Post by eror on Jan 30, 2022 1:14:31 GMT
TW: accidental self harm
(Writing this mainly in case someone out there wanders across this post and finds solace in knowing they're not alone. And maybe it's morbid but I kinda want to know I'm not alone in this aspect either!)
I was just MDing, pacing around my room, and stepped on something and cut my foot. The first thing that comes is pain - then annoyance at the pain for interrupting the daydream. Upon realizing that oh wait, I'm actually hurt, comes the horror of wondering if I won't be able to MD properly for a while. I find it p interesting that the thought of not being able to MD is so much stronger than the actual feeling of pain.
...I guess it goes to show how strong of a coping mechanism it is for me. There's really nothing else like it.
So here I am, sitting on the floor, feeling silly and maybe a little crazy, waiting for the gash to scab up so I can make sure I'll be able to keep MDing these next few days.
Has anyone else noticed this prioritization of MDing? I've also experienced it in less harmful moments - like going on a trip where I will not have the alone time or space to MD.
(...And if anyone reads my other posts, I am doing way better mentally, this past 6 months have been an adventure in self-improvement! MDing still doesn't seem like it's going anywhere anytime soon, but I've come to appreciate it as a coping mechanism and a symptom rather than a source of my problems...)
(Writing this mainly in case someone out there wanders across this post and finds solace in knowing they're not alone. And maybe it's morbid but I kinda want to know I'm not alone in this aspect either!)
I was just MDing, pacing around my room, and stepped on something and cut my foot. The first thing that comes is pain - then annoyance at the pain for interrupting the daydream. Upon realizing that oh wait, I'm actually hurt, comes the horror of wondering if I won't be able to MD properly for a while. I find it p interesting that the thought of not being able to MD is so much stronger than the actual feeling of pain.
...I guess it goes to show how strong of a coping mechanism it is for me. There's really nothing else like it.
So here I am, sitting on the floor, feeling silly and maybe a little crazy, waiting for the gash to scab up so I can make sure I'll be able to keep MDing these next few days.
Has anyone else noticed this prioritization of MDing? I've also experienced it in less harmful moments - like going on a trip where I will not have the alone time or space to MD.
(...And if anyone reads my other posts, I am doing way better mentally, this past 6 months have been an adventure in self-improvement! MDing still doesn't seem like it's going anywhere anytime soon, but I've come to appreciate it as a coping mechanism and a symptom rather than a source of my problems...)
