I think I can understand it a little bit more

Recently there has been too many thing happening to me and hence my DD has become a lot more uncontrollable but I just noticed something.

I've always bottled up my feelings as it has been viewed as a weakness by my parents. I've always been blame as a attention seeker as I used to cry a lot and let my emotions run lose, that has led me to bottle up my emotions and act indifferent and finally leading to me having no emotions but recently there has been a situation where I would have cried a lot before moving on if I could feel my emotions but since I feel nothing I didn't do much and just moved on but the situation is still going on but since I started getting into this situation my DD has been the same, I would get into an unfavorable situation and cry my heart out in my DD. I feel like I just have to cry out loud but I can not, even if I try I can't but my DD self just keeps crying all day long, screaming out as loud as she can and just venting all her emotions.

I think these are the emotions I should be feeling right. My DD just compensates for my lack of emotion. Maybe I just long for a place to express my emotions, maybe I just need a safe space, someone I trust or just a completely isolated place let lose all my emotions but I doubt I have any but maybe ( it may just be wishful ) I still have my emotions hiding somewhere. I don't know if have my emotions or not but I m pretty sure that my DD self is just reflecting my emotion that should have been able to express instead of sitting here like a corpse pretending like nothing has happened.