Post by cherryvol6 on Apr 22, 2020 3:02:57 GMT
hi. this feels kinda weird actually posting abt this somewhere ?? ive never opened up go a single other living soul abt this but. not even sure if im posting correctly ?? idk.
hi. im 18. ive had MD for as long as i can remember. ik it probably stems from my childhood trauma- my father was an alcoholic who often verbally abused my mom- but i repressed a lot of my childhood so.
i see a lot of people say they always thought their habits were normal, but i’ve always felt like there was something wrong with me but that since i was the only one to experience it, it would never have a term coined for it.
but hey, here i am.
ive actually been in therapy on and off for about four years now for social anxiety. (not currently due to lockdown and the anxiety i get from my family possible hearing me is prohibiting me from wanting to do virtual sessions). but ive never brought up my MD bc i just feel sort of ashamed of it and just cant bring myself to bring it up.
my daydreams are somewhat projections of my ideal self in ideal relationships- except in my head i look completely different and dont even have the same name.
i daydream when im bored, when im stressed, when im
, pretty much as a reaction to everything. i think at this point ive pavloved myself into daydreaming whenever i listen to music.
i always have to pace to truly daydream, and when i dont have the ability to just put in headphones, and pace, i get anxious and irritable and its just an awful experience. if my setup isnt perfect to my standards (such as the left ear of my headphones blowing out and not emitting noise) i go into full blown panic attacks.
this has gotten very long at this point but im finding myself really wanting to get this under control as im going away to college and will be having at least one roommate, making it improbable for me to be able to pace while daydreaming. but im not quite sure how to stop. everytime i try i feel like im killing all of my characters who ive grown fond of that have done nothing wrong and i start to have a breakdown. and my coping to stop breakdowns is to daydream that someone is there to comfort me, and i forget why i broke down in the first place. so its a never ending cycle.
if you read this far, thank u. its nice to know that there may be some people willing to listen.
hi. im 18. ive had MD for as long as i can remember. ik it probably stems from my childhood trauma- my father was an alcoholic who often verbally abused my mom- but i repressed a lot of my childhood so.
i see a lot of people say they always thought their habits were normal, but i’ve always felt like there was something wrong with me but that since i was the only one to experience it, it would never have a term coined for it.
but hey, here i am.
ive actually been in therapy on and off for about four years now for social anxiety. (not currently due to lockdown and the anxiety i get from my family possible hearing me is prohibiting me from wanting to do virtual sessions). but ive never brought up my MD bc i just feel sort of ashamed of it and just cant bring myself to bring it up.
my daydreams are somewhat projections of my ideal self in ideal relationships- except in my head i look completely different and dont even have the same name.
i daydream when im bored, when im stressed, when im
, pretty much as a reaction to everything. i think at this point ive pavloved myself into daydreaming whenever i listen to music. i always have to pace to truly daydream, and when i dont have the ability to just put in headphones, and pace, i get anxious and irritable and its just an awful experience. if my setup isnt perfect to my standards (such as the left ear of my headphones blowing out and not emitting noise) i go into full blown panic attacks.
this has gotten very long at this point but im finding myself really wanting to get this under control as im going away to college and will be having at least one roommate, making it improbable for me to be able to pace while daydreaming. but im not quite sure how to stop. everytime i try i feel like im killing all of my characters who ive grown fond of that have done nothing wrong and i start to have a breakdown. and my coping to stop breakdowns is to daydream that someone is there to comfort me, and i forget why i broke down in the first place. so its a never ending cycle.
if you read this far, thank u. its nice to know that there may be some people willing to listen.
