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Post by june on Dec 31, 2018 13:32:49 GMT
My life is challenging to say the least.
I have known too many rigid people without empathy and too many perfectionists. I have a lot to recover from emotionally and physically.
And Daydreaming sometimes saves my ass, it gives me the break I need to keep living a life with the obligations that comes with it.
Like yesterday when my partner again didn't get that I needed and wanted a hug and some affection, even though it was pretty obvious. It's an ongoing problem because my need for affection gets lost in the perfectionists self-controlling maze and conversations about it becomes very, very complicated and stressful sometimes. I get embarrassed because the situation is just horribly misread and I know by now that talking about it can set off an avalanche of emotions and complaints. I carry a lot of grief because of that particular problem. Uncomplicated hugs is all I really wanted for Christmas.
So I spent a few hours with tv-shows and daydreaming about what I am longing for. Leaving the daydream made my entire body hurt when another wave of grief hit me again.
I don't know of any better ways of getting a break than daydreaming. I just don't want i to be like that all the time.
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Post by june on Dec 31, 2018 23:27:41 GMT
I know. Luckily daydreaming is more manageable than it used to be a decade or so ago. But still. It's a struggle to stay in the world sometimes.
What do other people do? Get high? Drunk? Kick some stranger on the bus? Or buy a car they don't need? I don't do any of that.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2019 20:37:18 GMT
Honestly, if it wasnt for daydreaming, I wouldn't have made it so many times. School, uni, lots of betrayals and loneliness - this thing helped me out all the time.
Wish it worked now once more :/
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Post by june on Jan 1, 2019 21:47:15 GMT
Honestly, if it wasnt for daydreaming, I wouldn't have made it so many times. School, uni, lots of betrayals and loneliness - this thing helped me out all the time. Wish it worked now once more :/ Why doesn't it work this time? |
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Post by Sam on Jan 1, 2019 21:52:17 GMT
The eventual dissatisfaction with your daydreams really seems to be a common thing for all of us. Its like, for a while (sometimes even years), the daydreaming makes you feel good and you enjoy it and it helps you in a billion different ways. But eventually (maybe once you realize that your daydreaming is more of a problem than you originally thought?), that satisfaction leaves. You keep daydreaming because its a habit and it helped in the past, but it looses its effectiveness. But you still keep doing it because that urge is hardwired into your brain by that point and it feels impossible to stop. And sometimes maybe it does still help. But not as often or as well as it used to. Maybe its like drugs or alcohol or something, where, after a period of time, it starts losing its effectiveness. So in order to get that high that you used to get, you need a higher dose. But with daydreaming, the ability to "get a higher dose" isn't the same as it is with substances. Sure, you could daydream for longer, but I don't think even that does what you're looking for.
Idk, this got really long, but I feel like this is an almost universal experience when it comes to maladaptive daydreaming. Am I wrong?
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Post by Dimmer on Jan 2, 2019 16:55:23 GMT
The eventual dissatisfaction with your daydreams really seems to be a common thing for all of us. Its like, for a while (sometimes even years), the daydreaming makes you feel good and you enjoy it and it helps you in a billion different ways. But eventually (maybe once you realize that your daydreaming is more of a problem than you originally thought?), that satisfaction leaves. You keep daydreaming because its a habit and it helped in the past, but it looses its effectiveness. But you still keep doing it because that urge is hardwired into your brain by that point and it feels impossible to stop. And sometimes maybe it does still help. But not as often or as well as it used to. Maybe its like drugs or alcohol or something, where, after a period of time, it starts losing its effectiveness. So in order to get that high that you used to get, you need a higher dose. But with daydreaming, the ability to "get a higher dose" isn't the same as it is with substances. Sure, you could daydream for longer, but I don't think even that does what you're looking for. Idk, this got really long, but I feel like this is an almost universal experience when it comes to maladaptive daydreaming. Am I wrong? I'm not sure it's less satisfying to me now, perhaps more that I realised it made my entire life less satisfying and I'm no longer at a point in my life where that doesn't matter to me. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2019 23:41:58 GMT
Hmmm...
Honestly, what Sam says here certainly makes sense but it’s not the only explanation imho.
I believe that different states of mind, different life stages require different kinds of daydreams and thus triggers. So the daydreams that helped you in one certain period of time may not work in years - you have changed, you have new demands and you need to escape from a different type of problems.
Or another reason could be just that using the same pattern for years, you grow tired of it and thus need new triggers and new patterns to make your dd work again.
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Post by june on Jan 4, 2019 9:03:29 GMT
The eventual dissatisfaction with your daydreams really seems to be a common thing for all of us. Its like, for a while (sometimes even years), the daydreaming makes you feel good and you enjoy it and it helps you in a billion different ways. But eventually (maybe once you realize that your daydreaming is more of a problem than you originally thought?), that satisfaction leaves. You keep daydreaming because its a habit and it helped in the past, but it looses its effectiveness. But you still keep doing it because that urge is hardwired into your brain by that point and it feels impossible to stop. And sometimes maybe it does still help. But not as often or as well as it used to. Maybe its like drugs or alcohol or something, where, after a period of time, it starts losing its effectiveness. So in order to get that high that you used to get, you need a higher dose. But with daydreaming, the ability to "get a higher dose" isn't the same as it is with substances. Sure, you could daydream for longer, but I don't think even that does what you're looking for. Idk, this got really long, but I feel like this is an almost universal experience when it comes to maladaptive daydreaming. Am I wrong? I don't know if you are wrong or not. I'm in my forties now and MDD has been more or less present most of those years. There are certain times when daydreaming isn't as intense or satisfying, thank God, and there are times where I choose to not be in them as much because my real life is more important. Or I manage to have a life where I don't need the as much. But then I suddenly have weeks in a row where MDD happens a lot and I am overwhelmed by enthusiasm and creative joy I guess. That doesn't sound like a loss of effectiveness I think. But my dreams aren't usually as much about an ideal life, sex, romance etc as it is about explorations so maybe there is some difference there. Me daydreaming about hugs or sex is a bit unusual actually. |
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Post by alvi on Jan 4, 2019 23:56:56 GMT
I wouldn't say daydreaming saves me but sometimes its a welcomed escape. I have quite a few health issues and when I'm having a bad day with these I'm thankful for the distraction. The problem is when it takes up time in the day when I have something I need to do and I neglect them to daydream.
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