I am desperately searching answers to what is happening to me. Because I really know that this is not right.
I don't know when it started. But as young kid, it is natural to play a "role-play". I did it to my toys. I named my dolls, cars, etc. and given them life. It came to the point when I make a story played by my fingers (characterizing each of them). It was fun; I was having a blast. And since then, it grew in me.
I became totally conscious when I entered high school. I was hit by the reality that I was talking to no one. It became delirious when I became a listener of KPop. Thats when I began to act different characters: I act, I dance, I even tried to enter guitar lesson (impulsive), I even began to "shoot" a film. There were episode that took me almost a day of MD. The next day, I cried. I WAS TERRIFIED. Despite all of that, I cant stop not uttering a line.
Fast forward, I am at my third year studying Psychology. It is still there.. AND I AM STILL TERRIFIED. You can totally assume I am crying while typing. I am scared about my future. Because of the disruption MD has made throughout my span, I dont know if I can focus more. Illness or not, MD disrupts my ego. MD destroys me.
I dont embrace it. I hate it. I despise it. Yet its still in me. Activating unconsciously. Later I found myself in distraught on a corner.
I am glad I found this community. I have this once in a lifetime opportunity to be able to let out my frustrations and concerns about this disorder. Even my family dont know my situation. And never would I let them found out until I could able to finally beat this hell out. Again, I am very thankful especially to the administrators who founded this forum. Thank you
Hello Joanrei Welcome to DDIB. I have been there where MD made any task requiring any amount of focus nearly impossible. I have also spent days at a time doing nothing except daydreaming and most basic daily tasks. Things did improve when i started making a conscious effort to be more present and engaging with real people in the real world. You will do better too. Best of luck.
It's understandable to feel scared about MD. It can be quite terrifying how much of our time gets eaten up by daydreaming and how difficult it is to focus and stay present.
I've found that being able to talk to people on this forum--people who understand what it is you're going through--is helpful in alleviating some of the fear that I felt before I was a part of this community.
Don't give up what you want most for what you want now.