Post by itsme on Sept 1, 2021 10:54:16 GMT
Hi guys,
I am new member here.
Decided to share my story with Maladaptive Daydreaming and this is the first time in my entire life I actually address it somewhere and will much appreciate if there are people with similar issues to share back if they have found some solutions or advice.
Ever since I was a kid, I daydream. I am not so sure when exactly it all began, but probably when I discovered music, maybe 6-7 years old.
So how I remember it as a kid - I was listening to music very loudly and just imagining so vividly I was the singer or dancer and I am performing in front of a crowd. I was a fan of some artist and I would just imagine I am them and people would admire me as I was admiring them. Loved to just close in my room and do it - sometimes for hours at night. And then it wasn't a big deal at all - of course every kid is doing this kind of dreaming more or less in one way or another. Kids imagination runs wild, but I was mentally and physically enacting every dream of mine when possible. I was noticing that my sister is not like me though in this regard but who knows what happens behind close doors, right? Haha... I was dancing and impersonating musicians like a rockstar! (oh you should have seen the shows I have put on haha) :')
Anyway... This thing continued throughout my teenage years. I thought then - This is weird but I am young, I haven't grew up maybe yet so I just daydream a lot. When I become an adult I will mature. And with maturity it will all stop. Cause I thought then adults just do not waste time in this pointless mind scenarios... And every single time I had to be focused on something boring like homework, duties or whatever tedious thing - my mind would want to drift to daydreaming... Just to get clear in real life I would NEVER want to be famous or a celebrity or any of this that I dreamed back then.... So I think maybe it is a sign that something in my real life is missing like more attention or validation from others. Cause although I was very active and had amazing childhood I was thought to be a bit shy or awkward or whatever... So maybe it is a subconscious thing... My mind telling me something is missing there.
But here we go, I hit my twenties and this, I am telling you, never stopped. I am now a 29-year-old woman and I daydream almost every single day, sometimes for hours. Now my "dreams" are just about my idealized self. Most often it is just social scenarios linked with people I know in real life... Scenarios that certain people like me very much and I am very intelligent, pretty, kind and they just... appreciate me as someone of importance. I put music on and enact a certain situation with very structured plot and conversations over and over again till I got it just right... I repeat it over and over again till I get tired of it. If I haven't done it in a while, like a whole day or two, I start seeking it, wanting it, like some sort of weird addiction although I don't like calling it that because I can control it. If at this point for example I am on vacation I would prefer to close my doors and do it rather than spend time with my friends in the other room that are talking... That's how bad it can get.
And again, I think what it all means... Is it my mind truly implying I do not consider myself enough? Cause I deep down don't. Like I like myself in general and I can see my friends like me and show me love quite much but I have insecurities about my capabilities, how I speak, how I act, what I am capable of, how much of a social anxiety I have because of this and how boring I think I am. Like I feel shameful in so many aspects about me but never show it. It's an internal thing. Something is missing so I feed off these fake mind movies. Like isn't this pathetic actually?
Some would say... it is not a problem - everybody daydreams. Yes, but question is how much? And how do you feel when you haven't done it in a while. Are all people affected by this?
So it never was that huge problem for me, but recently I lost my job due to Covid and started some self-realizations... Like how much time I waste in pointless daydreaming.... It is insane. I am not a kid anymore. Now I have to find a new job, I want to change professions and I struggle with this distraction. I can't focus right every single time I have to learn a new skill. To read or watch something important. And my close people tell me I have potential and this and that. But I can't focus to live up to this potential... I have to have particular set of skills and this wasted time in daydreaming could have been spend in something way more productive. I find great enjoyment in all this scenarios and dreaming to the point I am almost never bored with myself. But this is not normal. To enjoy the situations in your mind more than this real world. Situations that would never happens in actual life. But if you watch me from the side... one would thing I am schizophrenic or something (And I am not, I never get lost what is real and what is not.)... But just pacing around my room with headphones on or enacting social situations over and over and over. This is embarrassing. I want to thrive and be someone different (oh like the one in my daydreams - successful, fun, confident and lovable etc).
So I decided with great effort I want to somehow stop, because I am not productive in my life and I can't always escape from my real world like that. I want to live now and here and to be better.
So, guys, tell me.... In all honesty, do you find it normal, because I no longer do. And please if you have any suggestions and advice how to "cure" this kind of distractions and mind drifting, how to not waste time in this no more... I would so much appreciate it.
Honestly, I find it weird and I would never share it to people even close to me. I will deal with it by myself. The question is, how exactly...
