Hey yall, I'm not quite sure if I belong here or not, but I'm trying to figure out what going on with me tbh. I'm 2 days away from graduating high school, I'm an engineer at heart. I think it'd be easiest to just explain where I'm at and why I think I may be dealing with MDD, but don't know for sure, so here. Basically, I never feel awake, and I don't remember the last time I did. Whenever I wake up, I still feel like my brain is lying in my bed. The world feels cloudy, and I can't force myself awake. The most I can ever seem to do is some sounds snap me back for milliseconds, like alarm clocks, certain notes in certain songs, apparently the taco bell sound does too idk why , but then I'm just back to feeling like nothing is real yknow. So what's this gotta do with daydreaming? Well I daydream a fuckton, and I'm starting to think theres a serious correlation between the two. I don't use drugs, never have, never will, but I am always daydreaming when I'm not actively doing things, and even sometimes when I am. I almost feel more awake in my daydreams than in real life. My favorite place to daydream is the shower, something about the sound of the fan and the water just sends me straight into my head. I've noticed I go slightly cross eyed and blur my vision when I start daydreaming. Anyways, the daydreaming makes a little bit of an impact on my day to day life, but the whole never feeling awake thing reallly bothers me, and if its caused by daydreaming, I'm willing to give it up for good, just so I can feel awake around the people I love. I've been daydreaming about girls I like since 3rd grade, super elaborate dreams about just being with them and doing things. I've only liked a total of 5 different girls in my whole life, and I actually asked my most recent one out, and we've now been dating for 5 months, but I still daydream about her constantly. I'd give up daydreaming no matter how much I love it just to see my girlfriend's face while I'm fully conscious Idk if any of this is relatable, or if this board is even remotely active but I thought I'd try it out... Thanks for reading this, I appreciate it.
Hi there! Took the time to read your post and thought I might give some insight. I don't claim to be an expert on MD or anything, but I think if you've done a little research and stubbled upon this forum then you may actually be in the right place. Do you daydreams have long, extensive plotlines and characters? Do you tend to self-isolate when the daydreams set in? It sounds like the water and the fan of the shower may be a trigger for you, but does anything else like music, television, etc., stimulate your daydreams? These are all common characteristics of an MDer and if you relate to any of them then this may just be the place to ask around and read about other people's experiences. I may be wrong here, but this state of conscious-unconsciousness you've described sounds a lot like brain fog, which is something I, too, have experienced. If you need someone to vent to or bounce thoughts around with, feel free to message me!