I lapse into daydreaming without about it. It's not something I decide to do or even really acknowledge in my own mind. I can't remember a time when I didn't do it. All of my thoughts kind of feel like daydreams; I'm narrating what I think or telling someone else in the future about how my life was, even though the "was" is now and the future doesn't exist. I don't know if that makes any sense. It's hard for me to tell how much time I spend daydreaming and how much it actually affects my life. I think I'm a bit in denial about it and it's so routine that I don't even notice it. I don't think I'm ever outside of a dream.
I'm not really socially awkward. I have a lot of social anxiety, but when I'm forced to see other people, I can do quite well. The problem with the pandemic is that I'm not forced to see other people---and I don't miss them. Well I do. But I don't. I feel good right now because I feel awake and that I will do what's right for me and actually start living my life. However, I also feel scared and guilty because of all of the things, and more regretfully, people, I've put on the back-burner. I know I have to reach out to the people in my life and that they will welcome me easily, but it feels so against my nature and almost too painful to do (even though I know how it will go and that it will go well).
I don't know how introductory that really was, but hi. I'm Canadian. I feel hopeful about the future. I'm not ready to talk about this in real life, so I hope I gain some confidence by talking with you all. It's hard to really accept that there is a problem with my pattern and feel that the problem is real when it is literally all in my head .