Hi I'm not really sure whether im in the right place but I have a hard time with imagining fictional characters watching me all the time. It's not like a creepy sort of stare but they're always just there observing. It can be a kpop idol, someone from a TV show I've watched or even a book character. They don't even have to be my favourites to appear and observe. It affects what I'm doing because I sometimes feel embarrassed to do certain things even while I'm aware that I am alone in a certain place. I don't speak to "them" but I have an uncontrollable urge to explain myself and I often end up repeating the same scenario "rewinding time" to get it perfect. It's like I'm trying to please "them". It doesn't affect me as much when I'm in a large group but when I'm alone I can imagine them there, watching everything I do.
I used to daydream a lot, again repeating the same scenes over and over until its just right.
I do that too! I always have since I was a kid, and it does make things awkward. For me, whenever I'm doing history work or listening to old music, I feel like the people are looking down upon me or watching me. My normal MD characters watch me too. To ease the situation, I try to interact with them in my daydreams. I also repeat scenes until it's perfectly right, and sometimes reflecting on them with my daydream characters help. Like, we talk a lot, and sometimes we have a podcast or talk show and that really helps sometimes to just talk with them on how things went, even though we have the power to redo it all over.
I do that and have done ever since I started MD as a teen. I imagine actors from favourite TV shows or films, observing everything I do and if, for example, I'm at work and I do something foolish and show myself up, I feel embarrassed in front of them, even though I know that they aren't really there. A lot of the time though I'm pretending that I'm my main character and just think to myself 'that didn't happen, as she would never do something stupid', so they would have never seen it anyway. I hope this makes sense.
I do this all the time ! Actually I’m struggling with it a lot lately so I’m glad your talking about it. I feel like now it’s got to the stage where the smallest thing I do- taking out rubbish or walking to the kitchen- even when doing these things they are there watching. I feel this pressure to perform for them somehow, so I start talking to myself or use a previous daydream and almost act it out. I don’t know if I’m making sense but I feel like I always have to put on a show for them. Worst part is I never get to interact with them. I’ve tried to have daydreams with the audience of characters that watch me and I just can’t talk to them for some reason. It’s like my brain just won’t let me turn the dynamic from audience- performer to person- person. I just can’t get myself out of wanting them to watch me for some kind of validation. It’s as if, if they were ever people and I just had a normal and standard conversation with them, then their purpose would be gone and they would be removed from my daydreaming world. Very frustrating stuff.