|
|
Post by someone on Feb 29, 2020 5:29:37 GMT
Sometimes I just email myself my feelings. I feel like maybe I should just post here tonight. I'm lying down, supposed to be sleeping, and you're on my mind. I can feel that I'm not comfortable. Mild arousal keeps me from dozing, keeps me from calm. I know this is going to be another night in which you're in my mind. I know I'll think about you in me for hours. I know I will feel better when in done, but I won't be done  about you. I only I'll think again about getting pregnant. I will imagine you are willing to stay. I know I'll imagine you convincing me that you really care, that I'm lovable, that we should be together and it won't be a mess and it won't be regretted and that we won't be out. I'll imagine you letting me lean on you, you with your arm around me, you insisting on holding me to make me feel better when I'm sick, even though I say you shouldn't because I'm contagious. I will think of you trying to be just right for me, because how I feel really matters to you. I'll keep doing this every night. I'll keep breathing and responding to nothing. My mind can fake it until I feel fulfilled. I think about your lips on me, your hands on me, your tongue in my mouth, your body over and inside of mine, moving me as the French kiss continues. I think of the speeds, the pressures, the duration, angles, more. I want you so bad. I can't do for myself what I am dying for you to do for me. I don't even want to try because I can't help but feel awful afterwards, physically and emotionally. I just want you. I want you so bad. Now that it's all said, I'll just post this |
|
|
|
Post by someone on Feb 29, 2020 16:32:34 GMT
I have no idea why the title is what it is. I was so tired I didn't spell check, I didn't even fix the title. I guess writing that all actually made me fall asleep faster than when I just keep it in my head. I feel bad about all my creepy thoughts. I like that though I can feel so much I can keep it in my head. At least I know I am not spreading my gutter thoughts into gutter actions, but I wish this kind of stuff wasn't on my mind, but at the same time I still feel that I really wish all that was in my life. I can't tell of all the times my time was lost to these kinds of physical daydreams. How often I'm about relationships. It's just too many. It feels like most daydreams are sexual, and after that is my other relationship thoughts, like pregnancy, leaning on him, his arm around me, him trying so hard to be there for me and convince me he loves me. My daydreams about how I'll help my family or the world in the near or far future, which would be more helpful to keep in mind compared to what I do keep in mind, are only third on the list. They are not so often. One of the awful things about MD is you do not realize how specific the addiction is until you find that you can't even stop certain kinds of things you daydream about with other things you daydream about. Your mind just won't change the distribution. It's addicted to different daydreams like they are different drugs, and each kind will take something separate to get rid of. |
|
|
|
Post by someone on Mar 3, 2020 4:16:56 GMT
Don't know how to fix this thread's name. I feel like I'm making a mess of the forum. I always post things in some place, it is the right place, but then I realize it didn't really belong there, like this is in random when it's actually about daydreams, so it should be in MD general, I think. I guess it is a bit more hidden here though, and less people would read it, but why do I want it out there and hidden at the same time? I guess, even here, I feel like a creep. I feel like a pervert. I know I don't really want to stop about sex and love from someone I am barely friends with, I know that and I hate it. I hate me for my thoughts. I daydream about finding out I have some kind of overactivity or overgrowth in the part of the brain that causes sexual feelings, and then getting treatment for it. I daydream about all sorts of similar situations. I wish it was that simple. My whole life I was like this. I remember being really little and. How can I even talk about it. I have always been a freak and I know it. I don't want to go to a doctor and find out there is physically nothing wrong with me to cause me to have always felt hypersexual. I will have to face then that I really am a freak and a pervert. I wish I could be more like the rest of you, with daydreaming being your main problem. But I can't hide that there is this other problem, this messed up problem, that I am ashamed of, and yet there is a part of me that is afraid of changing to a me without the problem. I am afraid of not wanting him anymore, and I am afraid I wouldn't even try for him if I ever felt normal. How can I long to kill my desire but want to hold onto it too? I am wishing he were with me now. What should I do? Should I always just risk my values to attempt to remove my demons? What if my value is my demon? |
|
|
|
Post by Sam on Mar 3, 2020 5:51:30 GMT
