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Post by legendarydarkknight on Mar 14, 2020 12:56:45 GMT
I've been looking to open some threads here to tell about myself...but I can't. My perfectionism gets in the way. I wanna open threads that would have cool names and full posts that I'm able to tell what's on my mind. But I can't. It looks like too much of an hassle and time that I can waste on playing games instead. And I don't wanna write any posts if it's not gonna be 'magnifique' as I want it to be.
That's not the only field of my life I'm struggling rn. EVERYTHING is like that. I don't call friends because it'll take too long. I don't go anywhere because I'm too lazy about it (besides, Corona). I don't even play games because it gets so boring after a while and I can't like anything I'm playing at all. And mind you, playing games is the core reason I'm giving up everything.
I feel like I'm so stuck on my mind, trying to find the 'perfect' thing to do, I..can't do anything. I'm just sitting, lying around and looking at the phone/pc like a mindless beast. I'm in a blank point of my life.
I feel so... empty. I'm not empty, and shit like that happens, I guess. But I wanna get out of it. I wanna get to somewhere. Gotta start from somewhere. Here looks good to do so.
I'm so tired. I'm doing nothing, but I'm tired. Why?
Thanks to all who read this, even if you can't understand a damn about it. I probably won't when I read it with a clean mind.
Sand halp. Pls. (Don't. I just felt like to add this line. Accursed intrusive thoughts.)
Edit: Just after 3 hours writing this I called two of my best friends and had small but nice talks. Guess I just needed to bitch here to unlock some cells trapped in that brain. Also for some stupid reason I think that final line I wrote is dumb as crap so I apologize if it is offensive to anyone who thinks of seeking help. If you think something's wrong to the extent you can't fix by your own (which is totally normal; I can't either, obviously), open up about it in this forum, (or join, if you haven't yet) or just seek professional help. It is normal and sometimes necessary to seek some help for us all to be able to see ourselves clearly.
Yeah, an even more pointless edit to a pointless post, but here it goes. Things managed to get better for me in less than three hours, and more importantly, I've made them better by just deciding to act. It can and will be better for all of us, eventually. We just need the will to act.
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Post by Sam on Mar 14, 2020 20:42:54 GMT
I agree, starting to act is hard, but doing something, even something small, is worth it. I can say from personal experience that when I'm feeling stuck in my life, talking about it, even just in my journal, usually helps me feel better.
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Post by legendarydarkknight on Mar 15, 2020 9:14:18 GMT
I agree, starting to act is hard, but doing something, even something small, is worth it. I can say from personal experience that when I'm feeling stuck in my life, talking about it, even just in my journal, usually helps me feel better. Yeah writing stuff out helps a lot; but there was a point in my life when I was writing EVERYTHING down in my mind due to forgetting those beautiful lines and talks I made up in my daydreams; and doing so lowered the effect of 'journaling' my thoughts a lot. But getting back the hang of it; and with a community where I can write down my thoughts with impunity, it'll both help me to get my thoughts out of my mind and allow me to reach people with similar experiences. It's my personal attention seeking, really; but it does help to make me feel better; not to mention getting rid of that sensation that I feel like Imma explode from the density of these thoughts. More people sees them, better for me. |
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Post by Sam on Mar 16, 2020 0:48:09 GMT
I agree, starting to act is hard, but doing something, even something small, is worth it. I can say from personal experience that when I'm feeling stuck in my life, talking about it, even just in my journal, usually helps me feel better. Yeah writing stuff out helps a lot; but there was a point in my life when I was writing EVERYTHING down in my mind due to forgetting those beautiful lines and talks I made up in my daydreams; and doing so lowered the effect of 'journaling' my thoughts a lot. But getting back the hang of it; and with a community where I can write down my thoughts with impunity, it'll both help me to get my thoughts out of my mind and allow me to reach people with similar experiences. It's my personal attention seeking, really; but it does help to make me feel better; not to mention getting rid of that sensation that I feel like Imma explode from the density of these thoughts. More people sees them, better for me. I can understand that. Sometimes just journaling doesn't really feel like enough. That's where forums like this and venting on twitter or whatever can come in handy. It feels like you're venting TO people, but because you're screaming into the internet void, it can feel better than venting AT a specific person, like a friend. Like, when I'm feeling shitty enough that just journaling isn't helping, but I also would feel bad about venting to a friend (usually because it feels like I'm burdening them, or maybe they're dealing with enough already and I don't want to pile my crap on them too), posting here or on twitter can help. You're screaming into the internet void, and people can respond if they want, but because you aren't sending it directly to them, they don't feel obligated to do so. IDK. |
