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Post by fellowmder on Nov 7, 2019 8:53:43 GMT
People, i am boosted up by Serenity and want to put up my own notebook(once again) on the forum. This time i cannot held back really. You guys have tried doing things to control your bad habits and madd. I am going to do the same. If anyone of you have read my threads before, you must have realised i am more of suffering from the bad habits that i acquired as a daydreamer. I have added one to that as well that subsides my daydreaming but makes me fell more and more guilty about the way i am living my life - masturbating. i actually don't feel like much talking about that to anyone but it is just something that does delay my work or makes me too lazy to work overnight. It is just another escape root that i found for myself, with watching dramas, movies, eating and daydreaming following it up. I need to be accountable and more responsible and work in the gears that others are now racing in. So, here i will write every day about what all i want to accomplish first thing in the morning and give updates as to whether i were able to instill something different in my life and push back my habits a bit farther away. Some things might not be understandable or might be just me ranting about my problems but please bear with me.
Todays task is
to gauge sizes of three rooms and put it down on paper
Complete fully describing my sectional essay and introduction
Do some InDesign for half an hour
Reach college tomorrow by 7
I know it is too much but i have to do it. This will also work as my other to do list and then i will finally write as to whether i achieved anything or not. I hope I can motivate myself and others through this
Thankyou for reading
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Post by katie on Nov 7, 2019 14:45:21 GMT
People, i am boosted up by Serenity and want to put up my own notebook(once again) on the forum. This time i cannot held back really. You guys have tried doing things to control your bad habits and madd. I am going to do the same. If anyone of you have read my threads before, you must have realised i am more of suffering from the bad habits that i acquired as a daydreamer. I have added one to that as well that subsides my daydreaming but makes me fell more and more guilty about the way i am living my life - masturbating. i actually don't feel like much talking about that to anyone but it is just something that does delay my work or makes me too lazy to work overnight. It is just another escape root that i found for myself, with watching dramas, movies, eating and daydreaming following it up. I need to be accountable and more responsible and work in the gears that others are now racing in. So, here i will write every day about what all i want to accomplish first thing in the morning and give updates as to whether i were able to instill something different in my life and push back my habits a bit farther away. Some things might not be understandable or might be just me ranting about my problems but please bear with me. Todays task is to gauge sizes of three rooms and put it down on paper Complete fully describing my sectional essay and introduction Do some InDesign for half an hour Reach college tomorrow by 7 I know it is too much but i have to do it. This will also work as my other to do list and then i will finally write as to whether i achieved anything or not. I hope I can motivate myself and others through this Thankyou for reading This is a great idea best of luck with it and anything we can help you with add here as well. :) |
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Post by fellowmder on Nov 8, 2019 1:08:36 GMT
People, i am boosted up by Serenity and want to put up my own notebook(once again) on the forum. This time i cannot held back really. You guys have tried doing things to control your bad habits and madd. I am going to do the same. If anyone of you have read my threads before, you must have realised i am more of suffering from the bad habits that i acquired as a daydreamer. I have added one to that as well that subsides my daydreaming but makes me fell more and more guilty about the way i am living my life - masturbating. i actually don't feel like much talking about that to anyone but it is just something that does delay my work or makes me too lazy to work overnight. It is just another escape root that i found for myself, with watching dramas, movies, eating and daydreaming following it up. I need to be accountable and more responsible and work in the gears that others are now racing in. So, here i will write every day about what all i want to accomplish first thing in the morning and give updates as to whether i were able to instill something different in my life and push back my habits a bit farther away. Some things might not be understandable or might be just me ranting about my problems but please bear with me. Todays task is to gauge sizes of three rooms and put it down on paper Complete fully describing my sectional essay and introduction Do some InDesign for half an hour Reach college tomorrow by 7 I know it is too much but i have to do it. This will also work as my other to do list and then i will finally write as to whether i achieved anything or not. I hope I can motivate myself and others through this Thankyou for reading This is a great idea best of luck with it and anything we can help you with add here as well.  Thankyou very much Katie |
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Post by fellowmder on Nov 8, 2019 1:16:05 GMT
So first day didn't go anything well. i back again was following my habits as i was all alone and was at home today. I wasted some 8 hours before sitting back and doing some productive work. But i haven't checked off anything from the to do list. But I'll keep trying, I'll shift those things for today.
