I don’t know where to begin. Even as I write this I'm on the verge of tears. Im so happy I'm not alone in this. That there are others out there who can relate. I’ve been daydreaming since I was a young child. About six years old. At six I experienced my first real trauma. I was molested for the span of about a year. When it was happening and after I would zone out into my head. I would take characters from my favorite shows and make them my friends. They’d be with me constantly. Not in sight but in my head, which felt the same. I became obsessed with movies because then I could create new characters. I was a lonely kid who was bullied and didn’t have many friends. So I created friends. It was really bad before I told my Mom what had been happening to me, and she got me help. I started having compulsions to count things around that time too. Everything in threes or even numbers. If it didn’t end in threes or an even number it would annoy the heck out of me. But I didn’t give it much attention. Over time I experienced new traumas, and I basically started living in my day dreams. I created an entire world that had a lore and background characters. I spent so much time alone that in my room I’d act out my day dreams. I’d burst into laughter, or tears. I’d sit beside characters who had died or were dying within the imaginary world. I was perfect there. In my world I wasn’t fat, I wasn’t lonely, and I felt like I belonged. When I was eight I had my first realization that I was doing it. I was in class, bored out of my mind, and suddenly one of the characters (Kovu from The Lion King: Simba’s Pride) began having a conversation with me. I was responding in my head and was really into the conversation, until the bell rang and I realized I had no idea what was discussed that day in class. At the moment I knew maybe something was wrong, but I loved it. I loved not being me. Years went by and at 13 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety. This was after multiple hospitalizations, self harming, and threats and failed suicide attempts. At this point I never left my day dream world. I’d sit in class and completely zone out. I’d be eager to get home so I could be alone and daydream. YouTube and anime was my enemy as it fed my imagination. Now I had a ton of characters and worlds they would be squeezed into. At 13 I was literally losing my mind and driving my mother(My closest friend and amazing person) crazy. After time I began talking about my compulsions but not my dream world. I explain how I had to count everything and do certain “rituals.” I’d count my fingers and darn near everything else. If I messed up I’d shake my head and start over. It was and is agony. But I feel like I have to or a huge sense of dread comes over me. Ok so after I’ve gone to several hospitals, residential, and multiple out patients, I was getting better. I day dreamed far less and was actually able to tell the difference. And then my OCD hit full speed. I was doing so well and then I began having horrible intrusive thoughts that drove me to the point of wanting to kill myself. So back to residential I went and was properly diagnosed with OCD. From that point until know I’ve been able to live after getting help and the right medication. I day dream a lot, almost all day, but I still am able to get things done. The thought of letting go of my characters breaks my heart and makes me so . My world is more on an escape. If it doesn’t hinder my real life do I have to stop? I only really go there now when I’m bored or frustrated. I was able to graduate with my AA and have been adulting pretty well. I just don’t know where to go from here.
If you don’t feel that MD is interfering with your ability to function or otherwise affecting you negatively, there’s no reason to try to stop. It’s often used as a coping mechanism, which is most likely what happened in your case. You might feel the need to daydream less if you work through your trauma and mental illnesses (I have no idea what therapy you’ve done over the years) and develop other coping skills.
As someone else diagnosed with bipolar disorder and OCD, I empathize with how messed up it can make you. Escaping reality is a huge relief when your real life feels like hell on earth.
Don't give up what you want most for what you want now.