I am really unsure how to start this introduction.
You guys can call me Sam, my pronouns are she/her, I'm 23 years old and I live in the USA. Like many of you, I've been through a lot in my life and suffer from major depression disorder and have severe anxiety. I've always been imaginative and would day dream quite a lot, but it wasn't until I was in my teenage years that I began to use it as a coping mechanism. I would weave these intricate fantasies about fantasy worlds that I would derive from video games, movies, books etc. I would escape so severely, that at some moments, I would convince myself they were real and that these daydreams were realities.
Even now as I sit here typing this, my mind is wandering. I have a long running "story" in my mind that I have been dreaming up for years now, and any new fixation of mine is added to that story. It's come to the point now where these stories and dreams of mine actively rule my life and I try to avoid things that I know I will latch onto. I used to think this was all "teenage angst", you know? The obsession with these stories in books and video games, the obsession with these characters that I become so enraptured with. To deal with these obsessions, i'll daydream or even go as far as to read (or even attempt to write) fanfiction to help.
I'm not if that is the same as a maladaptive daydream, but all I know is that I feel like I'm hardly living a life outside of my mind. Nothing gives me the same kind of pleasure or stimuli and I think that's why I'm sitting here, introducing myself on this forum with tears in my eyes. I don't want to keep living like this, I want to be able to enjoy fictional things without them over taking my life. I bounce between one hyper fixation to the next.
I know with COVID19, all of these feelings are exacerbated and hard to overcome. I'm just looking for help at this point.
Thanks for reading this, I hope it's not too all over the place.
I completely agree that Covid has made MD and many other mental health issues much harder to deal with and given one of the main ways to limit daydreaming is to stay active so its been so much harder trying to find ways to distract ourselves from out daydreams.