This is what I have been day dreaming about.

Hi guys, I am new to this forum but I am glad that I have found this website and all of you people. Its nice to know that there are other people having the same issue as me. With that said. I will tell you all what I have been day dreaming (ruminating) about. I appologise ahead of time if the sentences are running on.   

 I am sure that I have Day Dreamed since I was really little. But the stuff that I have been dealing with started in

1989. The begining of my 9th grade school year. I had a crush on a guy in school that was in 2 of m classes. Our homerooms were right next to each other . I wanted to get to know him better. So I wrote him (T) a note to tell him that I liked him,etc. The note fell out of my folder right before home room. Someone had found it and read it. Both him(T) and myself were so imbarresed. From 9th grade to 12th grade (T) never talked to me unless it had to do with gym or art class. (which were the 2 classes that we were in together). I admit that after the whole note thing, I too was affraid to talk to him (T). I did try to at least sa "HI" or something and he just ran the other way.

     In the mean time, I had met my now husband (B)in the middle of 9th grade. He was not shy or affraid to talk to me. I got to know B over the years and eventhough T didnt talk to me. I still wondered how he felt about me,etc.

 B was also on the same bus going home as me. So we had more time to talk one on one. In the middle of 9th grade,3 months after talking to (B) we started dating.

  Graduation day (T) held the door open for me. I thanked him. I wanted to talk to (T) after the ceramony but I didnt. I guess I too was scared.

    Moving on to after high school graduation, found out he went to a community college nearby and then another school out of town (correction officer) I didnt go to college and neither did my now husband(B). I work doing different positions over the years at Tops and Walmart(26years).(B) does home improvement and machanic on cars and mowers,etc.

   Over these 30 some yrs (T) has come to where I work and talked to me some. that is how I found out what he was doing with school ,etc. Its hard to really talk to someone while you are working. even if I have a few mins while stocking shelves or coming back from break. I did manage to ask him though why he never talked to me in school those 4 years. His answer was " I was affraid and I still am." There were also a few times that I would have able to talk to him(T) because I was leaving in a half hour or something like that. but I too like froze or was babbling on about stupid shit. Everytime that I had seen him, I was happy and surprised that he came to see me and that HE WAS TALKING TO ME! Something that he /we couldnt do for 4 years in school.

while he was away at the school out of town , I married (B). By the way,one of  my brother in laws is autistic and the other brother in law needed help to get on his feet when we got older .

  I knew that we would have 2 people living with us(B and I) but I wanted to help B because I loved B, I didnt have to love his family. so to speak. I was going to help B do what he needed to do and be by his side.

    In the mean time, T would pop in when ever and talk for a few mins and then back to the same old.  Like I said hard to really talk to someone while you are at work. T has 2 kids and a girl friend that he to has been with for a while. I have given him good a couple of times. we are not friends on FBor any other media. we were bt I limited my access because I was about him all the time and wanted to visit his profile alot. so I stopped that. I dont want to be a stalker.

In a nutshell, I day dream (ruminate) about what could have been. If I did things diffeerently I play things out in my head and Fantisize about different senerios, etc.

 Triggers are when I am bored, to make me feel good, in the shower , when I have time to myself, doing repetitious stuff at work. wondering when he is coming in to where I work.

    Wanting to day Dream makes it hard for me to concentrate and follow thruogh with everyday tasks, also getting things done. makes me keep to myself alot.

  sorry for the long post but felt like I needed to share my story instead of just reading everyone elses. Thank you for allowing me in this group. and happy to meet all of you. Its nice to know that I am not alone. and Thanks for reading. any input would be gladly welcomed