Post by joanrei on Aug 6, 2020 16:58:09 GMT
Hi, I am from the Philippines.
I am desperately searching answers to what is happening to me. Because I really know that this is not right.
I don't know when it started. But as young kid, it is natural to play a "role-play". I did it to my toys. I named my dolls, cars, etc. and given them life. It came to the point when I make a story played by my fingers (characterizing each of them). It was fun; I was having a blast. And since then, it grew in me.
I became totally conscious when I entered high school. I was hit by the reality that I was talking to no one. It became delirious when I became a listener of KPop. Thats when I began to act different characters: I act, I dance, I even tried to enter guitar lesson (impulsive), I even began to "shoot" a film. There were episode that took me almost a day of MD. The next day, I cried. I WAS TERRIFIED. Despite all of that, I cant stop not uttering a line.
Fast forward, I am at my third year studying
Psychology. It is still there.. AND I AM STILL TERRIFIED. You can totally assume I am crying while typing. I am scared about my future. Because of the disruption MD has made throughout my span, I dont know if I can focus more. Illness or not, MD disrupts my ego. MD destroys me.
I dont embrace it. I hate it. I despise it. Yet its still in me. Activating unconsciously. Later I found myself in distraught on a corner.
I am glad I found this community. I have this once in a lifetime opportunity to be able to let out my frustrations and concerns about this disorder. Even my family dont know my situation. And never would I let them found out until I could able to finally beat this hell out. Again, I am very thankful especially to the administrators who founded this forum. Thank you
I am desperately searching answers to what is happening to me. Because I really know that this is not right.
I don't know when it started. But as young kid, it is natural to play a "role-play". I did it to my toys. I named my dolls, cars, etc. and given them life. It came to the point when I make a story played by my fingers (characterizing each of them). It was fun; I was having a blast. And since then, it grew in me.
I became totally conscious when I entered high school. I was hit by the reality that I was talking to no one. It became delirious when I became a listener of KPop. Thats when I began to act different characters: I act, I dance, I even tried to enter guitar lesson (impulsive), I even began to "shoot" a film. There were episode that took me almost a day of MD. The next day, I cried. I WAS TERRIFIED. Despite all of that, I cant stop not uttering a line.
Fast forward, I am at my third year studying
Psychology. It is still there.. AND I AM STILL TERRIFIED. You can totally assume I am crying while typing. I am scared about my future. Because of the disruption MD has made throughout my span, I dont know if I can focus more. Illness or not, MD disrupts my ego. MD destroys me.I dont embrace it. I hate it. I despise it. Yet its still in me. Activating unconsciously. Later I found myself in distraught on a corner.
I am glad I found this community. I have this once in a lifetime opportunity to be able to let out my frustrations and concerns about this disorder. Even my family dont know my situation. And never would I let them found out until I could able to finally beat this hell out. Again, I am very thankful especially to the administrators who founded this forum. Thank you
