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Post by smileyblue on Nov 4, 2021 0:02:34 GMT
Hello everyone. I have been maladaptive daydreaming since I was 4 years old and I never knew what it was until I was 17. I’m now 19 and Before 17 I thought I was crazy and so embarrassed that I never told anyone not even my family. I still haven’t told anyone not even my therapist. I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. I was a negative and pessimistic person. I suspect that I have ADHD but I have not been diagnosed. Both my parents and my brother have Been diagnosed with ADHD though. I have used daydreaming as my coping mechanism my whole life. I used it for avoiding my feelings, anxieties, and my loneliness. I’m a very shy person and I don’t even like telling people my interest and likes because I’m afraid of judgment. My maladaptive daydreaming got worse when my mom died. I was only 12 years old and I never really had a childhood past that. In school I was so socially anxious that I only had 2 friends and never ate in the lunch room. I was a loner and I did everything to avoid being looked at. Academically I was doing great. I never went to dances or even prom. I graduated valedictorian but I didn’t care because I had destroyed myself for those achievements. I am a pathological perfectionist and my grades were my self worth. I had burnout my senior year really bad and it continued even after I graduated. I used maladaptive daydreaming to escape every day. Recently I read Dr. joe dispenza book how to break the habit of being yourself and it’s changing my life. It’s giving me the tools to become self aware of my feeling, thoughts and actions.it gave me The tools to mediate and studying it has given me hope. I’m fighting against maladaptive daydreaming eveyday. It helps me deal with my traumas and grow. My triggers are tv and music. There are days I just want to binge watch tv but I’m fighting against it. I dont want to be my old self again. I was never loving to me and daydreaming took the energy away from me to be creative as a musician and singer. Today I decided to do something the old me would never do and that’s join a support group. I never tell people my feelings to the point where there has been times where I have been so depressed that I was suicidal. I have been so stressed that I lost a lot of weight , developed high blood pressure and became sick. This book is teaching me that we can all overcome our conditionings and circumstances. Before I let the outside world dictate how I felt internally but now I’m growing a real relationship with myself. I just hope that this reaches somebody and that they know that life will and can be better. Everything is a process so please give yourself love and understanding and stop judging yourself.
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