Thank you to everybody who took time to read this. This forum is great!
I am new member here.
Decided to share my story with Maladaptive Daydreaming and this is the first time in my entire life I actually address it somewhere and will much appreciate if there are people with similar issues to share back if they have found some solutions or advice.
Ever since I was a kid, I daydream. I am not so sure when exactly it all began, but probably when I discovered music, maybe 6-7 years old.
So how I remember it as a kid - I was listening to music very loudly and just imagining so vividly I was the singer or dancer and I am performing in front of a crowd. I was a fan of some artist and I would just imagine I am them and people would admire me as I was admiring them. Loved to just close in my room and do it - sometimes for hours at night. And then it wasn't a big deal at all - of course every kid is doing this kind of dreaming more or less in one way or another. Kids imagination runs wild, but I was mentally and physically enacting every dream of mine when possible. I was noticing that my sister is not like me though in this regard but who knows what happens behind close doors, right? Haha... I was dancing and impersonating musicians like a rockstar! (oh you should have seen the shows I have put on haha) :')
Anyway... This thing continued throughout my teenage years. I thought then - This is weird but I am young, I haven't grew up maybe yet so I just daydream a lot. When I become an adult I will mature. And with maturity it will all stop. Cause I thought then adults just do not waste time in this pointless mind scenarios... And every single time I had to be focused on something boring like homework, duties or whatever tedious thing - my mind would want to drift to daydreaming... Just to get clear in real life I would NEVER want to be famous or a celebrity or any of this that I dreamed back then.... So I think maybe it is a sign that something in my real life is missing like more attention or validation from others. Cause although I was very active and had amazing childhood I was thought to be a bit shy or awkward or whatever... So maybe it is a subconscious thing... My mind telling me something is missing there.
But here we go, I hit my twenties and this, I am telling you, never stopped. I am now a 29-year-old woman and I daydream almost every single day, sometimes for hours. Now my "dreams" are just about my idealized self. Most often it is just social scenarios linked with people I know in real life... Scenarios that certain people like me very much and I am very intelligent, pretty, kind and they just... appreciate me as someone of importance. I put music on and enact a certain situation with very structured plot and conversations over and over again till I got it just right... I repeat it over and over again till I get tired of it. If I haven't done it in a while, like a whole day or two, I start seeking it, wanting it, like some sort of weird addiction although I don't like calling it that because I can control it. If at this point for example I am on vacation I would prefer to close my doors and do it rather than spend time with my friends in the other room that are talking... That's how bad it can get.
And again, I think what it all means... Is it my mind truly implying I do not consider myself enough? Cause I deep down don't. Like I like myself in general and I can see my friends like me and show me love quite much but I have insecurities about my capabilities, how I speak, how I act, what I am capable of, how much of a social anxiety I have because of this and how boring I think I am. Like I feel shameful in so many aspects about me but never show it. It's an internal thing. Something is missing so I feed off these fake mind movies. Like isn't this pathetic actually?
Some would say... it is not a problem - everybody daydreams. Yes, but question is how much? And how do you feel when you haven't done it in a while. Are all people affected by this?
So it never was that huge problem for me, but recently I lost my job due to Covid and started some self-realizations... Like how much time I waste in pointless daydreaming.... It is insane. I am not a kid anymore. Now I have to find a new job, I want to change professions and I struggle with this distraction. I can't focus right every single time I have to learn a new skill. To read or watch something important. And my close people tell me I have potential and this and that. But I can't focus to live up to this potential... I have to have particular set of skills and this wasted time in daydreaming could have been spend in something way more productive. I find great enjoyment in all this scenarios and dreaming to the point I am almost never bored with myself. But this is not normal. To enjoy the situations in your mind more than this real world. Situations that would never happens in actual life. But if you watch me from the side... one would thing I am schizophrenic or something (And I am not, I never get lost what is real and what is not.)... But just pacing around my room with headphones on or enacting social situations over and over and over. This is embarrassing. I want to thrive and be someone different (oh like the one in my daydreams - successful, fun, confident and lovable etc).
So I decided with great effort I want to somehow stop, because I am not productive in my life and I can't always escape from my real world like that. I want to live now and here and to be better.
So, guys, tell me.... In all honesty, do you find it normal, because I no longer do. And please if you have any suggestions and advice how to "cure" this kind of distractions and mind drifting, how to not waste time in this no more... I would so much appreciate it.
Honestly, I find it weird and I would never share it to people even close to me. I will deal with it by myself. The question is, how exactly...
Thank you to everybody who took time to read this. This forum is great!
