Post by fellowmder on Mar 21, 2019 17:35:53 GMT
its maybe a bit boring to continue reading this.....
Now i am writing this as a type of some kind of suggestion and closure i need over a topic that has groped over these two years. It is not the reason for my MDing but has instigated it a lot many times and there can be no other way as i describe below to stop this trigger.
I used to be an awesome student up until middle school- what me, my parents and all others thought of me. yet i knew, academically on a higher level (state or national) it were impossible. now two years after, that i am gonna complete high school things my mom say makes me dislike her to a great extent and makes me want to MD.
as high school started, i had to compete on a national level with all students to get in a good uni, as it is for everyone. i started out pretty bad with every teacher just being disappointed and so were my mom. i understand, even after scholarship the tuition fee was pretty high. so i started daydreaming out of stress and knowing more and more about my incompetence. in 1st year she said it was alright if i felt like going for some easier stream. but i kept trying, not knowing what i wanted from life. second year i decided for field of architecture- a different exam. so almost like changing the exam i were gonna take. i told my mum that i'll only prepare for arch and not continue with tuition. till this date she has always been complaining -mildly, not like everyday but like every few weeks. she says i could have passed the exams- but i know where i laid, i hardly even knew half of my chapters. i knew i couldn't make it. i loved whatever i was preparing for my arch exam. but every time it's like- u can apply for the exam, u can go to a great uni. this either makes me want to throw my life away and blame it upon people(MDing during this crucial time of exams) or try and show her that i can get that top rank just for her to be satisfied. that is to become my md persona. i mean i hate i am no good but does she have to rub it on my face. for note, i don't have any back up plans in my life except arch.
i am mean for saying, even all this about my own mum but i don't feel guilty like others would. can someone help me give an advice. i know i should try my best but her talks make me want to just relentlessly md. so, this isn't about md but still if someone can help.
Now i am writing this as a type of some kind of suggestion and closure i need over a topic that has groped over these two years. It is not the reason for my MDing but has instigated it a lot many times and there can be no other way as i describe below to stop this trigger.
I used to be an awesome student up until middle school- what me, my parents and all others thought of me. yet i knew, academically on a higher level (state or national) it were impossible. now two years after, that i am gonna complete high school things my mom say makes me dislike her to a great extent and makes me want to MD.
as high school started, i had to compete on a national level with all students to get in a good uni, as it is for everyone. i started out pretty bad with every teacher just being disappointed and so were my mom. i understand, even after scholarship the tuition fee was pretty high. so i started daydreaming out of stress and knowing more and more about my incompetence. in 1st year she said it was alright if i felt like going for some easier stream. but i kept trying, not knowing what i wanted from life. second year i decided for field of architecture- a different exam. so almost like changing the exam i were gonna take. i told my mum that i'll only prepare for arch and not continue with tuition. till this date she has always been complaining -mildly, not like everyday but like every few weeks. she says i could have passed the exams- but i know where i laid, i hardly even knew half of my chapters. i knew i couldn't make it. i loved whatever i was preparing for my arch exam. but every time it's like- u can apply for the exam, u can go to a great uni. this either makes me want to throw my life away and blame it upon people(MDing during this crucial time of exams) or try and show her that i can get that top rank just for her to be satisfied. that is to become my md persona. i mean i hate i am no good but does she have to rub it on my face. for note, i don't have any back up plans in my life except arch.
i am mean for saying, even all this about my own mum but i don't feel guilty like others would. can someone help me give an advice. i know i should try my best but her talks make me want to just relentlessly md. so, this isn't about md but still if someone can help.