Today, i am also going to form an excuse for why stuffs didn't complete. I know this is somehow giving in for daydreaming, i have caught myself daydreaming a conversation of how i am going to convince others that i wasn't in a position to do my work. I wish this doesn't repeat over and over again.
Starting at a good note, today's to list-
-field gauging
- putting everything on the grid book
- essay descriptive
- rowc hw
Hope all of you are doing well
Thanks for reading
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Post by serenity on Nov 9, 2019 1:13:37 GMT
Hi there. Glad my diary has helped you. It really feels good to get it out there, what's going on, how I'm doing. I needed to just quit. I'm not the type to be able to decrease in increments. But that's not the same for everyone. Don't beat yourself up about not achieving your goals. Fact is, you've opened up on here to a community that will support and never judge you. I've only been on here a little while, but it is such a massive notion for me to have support. If I may presume to give advice, don't set three or four things to do. Set one. And keep at one till you're strong enough for two. I think I speak for everyone when I say damn good job in coming here to post. We've got your back, buddy. Good luck. S
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Post by dragontooth00 on Nov 9, 2019 4:38:44 GMT
I absolutely agree! You’re amazing for putting in the effort, but putting too many things on your to do list will make you feel defeated when you don’t get all of them done. One at a time should be just right, and then, when you find you can do a little more, you’ll have over achieved for the day, and that’s much more encouraging! I hope you keep posting! I love reading yours and Serenity’s logs!
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Post by fellowmder on Nov 10, 2019 3:28:59 GMT
sorry for such a late reply. one of my comment got deleted so i'am rewriting that.
thankyou serenity and dragontoothoo for reading and giving suggestions. even i think achieving one thing at a time is more helpful but the submission deadlines keep piling up. right now my head is a bit messed up as i have a deadline tomorrow and well i am doing a good job as a procrastinator. the thing is i can't work accept at uni. i cannot either get out of my daydreams, my phone or i find myself masturbate. yesterday, i just watch a biography of a drug addict. the way they become was just a terrifying scene. it was that thing i am really afraid of- the aftermaths of being an addict to anything. switching the topic-
i haven't achieved much to anything. have been working since morning with daydreams entering now and then. I have to reach my work deadline anyhow. so i am breaking it down into chunks so as to make it less overwhelming with timely deadlines to myself. ill see if this works. i am also from now keeping an online time log for anything and everything i do.
i hope all of you are doing fine. thanks for reading
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Post by serenity on Nov 10, 2019 12:12:21 GMT
Hey there. The thing of paramount importance is to remember things don't change overnight. You've recognised that things need to change for yourself, and are Making a conscious effort to do so. That's the first, hardest step. Damn fine job. In terms of college, speak with your tutors. You need not tell them the specifics. Tell them you're having a tough time with issues, and arrange extensions on your deadlines. The fact you're approaching them will demonstrate commitment to your course. It wont do you any good to attempt to meet deadlines that you cannot meet,and will only serve to increase the pressure you're putting on yourself. It took me too sodding long to realise there is no shame in having mental health issues. Give yourself a break, and take one step at a time. You're doing brilliantly. Recognise that, and use it as an anchor. We've got your back. All of us. S
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Post by fellowmder on Nov 13, 2019 14:05:41 GMT
Thanks serenity to keep my spirits upm yesterday was actually really good for me although i did not achieve much of my goal for the day. But I have done a very hard core research for my essay which i wish to complete by tonight. I was awed by how many connections i vould draw. I had been reading for like a month now but i guess all of my thoughts got collected just yesterday. Today i wasn't enthusiastic about much but i worked through some unknown sadness. Yet i did pretty decent job in studio.
Some info on triggers- i get triggered by happy things and in stressful days? Do happy days trigger your urge a lot, like me? To me it is like i can conquer the entire world when i am happy and that kicks off my daydreams. Is there any MDer like that?
Plus to that- how are you guys doing?
