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Post by fellowmder on Sept 13, 2021 14:03:29 GMT
I am a 3rd year uni student, and for a background i failed a semester and almost failed the 4th one, my professor was just generous enough to put in a good grade. During that last year of going back and forth from home to hostel at the college in the midst of pandemic, i made many excuses of not completing my work or not being upto the mark and bunking classes (while frankly i was just daydreaming all that time and not being responsible about my work). they were some serious excuses i made that i should be ashamed of but i don't think i am.
this semester, i am at the hostel full time, trying to study with everyone else but somewhere i just know things are going back to the way they were a year before. 1 1/2 months have passed and i have already taken two leaves in the name of medical problem, while infact i just couldn't do my work. i easily break under pressure as always and as a way to escape that i always daydream with higher and higher expectations of what my work should be. eventually it never is like that and i feel even more dejected. up until now ill get out of it, but slowly i am rolling back to my old habits cause i think this loop is never going to end, everyday ill show up with incomplete work at the desk and feel embarrassed in front of the class (that is the very reason i bunk them). i don't deny i waste a lot of time daydreaming and work through the night to complete the assignment- i know where the error lies but currently it has become so pressurizing that i am breaking apart under that and i am just trying to feel optimistic that this week will also pass but i don't think it will. that shit load of expectations i have of me also never help me. i finally thought after 3 years of taking this course what my goal is, but looking at what kind of excuse making machine i am, i don't think i can achieve that goal. Those disappointed faces of my parents and brother just keep hovering over me, like i know i am gonna fail this as well. cause every single week is the same, every single day is the same and the worst thing is i don't change myself in the slightest.
I do feel pretty hopeless nowadays, everyday it seems like i just turn back to the same page, same week, same embarrassment and jealousy towards the people who have flawless work on board. i have no idea how to lower my expectations and not daydream about my work, and how to just micro manage daydream at least for this semester so that i don't fail it.
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Post by sarahmoradi on Sept 13, 2021 18:59:53 GMT
I've been wondering for months why I daydream
And I wrote down the reasons that make me dream.
Reasons such as laziness, not having any friends, not having any love and
Born in a country like Iran and Lack of sufficient facilities in the persian literature university where I study and...
And then I tried to solve my problems bit by bit.why? Because not having the things I mentioned to you makes me dream.
I think if we realize our roots and shortcomings, daydreaming will stop.
Because it makes us try to eliminate the shortcomings
And we will actually be the person we imagined
I hope my words will help you and make you feel better, dear friend.
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Post by fellowmder on Sept 14, 2021 13:20:54 GMT
Thanks Sarah! though for me, it has been now close to 5 years dealing with academics and daydreaming together, the problem is I have just become numb to my average behavior. me not being able to act under slightest pressure, or me just ignoring the fact that i have loads of things to do and the me that still thinks i am either better than others or worse than average- these thoughts have been kind of there for 5 years. I know the reasons why i daydream but i am scared to face those insecurities plus, this semester i don;t want to try facing such emotional challenges that might shift my focus or worse break me down to a point that it is hard to recover from it (this happened during my semester where i ended up failing). i know working on what causes all of this is important but for now i just want to try controlling my emotions (nowadays i daydream more based on emotions than on music or video type triggers) and daydreaming so i utilize all my time in working.
any idea of how to micro control these daydreams
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fairytale
Active Daydreamer
you are not a mistake
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Post by fairytale on Sept 14, 2021 16:05:10 GMT
Thanks Sarah! though for me, it has been now close to 5 years dealing with academics and daydreaming together, the problem is I have just become numb to my average behavior. me not being able to act under slightest pressure, or me just ignoring the fact that i have loads of things to do and the me that still thinks i am either better than others or worse than average- these thoughts have been kind of there for 5 years. I know the reasons why i daydream but i am scared to face those insecurities plus, this semester i don;t want to try facing such emotional challenges that might shift my focus or worse break me down to a point that it is hard to recover from it (this happened during my semester where i ended up failing). i know working on what causes all of this is important but for now i just want to try controlling my emotions (nowadays i daydream more based on emotions than on music or video type triggers) and daydreaming so i utilize all my time in working. any idea of how to micro control these daydreams Learning to let go can help. Not everything has to be resolved especially when it comes to emotions. Sometime the emotions and the reason for it can not be explained easily. From what you wrote you seem to be highly emotional. I used to be the same until it overwhelmed me and I could no longer feel any emotions, I hope you don't end up like me. I wish I learnt to let go of things earlier but I can't change the past. You don't have to control your emotions either just know that its not wrong to be emotional and breaking down is alright too. Remember its not your mistake. Forgive your self, move on and try to do better next time. Please remember that you can't run forever but that doesn't mean you have to face it all at once. Take it slow.
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Post by sarahmoradi on Sept 15, 2021 6:16:23 GMT
I wish for all of us to achieve behavioral stability in daydreaming. I hope you work a little on stability and reducing your daydreaming after your college semester Although I know dreaming will never stop completely because We humans always have dreams and shortcomings in life that make us dream.
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Post by fellowmder on Sept 24, 2021 6:45:51 GMT
Learning to let go can help. Not everything has to be resolved especially when it comes to emotions. Sometime the emotions and the reason for it can not be explained easily. From what you wrote you seem to be highly emotional. I used to be the same until it overwhelmed me and I could no longer feel any emotions, I hope you don't end up like me. I wish I learnt to let go of things earlier but I can't change the past. You don't have to control your emotions either just know that its not wrong to be emotional and breaking down is alright too. Remember its not your mistake. Forgive your self, move on and try to do better next time. Please remember that you can't run forever but that doesn't mean you have to face it all at once. Take it slow.
