event really changed their outlook on me and distance eventually grew with them.
Over the years of my young adult life I went through exes drama and lots lots and lots of pain. My family pretty much broke apart and don't really speak though now they kind of talk to one another. I feel immense distance between my friends and I plus I might have bipolar depression. One thing that always made me safe through it all was my MaDD. There I had a new family and friends where I felt k was important and valued, I don't want to bore anyone reading this with the details but I made entire lore and stories where it might even put major games and movies stories to shame, not to toote my own horn. When COVID struck it got really bad, it was everyday and I can't stop. Weeks I stopped and I got majorly
, not suicidal, but unmotivated and just didn't care about anything. I feel if I don't try to grasp myself now Ill lose myself to my own day dreams but I don't want to let go of what I feel is a part of me and so many memories and time was put into these dreams. That's why I'm here now, I see all of you like me and it gives me so much hope and I don't expect anyone to read all of this but God it feels so good to finally let out and not have to hide who I am and what I've been through. Ive been through some stuff and I want to feel pride for making it through it all but I want to treat it or change myself but I also don't want to lose myself to it either.
If anyone reads this thank you and I know it's a lot (there's so much more I left out but that's it summed up
).
Thank you again
-D
Since I was little I made this whole concept of I found an alternate universe (Alt) to live in and I over the years became on of the heroes villains and main characters. Whenever I had something happening in real life, there was a threat I had to focus on in my Alt and in the real world. It always stressed me out, at first I thought of it like a secret identity. I gave myself a name too, Cyber Blade (Lame I know haha). As I got older the character became my real family when mine wasn't there.
My family has always been difficult and just this past year I've realized it. As a kid I thought we were perfect and other families were so messed up. I learned as I got older I was wrong. My dad always worked to help us keep our house and to have a best chance at a normal life. We weren't rich but we weren't exactly poor either. My mom has immense anger and grudge issues. A simple act of rebellion can have her lash out. When I was a kid I stole some money from a girl
it was funny, when I was caught she destroyed a lego star wars star destroyer I spent days making. As I grew into a teen that kind of stuff seemed normal to me. My sister who's a year younger than me, has always been there for me til about high school where we drifted apart. My grandma was really the only support I had growing up. So as you can see home life wasn't that great. My friends were there but not really. We were kind of the outcasts or the "nerds" of the school. We all had our issues and as we grew up more people joined in. We all had a story but I thought mine was the blandest. They all had pushed through something growing up and I thought I just got lucky. High school things got messy. I learned I was gay and I quickly learned the real world isn't as accepting as I grew up to believe. The gay kids didn't like me so they kind of treated me as an outcast which was worsening when I started to well um "seeing guys not in school" for quick nights. I got quickly labeled the school whor...you get the idea. My friends and family were accepting and I felt safe again with them. I never really branches out til senior year where I joined a bunch of things to meet new people. Per usual I was still a bit of an outcast but met some nice people. Music also helped, Icon for hire really got me through my emotional and mental trauma and anxiety so shout out to them.
On paper it seems like o was just another broken kid but I had a place to escape. My MaDD (I skimmed the glossary really awesome you guys had one after I read a story from here I didn't get some terms so awesome reference, thank you for that) made another world where myself and a bunch of other people like me we protected the world the universe etc. When I was young I introduced a lot of other kids into my fantasy, but as I got older I learned that people quickly judge how weird you are rather than try to understand. I kind of closed myself out to the world and got immense social anxiety so had that working for me. Senior year helped me branch out but a bit of my MaDD slipped into some drama and my friends were concerned for me. I think that event really changed their outlook on me and distance eventually grew with them.
Over the years of my young adult life I went through exes drama and lots lots and lots of pain. My family pretty much broke apart and don't really speak though now they kind of talk to one another. I feel immense distance between my friends and I plus I might have bipolar depression. One thing that always made me safe through it all was my MaDD. There I had a new family and friends where I felt k was important and valued, I don't want to bore anyone reading this with the details but I made entire lore and stories where it might even put major games and movies stories to shame, not to toote my own horn. When COVID struck it got really bad, it was everyday and I can't stop. Weeks I stopped and I got majorly
, not suicidal, but unmotivated and just didn't care about anything. I feel if I don't try to grasp myself now Ill lose myself to my own day dreams but I don't want to let go of what I feel is a part of me and so many memories and time was put into these dreams. That's why I'm here now, I see all of you like me and it gives me so much hope and I don't expect anyone to read all of this but God it feels so good to finally let out and not have to hide who I am and what I've been through. Ive been through some stuff and I want to feel pride for making it through it all but I want to treat it or change myself but I also don't want to lose myself to it either. If anyone reads this thank you and I know it's a lot (there's so much more I left out but that's it summed up
). Thank you again
-D