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Post by legendarydarkknight on Mar 16, 2020 9:39:41 GMT
Yeah writing stuff out helps a lot; but there was a point in my life when I was writing EVERYTHING down in my mind due to forgetting those beautiful lines and talks I made up in my daydreams; and doing so lowered the effect of 'journaling' my thoughts a lot. But getting back the hang of it; and with a community where I can write down my thoughts with impunity, it'll both help me to get my thoughts out of my mind and allow me to reach people with similar experiences. It's my personal attention seeking, really; but it does help to make me feel better; not to mention getting rid of that sensation that I feel like Imma explode from the density of these thoughts. More people sees them, better for me. I can understand that. Sometimes just journaling doesn't really feel like enough. That's where forums like this and venting on twitter or whatever can come in handy. It feels like you're venting TO people, but because you're screaming into the internet void, it can feel better than venting AT a specific person, like a friend. Like, when I'm feeling shitty enough that just journaling isn't helping, but I also would feel bad about venting to a friend (usually because it feels like I'm burdening them, or maybe they're dealing with enough already and I don't want to pile my crap on them too), posting here or on twitter can help. You're screaming into the internet void, and people can respond if they want, but because you aren't sending it directly to them, they don't feel obligated to do so. IDK. Yeah, exactly! You're screaming to someone, but do so in the Internet void where they may or may not be able to see. But you DO throw it out there; out of your mind and journals. Someone else sees them, and you know your thoughts at least reached someone; even if it isn't the person they're meant for. Personally, I'm so used to live everything inside myself. Being afraid of being branded 'crazy' for all my thoughts always made me keep my thoughts inside. And for me, thoughts are getting poisonous after a long while of endlessly cycling them in my brain. That's what's so tiring for me: Being trapped with thoughts that no one will ever understand. I never could properly vent to my friends because of that as well; only driving forward 'dummy' problems while the real ones were always kept to myself. But now, in a community where people are suffering similar problems as I do, I can vent freely as I want as no one's going to judge me 'crazy', really. No one's gonna see my problems as something I pulled off my butt. It's partly that relief that's also causing me to want as many people to see my REAL thoughts as possible. I'm finally free of being isolated. I'm adjusting to this 'freedom' which is another reason why I'm so emotionally tired these days; but once that feeling of relief fully settles in (and other problems are sorted out), I'll be better than I ever was, knowing that I'm not alone anymore. Or, I guess, we're not alone anymore, as MaDDs, being isolated is our existential curse, really. |
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Marcydel
Junior Daydreamer
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Post by Marcydel on Mar 20, 2020 20:45:59 GMT
I’m glad that you don’t feel trapped anymore! Yeah, I agree that thoughts can become toxic if we toss them around in our own heads for too long, instead of expressing or actively dealing with them in the first place. Hope everything stays better for you  |
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Post by legendarydarkknight on Mar 20, 2020 23:04:29 GMT
Thanks a ton; I hope they will get even better. My mood's constantly swinging these days, really; that feeling of 'being trapped' is coming back and forth; but it's more due to the quarantine circumstances. There's nothing I like more than being at home doing my stuff (games, daydreaming, if I'm REALLY pumped up and focused for it, reading) but I've had enough of being at home for so long now. I'm pretty much in this state since my school 'actively' ended at the end of January. Aside from this legendary boredom though, I'm struggling far less to raise my arse and do some stuff now. I'll be in this struggle for a while, but I'm not feeling that tired anymore; and I doubt I will for a good amount of time since I've finally gotten used to writing down to the forum if something's wrong. Being able to vent on someone instead of myself (again) really makes a difference.
