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Post by dd42 on Jul 16, 2021 16:11:39 GMT
Hi everyone I've had MD since I was about 6yrs old, although I've only been able to identify it recently, whilst researching my current problem. Prior to the instance I'm about to describe, my MD hasn't proven to be much of a problem, in fact the opposite, it helped me cope with real life and I loved the characters, plots etc, which I curated and maintained in their entirety and would expand upon everyday. About 9 months ago, I had what I've come to call, a switch flip moment, suddenly my MD stopped triggering as often or as vividly and as time has gone on, the situation has become much worse and the impact on my mind has increased to effect my memory (both MD and non-MD related), my ability to visualise things in my head (obviously this is closely associated with MD), creativity/writing ability, ability to engage and comprehend all media and, what I would consider to be general intelligence. Apart from 2-3 second bursts of boring unabsorbing images, none of which relate to my previously established characters, plots or settings (the key elements of this I can only dimly recall and a lot of the nuances/individual stories have been forgotten) my MD has now stopped completely. As you can probably understand this has been distressing. Has anyone else experienced a situation akin to this? If so how did you restore your abilities? And cope in the interim? MD has been my main outlet for reducing stress and anxiety, I'm really  I can get through life without it. |
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Post by james on Jul 24, 2021 20:56:57 GMT
Hi
I’m James , 47 , live in Yorkshire, England
Been Mdding for almost 40 years
Read your story
Had all the symptoms, complicated plots , highly planned, angry if disturbed, clicking fingers , blinking eyes , preferred to actual real life
Now , alone , divorced , broke , but proud of still working and being frontline Nhs during this pandemic
My Mdd world began as a child’s ill advised response to trauma and abuse and also encompassed a variety of often health related overlapping OCD , anxiety issues
18 months ago I I had a health scare which resolved but caused this brain that was a 99% focussed Ferrari DD machine to have the wheels come off and everything imploded inside
No access to DD , no personality, no opinions
So I hear you
Seek and google help as more and more therapists become aware
Confide in someone
No more secrets
It’s a genuine mental health problem and is becoming legitimate
Feel welcome to post back as no one else does
Be brave, and do some good for someone everyday
Best wishes
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Post by dd42 on Jul 25, 2021 22:25:18 GMT
Hi
Thank you for your reply.
I guess I really want that part of me back, but have real stress and anxiety issues, my memory has taken a plummet too. My creativity has just completely run dry, I can't enjoy anything anymore. I've developed severe stress and now can't remember a single thing about my MD, how it felt etc, which makes it hard to gain the motivation to get it back. To piggyback off your car analogy, I'm not even sure now if I had a car in the first place. I too suffer from OCD though I can't even find the motivation to be scared about that anymore and as my OCD is closely connected to my MD that doesn't help, as were essencially all my other fears, everything I did was associated with my MD, I don't enjoy life anymore or paticularly remember it. I'm surprised I can even form sentences, because I feel like I'm just shutting down. I can't adequately explain it as I don't really understand it anymore, even things I try really hard to get in to, I just can't anymore. I also had dissociative issues from my MD, they've gone now to. My physical disability was also a key factor in my MD's development and I'm left having to deal with that too, all this stress can not be good for my brain, but I struggle to destress as my MD was my main method and all my other methods were closely assosiated with it. I used to channel my MD into writing and the like, which I can no longer do.TBH the initial scare that triggered my switch-flip was directly related to my dissociative issues, or a least I think so. I really wish I'd wriiten stuff down before things got this bad. I was never really open about the extent of my MD before and I struggle to believe myself.
I've sought help but I don't feel like anyone understands where I was, and I'm scared that things won't get back to where they were, people tell me not to obsess over it but it's an absence I can simply not deal with. I'm hoping neurological and psychological support will get me back. I hope that others suffering can also be helped.
Have you been able to find anyone/anything to help? I am worried that those from whom I'm seeking support, for all their good will, lack the understanding to treat my condition and help me regain my ability.
I realise I am rambling, sorry. Thank you so much for validating my issues.
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Post by lucylucid on Jul 26, 2021 0:58:08 GMT
Hi, I'm new here and this my first time posting. I know how you feel. When I went through a depression, I lost my daydreams too. It was scary for me because I used them for the same reason as you did, as a release from anxiety. Mine came back after I stopped taking a prescription that was causing me to experience depressive symptoms. I has to switch meds after things got too bad, and my daydreams came back once I did. I know that's not possible for you to do, but my point is that it may be depression related because depression can cause problems with memory and the ability to enjoy things you used to love doing (it's called anhedonia). I'm no therapist so I can't diagnose you with anything, but that's my two cents on what may be happening but I would recommend you talk to a professional and hang in there. It's gonna be ok.
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Post by james on Aug 16, 2021 18:02:33 GMT
It’s not gonna be ok losing MD
I’ve lost it and I’m left alone with a empty head
Just blackness
I take none prescribed prescription medication
It’s not worked for me as anything good in real life fuelled a daydreaming session and the session often fuelled any enjoyment of real life so I almost sat between the two but preferred the first
What can I offer
Concentrate with everything you have on the real world whilst fighting off the monster
Find a hobby , volunteer,write , I am going to write my 40 years of memoirs
It will probably change nothing , it might make me rich , it won’t mean anything
But it may make someone feel less alone
That’s all
Thanks
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Post by sllefever on Oct 26, 2021 11:10:08 GMT
I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the US, but what is so bizarre, is that up until about an hour ago, I had never actually heard anyone talk about Maladaptive Daydreaming. I find this extremely distressing as I had this condition for years, and suffered through it completely alone. Like the first writer, it wasn't until the Daydreaming suddenly went away that I actually was forced to face my reality. But, while that transition was horrible, and I lost my most valued coping mechanism, in the end it was a blessing in disguise. I was, at that time, completely devastated by this loss. I remember feeling so isolated and alone, because who could possibly understand that the reason I was so miserable was because of the sudden loss of my immensely vivid, totally absorbing, and wholly escapist fantasy life? I wanted it so desperately to come back, that it almost brought me to the brink of self-destruction. But, and this may not be what you want to hear, by having to face "the real world" without my biggest crutch, I've gained a truly wonderful, very real, very pleasurable life. That transition though was totally terrifying and difficult for many years. I wouldn't say that I've completely "recovered," as I now understand that my Maladaptive Daydreaming was a way to cope with an extstensive amount of trauma, so it certainly served a purpose at that time, but the ability to live in the "real world" has utterly transformed me. I am now a fully functional human being. When I was living in my fantasies, I was unable to cope with nearly anything. I devoted almost all of my time to this other life, and I was completely isolated and completely unable to manage even the simplest task. So, while at the time, losing my ability to fantasize felt like a curse, it has opened up a whole new world to me. One that I never thought I could have. So, my only suggestion is simply to hang in there. I think writing down these thoughts is an excellent idea, and face your demons, no matter how painful that process is. There is a world beyond your fantasy life. I do recommend finding a therapist who is understanding and empathic. I also recommend using a forum like this to work through the loss of your fantasies with other peers who understand the trauma of that loss. I certainly wish I had it when it happened to me. But, there is a value to living in the "real world" and, at least for me, my daydreaming kept me from dealing with all the things that had haunted me for so long. It wasn't helping me in the end, because like any drug, it made me avoid all the things I legitimately needed to take a long, hard look at. I feel that the loss of my fantasies allowed me to finally find the love and purpose I had always wanted, but in a very real way, not just in the realm of my dreams. I'm if this will help you through this difficult time, but know there is hope on the other side. Be well. |
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I can get through life without it.