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New
Apr 22, 2020 14:35:00 GMT
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4leafrose likes this
Post by melislost on Apr 22, 2020 14:35:00 GMT
I’m new here. I’d say about a year ago I was introduced to the term of maladaptive daydreaming on a different forum. Something clicked and for the first time in my life- there was a name for it! For years I’d had these elaborate scenarios I’d made up. Sometimes I did it while I was driving my kids to and from school- I wonder sometimes how I didn’t kill all of us, I was so engrossed in it. I went into auto pilot.. I’ve been married for over 20 years. This continued through my married years. My day dreams were always some type of romantic fantasy, with some character I had adapted from an actor I found attractive. To be honest it seemed so odd that I even did that as I have always been wildly attracted to my husband. Anyway, about 4 years ago my husband had a torrid affair with someone close to my family. (I refuse to say she was a friend in any, way, shape, or form, because friends don’t do things like that to people they claim to care about.) The daydreaming came to a screeching halt. I could barely watch a romantic movie. Long, short of it- after a lot of heartache, and more than enough misery- we are continuing to work on our marriage. Now that life is settled down to a more predictable routine- my daydreaming is amping up again. Especially when I am tired, and my husband isn’t home. I find it rather disheartening that it’s back again. I believe for me it is just a form of procrastination, and distraction from the real pain I feel that even though we are working to stay together- I still don’t want to understand how he could destroy me that way. I’m not even sure what I think joining this forum will do for me. I’m just so glad I finally have a “label” for what’s been going on in my head for a lot of my life- thanks
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New
Apr 22, 2020 16:44:31 GMT
Post by Sam on Apr 22, 2020 16:44:31 GMT
Welcome to the forum!
Knowing that you aren't alone and that you can always talk to other people here on the forum who have some of the same experiences as you is, for many people, a relief.
A lot of us use daydreaming as a coping mechanism, and that sounds kind of like what you've been doing recently. Have you been working with a marriage counselor, or are the two of you just trying to work things out on your own?
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New
Apr 23, 2020 3:12:21 GMT
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Post by melislost on Apr 23, 2020 3:12:21 GMT
I’ve been working with a therapist, my husband came once. I’m if he’d ever come again- I think he might not want to be “told” he’s wrong? Idk- haven’t been to see her in weeks because of the Covid stuff. So the working on the marriage is on our own. I have a lot of issues due to childhood traumas. PTSD, dissociative issues as well.. I’d overcome so many problems over the years. Did a lot of research, worked hard on myself- but the affair brought so much back to the surface...
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New
Apr 23, 2020 15:38:57 GMT
Post by Sam on Apr 23, 2020 15:38:57 GMT
I’ve been working with a therapist, my husband came once. I’m not sure if he’d ever come again- I think he might not want to be “told” he’s wrong? Idk- haven’t been to see her in weeks because of the Covid stuff. So the working on the marriage is on our own. I have a lot of issues due to childhood traumas. PTSD, dissociative issues as well.. I’d overcome so many problems over the years. Did a lot of research, worked hard on myself- but the affair brought so much back to the surface... It sucks that you haven't been able to see your therapist recently. Is there any chance that she does teletherapy--appointments over skype or zoom?
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New
Apr 23, 2020 17:22:45 GMT
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Sam likes this
Post by melislost on Apr 23, 2020 17:22:45 GMT
Yeah, I’m sure it’s an option- but it’s just enough for me to keep up with my already overloaded list of things to do every day. We are a family of 7. 4 of whom are already home all day because of shelter in place in effect where we are. There’s no privacy here- . It was different when I could go to her office. It’s really just getting on with life when there isn’t quite a new norm.. we moved to a new state almost 2 years ago- probably dumb on my part, but once it’s done, sometimes there’s no undoing for a long while. Been trying to start some new things to help me adjust. And I’m just trying to accept that I’m not at my best for now- doesn’t mean I’ll be in this feeling forever- it just feels like it won’t change.. feelings don’t always tell us the truth about what’s going on..
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Apr 24, 2020 19:12:59 GMT
Post by alvi on Apr 24, 2020 19:12:59 GMT
Welcome to the forum.
Do you see a relationship therapist who could help you both?
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