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Post by fellowmder on Nov 14, 2019 13:12:16 GMT
I am just sort of  today. It is rather like feeling too small in front of everyone. I don't know how to express this but it's like turns of mood swings where i suddenly feel like crying, not talking to people and then just do something stupid. Then it's like things are fine. I don't know how much of this i am making up and how much of it is just the real thing i am feeling. I feel like banging my head and then it's alright, i can go through the day. Do you know what this might be? |
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Post by Sam on Nov 14, 2019 19:20:32 GMT
I am just sort of sad today. It is rather like feeling too small in front of everyone. I don't know how to express this but it's like turns of mood swings where i suddenly feel like crying, not talking to people and then just do something stupid. Then it's like things are fine. I don't know how much of this i am making up and how much of it is just the real thing i am feeling. I feel like banging my head and then it's alright, i can go through the day. Do you know what this might be? Have you talked to a doctor about possibly having a mood disorder? I can't remember if you've mentioned that before. |
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Post by dragontooth00 on Nov 15, 2019 6:22:19 GMT
It sounds like bipolar, with the back and forth stuff. Definitely worth talking to a therapist about! Hope you can find some good help for it!
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Post by fellowmder on Nov 16, 2019 3:54:25 GMT
I am just sort of today. It is rather like feeling too small in front of everyone. I don't know how to express this but it's like turns of mood swings where i suddenly feel like crying, not talking to people and then just do something stupid. Then it's like things are fine. I don't know how much of this i am making up and how much of it is just the real thing i am feeling. I feel like banging my head and then it's alright, i can go through the day. Do you know what this might be? Have you talked to a doctor about possibly having a mood disorder? I can't remember if you've mentioned that before. Thanks for the reply. I thought about that a year before, maybe i have a mood disorder. But to be frank, i, as a daydreamer have tried putting myself as a character with various mental disorders. This makes me question, as i wrote in the post, that probably i don't suffer from anything in reality. Just in order to escape from work and responsibilities, i am making things up. I am a person who would love if someone would just pity her. My daydreams have been like that. And probably i am instilling that in my real world as well, through the means of just making confusing emotions inside my head so that i don't have to face reality. Probably that is the case. I don't think I have any mental disorder ( sometimes I wonder if i even have Maladaptive daydreaming or just another thing to escape from reality and get pity out of the people who read my posts) What do you think? |
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Post by fellowmder on Nov 16, 2019 4:03:08 GMT
2 days i have done some really stupid stuffs. There is this pattern- i break after introductiom of every new exercise- by break i mean binge watch, eat and daydream. It ususally happens just the day after that. But this time, it happened like two days after it. I watched drama the entire night, daydreamt way too much. This much of urge took place after a long time. Yesterday was good and bad but i gave up on myself. I don't feel like doing stuffs but i know that time and world are not waiting for me to begin. So i am going to work.
I have a lot to do for essay and exhibition booklet. The timer method sort of doesn't work for me, but I'll try once again.
I am going to compile my booklet and try a formatting method.
Work on three models and go to uni at 8 at night.
I hope i achieve this
Thanks guys for replying to earlier posts. I am not too much hiked up or motivated or either way positive right now. But everyone has these type of days. I'll get up and start working.
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Post by Sam on Nov 16, 2019 4:14:37 GMT
Have you talked to a doctor about possibly having a mood disorder? I can't remember if you've mentioned that before. Thanks for the reply. I thought about that a year before, maybe i have a mood disorder. But to be frank, i, as a daydreamer have tried putting myself as a character with various mental disorders. This makes me question, as i wrote in the post, that probably i don't suffer from anything in reality. Just in order to escape from work and responsibilities, i am making things up. I am a person who would love if someone would just pity her. My daydreams have been like that. And probably i am instilling that in my real world as well, through the means of just making confusing emotions inside my head so that i don't have to face reality. Probably that is the case. I don't think I have any mental disorder ( sometimes I wonder if i even have Maladaptive daydreaming or just another thing to escape from reality and get pity out of the people who read my posts) What do you think? It might be worth it, if you can, to see a psychologist. If for nothing else than they might be able to help you identify why you feel the need to escape from everything. Because that seems to be exactly what you're doing--escaping from your responsibilities, feeling bad about it, and escaping more to avoid the bad feeling. They would also be better qualified to determine whether you have a mood disorder or other mental illnesses. You're escaping for a reason. And whether or not that reason is an actual mental illness, it still should be addressed so that you can live your life the way that you want. |
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today. It is rather like feeling too small in front of everyone. I don't know how to express this but it's like turns of mood swings where i suddenly feel like crying, not talking to people and then just do something stupid. Then it's like things are fine. I don't know how much of this i am making up and how much of it is just the real thing i am feeling. I feel like banging my head and then it's alright, i can go through the day. 
