Post by kezdoesthings on May 13, 2020 2:33:14 GMT
Hi,
I have had MD for as long as I can remember, I have memories of talking to the people in my head from as young as 3. I am 16 years old and for most of it, I never believed anything was wrong with me. I knew I was different and that others didn't have the over active imagination I did but I always just thought it is what it is. It was the biggest part of my life I never talked about. When I was younger it was easier to have an outlet (I would use my barbie's to act out my daydreams) and imgination based games with friends that I never grew tired of despite my friends feeling differently (looking back they were definetely an outlet for my MD) but as a grew it became harder and harder to control my daydreaming and as a something that I had always lived with and was a part of me, I never saw the need to restrain myself. I was a fairly social child and cause I was young and many children had huge imaginations it didn't have a larger imapct on my real life.
But as I grew older and everyone around me began to grow out of their imaginations and focus more on real life I felt left behind. But still never thought that I should restrain myself. MD has both been a blessing and a curse on my life, When my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer when I was 14 daydreaming was a huge help to get through that time but because of that I began to willingly throw myself deeper and deeper down that rabbit hole. I began to be less social not wanting to go out instead staying and home daydreaming. The characters in my head (who usually came from TV shows and films, though there were a few orginal) became like family I spend more time talking to them than any of my real family, I just stay in my room daydreaming away. A couple of years ago I discovered fanfiction and that kicked it into overdrive. I became obsessed, spending all my free time reading and daydreaming sometimes going to bed after midnight and waking before dawn just so I could keep going, as well as dreaming about it when I was asleep. I ended up feelings distanced from my friends, I couldn't talk about whatever show they were watching cause I couldn't watch a show. I only pursued stuff that would encourage my daydreams. I began to realise that was was not healthy anymore but I didn't have the motivation to stop something I'd done all my life and had never seen as a bad thing. I is like a drug and I was an addict looking for my next fix. I couldn't imagine what life was like without it. If I didn't have my IC what did I have?
Just over a year ago I finally broke my silence on this part of my life and confessed to my best friend who said she had the same thing. We talked about it for hours and I remember how liberated I felt after I said it out loud all of sudden I didn't want to stop talking about it. We were both at unhealthy points and decided to help each other to control it. Since we had never talked about it before and didn't have a word for it was named it the Imagination Cycle (or the IC) We have kept up with each others mental state ever since (while never talking about specific daydreams we had inly just started agknowledging it and sharing the daydreams themselves seemed a bit too personal) checking in and letting the other know when we fell down the rabbit hole and trying to find a balance betwwen still having this integral part of our lives and having an actual life. A few months ago she send me a link to a page about Maladaptive Daydreaming and we realised that our IC actually had an offical name. This kind of made it real for us that this was a mental disorder that needed constant managment. I decided that this year would be a great year to really try and break out and be as present as possible so a joined a bunch of clubs and commitees in my school and was doing pretty well but the coronavirus has been seriously messing with me and I'm afraid I'm back to square one. So after months of having the tab open on my phone I finally decided to research it and that led me here and to me telling my story (or at least a summary) anyway I'm wondering if everyone has been as bad as I am and where I could get professional help if I needed it. Phew! that was long thanks for listening to my word vomit and I hope it at least makes some sort of sense.
I have had MD for as long as I can remember, I have memories of talking to the people in my head from as young as 3. I am 16 years old and for most of it, I never believed anything was wrong with me. I knew I was different and that others didn't have the over active imagination I did but I always just thought it is what it is. It was the biggest part of my life I never talked about. When I was younger it was easier to have an outlet (I would use my barbie's to act out my daydreams) and imgination based games with friends that I never grew tired of despite my friends feeling differently (looking back they were definetely an outlet for my MD) but as a grew it became harder and harder to control my daydreaming and as a something that I had always lived with and was a part of me, I never saw the need to restrain myself. I was a fairly social child and cause I was young and many children had huge imaginations it didn't have a larger imapct on my real life.
But as I grew older and everyone around me began to grow out of their imaginations and focus more on real life I felt left behind. But still never thought that I should restrain myself. MD has both been a blessing and a curse on my life, When my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer when I was 14 daydreaming was a huge help to get through that time but because of that I began to willingly throw myself deeper and deeper down that rabbit hole. I began to be less social not wanting to go out instead staying and home daydreaming. The characters in my head (who usually came from TV shows and films, though there were a few orginal) became like family I spend more time talking to them than any of my real family, I just stay in my room daydreaming away. A couple of years ago I discovered fanfiction and that kicked it into overdrive. I became obsessed, spending all my free time reading and daydreaming sometimes going to bed after midnight and waking before dawn just so I could keep going, as well as dreaming about it when I was asleep. I ended up feelings distanced from my friends, I couldn't talk about whatever show they were watching cause I couldn't watch a show. I only pursued stuff that would encourage my daydreams. I began to realise that was was not healthy anymore but I didn't have the motivation to stop something I'd done all my life and had never seen as a bad thing. I is like a drug and I was an addict looking for my next fix. I couldn't imagine what life was like without it. If I didn't have my IC what did I have?
Just over a year ago I finally broke my silence on this part of my life and confessed to my best friend who said she had the same thing. We talked about it for hours and I remember how liberated I felt after I said it out loud all of sudden I didn't want to stop talking about it. We were both at unhealthy points and decided to help each other to control it. Since we had never talked about it before and didn't have a word for it was named it the Imagination Cycle (or the IC) We have kept up with each others mental state ever since (while never talking about specific daydreams we had inly just started agknowledging it and sharing the daydreams themselves seemed a bit too personal) checking in and letting the other know when we fell down the rabbit hole and trying to find a balance betwwen still having this integral part of our lives and having an actual life. A few months ago she send me a link to a page about Maladaptive Daydreaming and we realised that our IC actually had an offical name. This kind of made it real for us that this was a mental disorder that needed constant managment. I decided that this year would be a great year to really try and break out and be as present as possible so a joined a bunch of clubs and commitees in my school and was doing pretty well but the coronavirus has been seriously messing with me and I'm afraid I'm back to square one. So after months of having the tab open on my phone I finally decided to research it and that led me here and to me telling my story (or at least a summary) anyway I'm wondering if everyone has been as bad as I am and where I could get professional help if I needed it. Phew! that was long thanks for listening to my word vomit and I hope it at least makes some sort of sense.