Don't know how to fix this thread's name. I feel like I'm making a mess of the forum. I always post things in some place, thinking it is the right place, but then I realize it didn't really belong there, like this is in random when it's actually about daydreams, so it should be in MD general, I think. I guess it is a bit more hidden here though, and less people would read it, but why do I want it out there and hidden at the same time? I guess, even here, I feel like a creep. I feel like a pervert. I know I don't really want to stop thinking about sex and love from someone I am barely friends with, I know that and I hate it. I hate me for my thoughts. I daydream about finding out I have some kind of overactivity or overgrowth in the part of the brain that causes sexual feelings, and then getting treatment for it. I daydream about all sorts of similar situations. I wish it was that simple. My whole life I was like this. I remember being really little and. How can I even talk about it. I have always been a freak and I know it. I don't want to go to a doctor and find out there is physically nothing wrong with me to cause me to have always felt hypersexual. I will have to face then that I really am a freak and a pervert. I wish I could be more like the rest of you, with daydreaming being your main problem. But I can't hide that there is this other problem, this messed up problem, that I am ashamed of, and yet there is a part of me that is afraid of changing to a me without the problem. I am afraid of not wanting him anymore, and I am afraid I wouldn't even try for him if I ever felt normal. How can I long to kill my desire but want to hold onto it too? I am wishing he were with me now. What should I do? Should I always just risk my values to attempt to remove my demons? What if my value is my demon? First of all, you should be able to change the thread title by editing the first post. Once you're in the edit screen, there should be a box at the top where you can change the title. And try not to worry about posting things in the "wrong" area. It's up to you where you post things, and if the mods really believe that it's in the wrong spot, we'll let you know and move it. As for the hypersexuality, I don't really have the energy to write a lot right now, but I think you should go easy on yourself. Hypersexuality can be caused by a number of things, including bipolar disorder, and no matter what the cause, it's not something that makes you inherently bad or dirty. I feel like we previously talked about you potentially having bipolar disorder? I could be wrong, and if I am I apologize, I get people mixed up really easy. I've actually been dealing with something similar recently. It's doubly irritating (though slightly comforting) that none of the things I daydream about doing are things that I feel like I would actually do in real life. I get hypersexuality (probably a symptom of my bipolar disorder tbh), but it's constrained to my daydreams (the advantage of having anxiety as bad as mine is that it almost always overcomes the impulsiveness of bipolar disorder). It's late and I'm losing my train of thought and coherency, so I'll try to remember to add something about suggestions or whatever tomorrow. |
|
|
|
Post by Sam on Mar 3, 2020 19:23:39 GMT
Alright, I'm back.
As I said last night, being hypersexual doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you as a person. What about it bothers you? Is your culture/community/family very sex-negative? If so, it could increase the amount of distress you feel about your hypersexuality. Are the thoughts about things that are socially understood to be bad? A common type of intrusive thought is sexually deviant ones. People can even get intrusive thoughts about engaging in pedophilia or incest, which are obviously quite distressing and disturbing, even though its never something they would actually act on. What qualifies as sexual deviancy depends on your culture, so there are many different ones that can cause intrusive thoughts.
Perhaps you would feel better if you tried to center your hypersexuality on people who don't actually exist in real life. I, personally, feel very uncomfortable thinking sexual things about people who exist in real life, especially people who I know, so I try to only do it with fictional characters.
|
|
|
|
Post by someone on Mar 3, 2020 21:26:10 GMT
I am very thankful for your response, but I can't respond any further here because it's public, so I'll finish in vent and advice under my other problem thread.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sam on Mar 3, 2020 21:50:47 GMT
I am very thankful for your response, but I can't respond any further here because it's public, so I'll finish in vent and advice under my other problem thread. Understandable. I'm always available through private message if you want to talk about it. |
|
|
|
Post by someone on Mar 6, 2020 4:24:35 GMT
How I'll love to stop about you. How I wish I can be wherever you are right now. How I wish you can feel the same way about me. How I wish you won't find me disgusting. Gosh, I wish one day in your life you were wishing for me this way. Wish I was in your mind in a non-negative way sometimes. Wish I can just tell you all this and you won't try to avoid me. Wish telling you won't seal the deal on you never being with me. I hate being this selfish. I want you so bad too often. |
|
about you. I only I'll think again about getting pregnant. I will imagine you are willing to stay. I know I'll imagine you convincing me that you really care, that I'm lovable, that we should be together and it won't be a mess and it won't be regretted and that we won't be out. I'll imagine you letting me lean on you, you with your arm around me, you insisting on holding me to make me feel better when I'm sick, even though I say you shouldn't because I'm contagious. I will think of you trying to be just right for me, because how I feel really matters to you. I'll keep doing this every night. I'll keep breathing and responding to nothing. My mind can fake it until I feel fulfilled. I think about your lips on me, your hands on me, your tongue in my mouth, your body over and inside of mine, moving me as the French kiss continues. I think of the speeds, the pressures, the duration, angles, more. I want you so bad. I can't do for myself what I am dying for you to do for me. I don't even want to try because I can't help but feel awful afterwards, physically and emotionally. I just want you. I want you so bad. Now that it's all said, I'll just post this
