Post by megant on Nov 3, 2021 9:12:17 GMT
Hi everyone,
I started to MD as a child and its been a big source of shame ever since. The only person I've told before this post was a counsellor I had about 15 years ago when I was suffering from depression (I was in my mid-20s then). She reassured me that I was NOT mad because I knew it wasn't real. We explored my daydreams a bit, but it was so embarrassing. I remember her describing it as a movie where I'm the director controlling everything that's going on. Good description! But the MDs have never stopped completely. During the happier times in my life I spend much less time there.
Fast forward to today where I'm now in my early 40s and suffering from depression again and this time I have anxiety as well. Yay :( I'm back in counselling again and coming to the realisation that I have been emotionally abused my Mum and sister my whole life. My MDs are really strong right now and it is having a massive impact on my ability to work and my relationships with my husband and kids. It's only today that I've found out that MD an actual thing! Its such a relief! I've not mentioned it to my current counsellor because of the embarrassment, but I feel safe doing that now.
Despite the compulsion to MD and the comfort that they bring me, I want the MDs to stop. I want to be happy in the real world.
Thanks for reading,
Megan
(I find it amusing that my maiden name initials are MD
Its the little things and all that.)
I started to MD as a child and its been a big source of shame ever since. The only person I've told before this post was a counsellor I had about 15 years ago when I was suffering from depression (I was in my mid-20s then). She reassured me that I was NOT mad because I knew it wasn't real. We explored my daydreams a bit, but it was so embarrassing. I remember her describing it as a movie where I'm the director controlling everything that's going on. Good description! But the MDs have never stopped completely. During the happier times in my life I spend much less time there.
Fast forward to today where I'm now in my early 40s and suffering from depression again and this time I have anxiety as well. Yay :( I'm back in counselling again and coming to the realisation that I have been emotionally abused my Mum and sister my whole life. My MDs are really strong right now and it is having a massive impact on my ability to work and my relationships with my husband and kids. It's only today that I've found out that MD an actual thing! Its such a relief! I've not mentioned it to my current counsellor because of the embarrassment, but I feel safe doing that now.
Despite the compulsion to MD and the comfort that they bring me, I want the MDs to stop. I want to be happy in the real world.
Thanks for reading,
Megan
(I find it amusing that my maiden name initials are MD
Its the little things and all that.)