Last three weeks i have done something i should have never done. There are things that i did which i regret but never put actions against them. Last semester I had given up on my final jury work because i couldn't get myself out of my daydreaming self. this semester, the same is happening and i am being outright ridiculous. Within two weeks i have my final jury and i have to prepare loads of work but the pressure makes me give up on it within hours. I keep on daydreaming that i ace my work and get what not recognition but i haven't even completed the bare minimum work required for this. I berate myself day in and out and have no courage to face my faculties. For now i left in an application that i suffered for covid and had to be hospitalized, but in reality i had just daydreamt every single day and watched yt, passing through my guilt like that. I know this is being outright inhumane and ridiculous(i don't even have words for myself to cuss with). Still i don't want to fail this semester again. I am writing this down because somewhere i know i need some form of reality check because this all is a secret that i have kept from everyone and have acted nonchalantly about every student hardworking around me. i wanted to share to realize that i am nowhere near of what i have daydreamt and it will be good if i stop now and work my way out of this mess. I want to promise myself today to work through this and contact my faculties tomorrow whether its too late or not. thanks for reading
I'm not sure what you mean by jury, but I'm assuming it has something to do with a degree? Anyways, I understand it can be hard to knuckle down and do your degree work, and I don't mean to be rude but imagine failing out of college? What do you have going for you other than that? I know the daydreams are pulling, especially when you can just daydream imagine passing. And perhaps in your daydreams you say something great during your jury thing. Put that into the actual presentation. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Make your daydream work for you. You can do this and you can get your degree! Don't give up hope! I believe you can do it!
I don't know, what the Covid restrictions in your country are, but if there is a way, I would try to work with a studying buddy or at least work somewhere outside, where you can be around other people. If that's not possible, maybe you could find somebody to skype with while you're working. Having somebody else see me or even control me is what usually gets me to work. As it sounds it's not about bringing the best result right now, but just not to be empty handed. Also, I would always try to start working first thing in the morning. No eating, no dressing, just set everything on production mood. Well, this is what helps me, maybe this helps you, too.
today my mom got a call from college asking why i wasn't attending any of my classes. we have a talk where she just couldn't understand how i could loose all of my confidence in work. i just have become this ball of excuses with no answer to my irresponsible behavior. everything seems so weird right now, i feel so embarassed and i want to just run away although knowing how important tthis semester is for me. i cannot calm myself right now and just feel like dying somewhere. i don't have the courage to face anything in my life. i wonder how i got to this mess.