How's it going for you? Can you keep up with the 'cold turkey'? Could you get some results out of it yet?
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Marcydel
Junior Daydreamer
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Post by Marcydel on Mar 24, 2020 3:42:32 GMT
No, I eventually relapsed. I think majority of my MD really stems from being irrationally insecure and a little immature, just toxic thoughts and feelings feelings feelings. Though some of my characters really do make me feel  and empty when I get rid of them, so idk what’s going on there, I guess those specific characters runs a bit deeper. Strangely, I didn’t notice that before, so I’m glad I went cold turkey for five days. Thanks for asking! |
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Post by Sam on Apr 8, 2020 16:55:30 GMT
No, I eventually relapsed. I think majority of my MD really stems from being irrationally insecure and a little immature, just toxic thoughts and feelings feelings feelings. Though some of my characters really do make me feel sad and empty when I get rid of them, so idk what’s going on there, I guess those specific characters runs a bit deeper. Strangely, I didn’t notice that before, so I’m glad I went cold turkey for five days. Thanks for asking! If you know what your daydreaming stems from, could you maybe take steps to address those things? That way you won't feel the urge to daydream as much? |
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Pam
New Daydreamer
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Post by Pam on Apr 9, 2020 5:25:09 GMT
This will probably sound awful of me but thank you. Hearing others talk about things that they are struggling with helps. I guess it makes me not feel so alone to know that others are struggling too, gosh I sound like a horrid person but yeah we all have different things that help so thank you
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Post by legendarydarkknight on Apr 9, 2020 11:11:16 GMT
Not awful of you at all; at least, not for me. We're just so alone in our worlds, seeing others with the same problems is a comforting situation. Yeah, it may sound horrid, but everyone here knows what kind of loneliness we face and (I believe) we're all glad that we're with people that understands our pain and we all grow stronger through our shared experiences. So don't feel bad about it at all.
That's what 'true loneliness' does; you think of it like you're 'leeching' off the people's miseries and sufferings, but all you're doing is being comforted by the presence of experiences you can relate to, and it's perfectly fine to do so. We already daydream enough to torture ourselves, don't put shame or guilt to the list.
Welcome aboard!
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Marcydel
Junior Daydreamer
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So tired.
Apr 12, 2020 8:19:01 GMT
via mobile
Sam likes this
Post by Marcydel on Apr 12, 2020 8:19:01 GMT
No, I eventually relapsed. I think majority of my MD really stems from being irrationally insecure and a little immature, just toxic thoughts and feelings feelings feelings. Though some of my characters really do make me feel and empty when I get rid of them, so idk what’s going on there, I guess those specific characters runs a bit deeper. Strangely, I didn’t notice that before, so I’m glad I went cold turkey for five days. Thanks for asking! If you know what your daydreaming stems from, could you maybe take steps to address those things? That way you won't feel the urge to daydream as much? Yeah  I guess that’s ideally how to do it, but I’ve been trying to do just that for a couple of years, so my strategy needs to change. Commence Round 3 of Operation Look-for-a-(Good)-Therapist! |
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Post by jujubear on Apr 13, 2020 1:05:36 GMT
Firstly, this is one of the most relateable posts I have come across in this forum. What @lengendarydarkknight is saying basically explains why I only have about three posts but it has been over a year since I joined. It is (strangely) comforting to know that someone, somewhere out there is going through the same emotional turmoil.
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and empty when I get rid of them, so idk what’s going on there, I guess those specific characters runs a bit deeper. Strangely, I didn’t notice that before, so I’m glad I went cold turkey for five days. Thanks for asking!
I guess that’s ideally how to do it, but I’ve been trying to do just that for a couple of years, so my strategy needs to change. Commence Round 3 of Operation Look-for-a-(Good)-Therapist! 