Thanks for the advice. though i always wonder whether forgiving myself today will actually help me at all in the future. Cause i do forgive myself a lot- i am always like ok, whatever happened happened, lets not do it again, lets not waste time daydreaming for no reason. But, the more i forgive, the more worse i turn out to be- I go back to the same page, the scenario never changes. This increases the potential of me daydreaming even more cause the things that happened in the past, happen again for me today. (this is more like a procrastinator's babbling than a daydreamer's but i do feel me relying on my daydreaming to tackle my present emotions leads to more and more procrastination, inturn making me want to daydream). The biggest reason I think why i daydream is the absence of ever achieving anything or being someone with a certain personality and goal in her life, attributes i think i had before i started maladaptive daydreaming. And i do feel that the only way i can deal with my current emotions is to actually become someone in real life. I very well know that all of these problems more so exist because of my habits, a habit to daydream, binge watch and eat. I want to try things that would step-wise help me manage myself- more like direct my thoughts about failure and embarrassment into something that is actually rewarding. Somehow, i just want to make myself goal-oriented and responsible, someone i used to be 5 years ago. |
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fairytale
Active Daydreamer
you are not a mistake
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Post by fairytale on Sept 24, 2021 8:15:40 GMT
Learning to let go can help. Not everything has to be resolved especially when it comes to emotions. Sometime the emotions and the reason for it can not be explained easily. From what you wrote you seem to be highly emotional. I used to be the same until it overwhelmed me and I could no longer feel any emotions, I hope you don't end up like me. I wish I learnt to let go of things earlier but I can't change the past. You don't have to control your emotions either just know that its not wrong to be emotional and breaking down is alright too. Remember its not your mistake. Forgive your self, move on and try to do better next time. Please remember that you can't run forever but that doesn't mean you have to face it all at once. Take it slow.
Thanks for the advice. though i always wonder whether forgiving myself today will actually help me at all in the future. Cause i do forgive myself a lot- i am always like ok, whatever happened happened, lets not do it again, lets not waste time daydreaming for no reason. But, the more i forgive, the more worse i turn out to be- I go back to the same page, the scenario never changes. This increases the potential of me daydreaming even more cause the things that happened in the past, happen again for me today. (this is more like a procrastinator's babbling than a daydreamer's but i do feel me relying on my daydreaming to tackle my present emotions leads to more and more procrastination, inturn making me want to daydream). The biggest reason I think why i daydream is the absence of ever achieving anything or being someone with a certain personality and goal in her life, attributes i think i had before i started maladaptive daydreaming. And i do feel that the only way i can deal with my current emotions is to actually become someone in real life. I very well know that all of these problems more so exist because of my habits, a habit to daydream, binge watch and eat. I want to try things that would step-wise help me manage myself- more like direct my thoughts about failure and embarrassment into something that is actually rewarding. Somehow, i just want to make myself goal-oriented and responsible, someone i used to be 5 years ago. I can understand that you want become who you were once, I did the same but it did not do any good. I tried to be the same person I was before I started DDing because it was better than the person who DDs all day and does nothing else. It took me a long while to figure out that I was looking at the past forgetting that I have a present and future. I may be worse than the past but that doesn't mean I will be the worst version of my self. I had to realize that who I was in the past is the past. Right now at this moment I have to just become better than I was yesterday. I don't have to go back to be me. Even if I move forward I will be myself. This person right now is me. I just have to be a little bit better for myself.
As for procrastinating, you will have to work through it a little by little. Try to do your work rather than finish it. Finishing your work is easy but to actually do it is the challenge. You can try to do it little by little, you will finish it eventually.
The past will repeat itself, you will relapse but remember you will get through it. If you need any help just post it here. We will definitely help. |
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Post by fellowmder on Oct 25, 2021 4:49:19 GMT
Thankyou fairytale. It means a lot to me for being able to talk to someone atleast on these matters. I haven't done anything for almost a month now. I have just kinda numbed myself from stress or guilt. last full week I binged eat like anything, didn't lift a pen and just stayed on my bed daydreaming. I wasted a lot of money eating fast food and literally lost myself this week. I just feel i am being lazy now and puitting all the blame to daydreaming. Somewhere in my head i have already configured that i am going to fail all my subjects and there is no hope kinda trying. I want to get out of this rut but not trying will not take me anywhere.
I think i just kinda need everyday motivation pills or something to motivate myself to work. But i do know that waiting for something to happen or someone to scold you or something is not gonna turn the tables, it has never. My mom always asked me why i never had a goal to start with that could inspire me in the long run. i do not have one to start with but i cannot wait for it either.
I don't know if all of that made sense but i just wanted to ask how do you deal with this negativity
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Post by daydreamingfighter on Jan 23, 2022 0:46:46 GMT
Reading what you have written...I noticed a lot of suffering. Daydreaming really affects our lifes in a negative way.
We just don' t know how to controll it. I understand you because I also tried to deal with it while stydying at university.
I didn't get my work done and I felt so guilty! There is a lot of suffering as a consecuence of Maladaptative Daydreaming. And the worst is that I am so ashamed of being a daydreamer that I haven' t told anyone (apart from people of internet that have the same condition as me).
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