|
|
Post by mdgal on Jun 5, 2019 0:01:03 GMT
Hi everyone!
I've had MD since I think 3-4 years old, when I met my best friend and we had a very toxic relationship. I did not have any other friends and spent time only with this girl. My parents were also very controlling and I felt trapped all the time.
I used MD as a coping mechanism. There, in the world that I created, I was the rebel with all the superpowers in the world, a superhero, an orphan with cool friends and amazing boyfriend/husband. My trigger was music + moving in some way, mostly jumping but I could also swing on a swing. Later I realized I am also able to daydream in any moving vehicle (car, train, plane) and also while walking - if I have headphones with music in, I am always at risk.
I tried to quit many times, but it's like an addiction. I also have diagnosed OCD, intrusive thoughts, and anxiety. I take medication. However, MD doesn't go away.
Recently I made another attempt to stop. It's been about two or three weeks. However, I am facing the problem I face every time I try to quit -
See, when I want to daydream I get this light feeling in my chest, as though there is a bulk of light that is trying to rip my chest and get outside, it is an uncomfortable feeling and so far this bulk only goes away if I daydream. I also get like a high or like a tremendous amount of energy I want to channel somewhere but I don't want to do anything productive (I have to work on that maybe I'm just lazy) I do not know what will be as effective with coping with this light. I think it might be just all my emotions turned into a physical feeling, I often experience that my emotional pain turns into physical pain.
Did anybody have the same experience?
I honestly don't know what to do.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sam on Jun 5, 2019 1:04:38 GMT
Welcome to the forum!
The feeling that you get might just be your body anticipating daydreaming and the endorphins and emotions that come from doing so. I get something very similar, along with just barely noticeable muscle tension. It's not enough tension to really cause any problems, but its enough for my incredibly sensitive body to go "oh no somethings wrong/happening," which only increases my urge to daydream.
Have you tried working on creating a balance between daydreaming and your other tasks? Or developing other coping skills so that you don't feel like you have to rely on daydreaming so much?
|
|
|
|
Post by mdgal on Jun 5, 2019 23:36:47 GMT
Hi Sam! Love your cat! Mine is sitting besides me right now  Thank you for your response! I do try to find some other coping mechanisms (drawing, painting) but I just feel like it makes me do something productive (I am an artist) and my brain immediately goes to "you are not talented and worthy of feeling productive, stop lying to yourself you don't like working and doing anything productive " and also I'm kinda lazy to do anything else because I know it won't bring me as much pleasure. Yes, it sounds bad, but that's how it honestly is. I often just try to ignore this feeling and go to watch Netflix (kinda works ok I guess) orrr play Sims 4 which is bad because I also project myself onto my sim in Sims 4, so it's not far from daydreaming. |
|
|
|
Post by Sam on Jun 5, 2019 23:44:58 GMT
Thank you! I actually have 2, but the one in the picture is Gremlin.
Have you tried other seemingly non-productive coping mechanisms? Like taking a walk or doing deep breathing? Because of the endorphins and such that are released by daydreaming, you are likely to go through an initial withdrawal period that will suck, but if you stick with it and work really hard to implement other coping skills, you might eventually find that your urge to daydream lessens.
|
|
|
|
Post by trex56 on Jun 6, 2019 14:23:41 GMT
Hi Mdgal & welcome!
I can relate to what you're talking about, I feel like I've wasted years of my life basically doing nothing. I still have days where I can't do anything other than work and daydream.
I think the key is to find a balance between your daydreams and some small daily goals that help you accomplish things. I've found that what helps me the most is to make super detailed to-do lists and make schedules to plan my entire days. You have to find something that works for you (and accept that fact that you're going to have bad days where you can't accomplish your small goals).
You talked about art...I recently started drawing and writing really bad poetry and it's helped me a lot. What helped me is to just see it as art therapy instead of art. I would never show my stuff to anyone but I don't have a block anymore because I focus on the goal of doing something that improves my mood and not on the goal of creating something artistic. It's a small thing but it has helped me do art again after having a block for more than 10 years.
|
|
|
|
Post by mdgal on Jun 7, 2019 19:11:57 GMT
Thank you! I actually have 2, but the one in the picture is Gremlin. Have you tried other seemingly non-productive coping mechanisms? Like taking a walk or doing deep breathing? Because of the endorphins and such that are released by daydreaming, you are likely to go through an initial withdrawal period that will suck, but if you stick with it and work really hard to implement other coping skills, you might eventually find that your urge to daydream lessens. Thank you! I try to do meditation every once in a while but it's... boring. But I try. Sometimes. Taking walks is risky because nowadays a large part of my daydreaming happens when I take walks and listen to music, which I do constantly in college. Also, both of these are kinda productive. I understand what you mean tho! I guess I just have to work a little harder and stick with trying to get better and it will become easier! |
|
|
|
Post by mdgal on Jun 7, 2019 19:13:59 GMT
Hi Mdgal & welcome! I can relate to what you're talking about, I feel like I've wasted years of my life basically doing nothing. I still have days where I can't do anything other than work and daydream. I think the key is to find a balance between your daydreams and some small daily goals that help you accomplish things. I've found that what helps me the most is to make super detailed to-do lists and make schedules to plan my entire days. You have to find something that works for you (and accept that fact that you're going to have bad days where you can't accomplish your small goals). You talked about art...I recently started drawing and writing really bad poetry and it's helped me a lot. What helped me is to just see it as art therapy instead of art. I would never show my stuff to anyone but I don't have a block anymore because I focus on the goal of doing something that improves my mood and not on the goal of creating something artistic. It's a small thing but it has helped me do art again after having a block for more than 10 years. Thank you! Planning really helps with my anxiety but I don't know... I just don't follow plans I create or I dread every step of my day or both.  about art as art therapy sound very interesting!!!! I'll definitely try that!! |
|
|
|
Post by trex56 on Jun 8, 2019 11:30:56 GMT
Thank you! Planning really helps with my anxiety but I don't know... I just don't follow plans I create or I dread every step of my day or both. about art as art therapy sound very interesting!!!! I'll definitely try that!! A quick thing I want to add about planning - it took me something like a year of working on it to get it right (and it's a strategy I tried multiple times in the past and always abandoned after a couple weeks). A year ago I would do lists of stuff I needed to do and I just couldn't do it. And then I started to have a few days here and there where I accomplished my daily goals. But most of the time I only did less than 25% and I had a lot of days where I just gave up completely. And slowly I started to have more days where I accomplished all my goals. I figured out a better way to plan my days and to put the right amount of stuff to do on my list and to block enough time on my schedule. I still have days where I struggle, but there has been a huge progression compared to where I was a year ago. The point is, no matter what strategy you want to use to deal with MDD (planning, meditation, mindfulness, etc), it's not going to be an overnight thing and there are going to be setbacks and days where you feel like you're going backwards. But one day you're going to look back and see there is a huge progress. |
|
about art as art therapy sound very interesting!!!! I'll definitely try that!!