Post by scout on Dec 7, 2021 4:01:03 GMT
I often "speak" lengthy monologues in my head. Sometimes I imagine that I am being interviewed, or I start 
about a complexity--a philosophical problem, societal issues, matters of identity--and I feel the need to explain my theories ad nauseum in my head, in full well-constructed sentences. I am more well-spoken in fantasy than in real life--I often have trouble expressing my ideas due to social anxiety. These monologues will sound crystal clear--I can hear my voice in my head. It's not an auditory hallucination, I'm simply talking in my head. Sometimes I change facial expressions and mouth the words. It can go on for half an hour or more, and it dissociates me from reality even more than my visual daydreams (I've always been verbally inclined). I will be internally monologuing while I get ready for work, finding my keys, checking that the stove is off, walking to work, hanging my coat up, and then I'll be like--how did I get to work? And I probably forgot to bring lunch.
This really wears me out. I find that it happens when I've gotten plenty of sleep and have a lot of energy. I daydream visually when I am very tired and my anxiety is harder to control--those are the daydreams about other people, things I wish would happen or are afraid of happening, etc. But for some reason when I have had plenty of sleep, my intellectual monologuer feels the need to bring me down to my normal state of semi-tired anxiety. Why am I more comfortable when I'm uncomfortable?
Does anyone else experience intense, extended internal monologuing? My therapist suspects I have ADHD. (I've also been treated for BPD, OCD, bipolar, and GAD--Generalized Anxiety Disorder, aka yeeGads! Also I am very introverted and spend a lot of time alone. My brother has asperger's, and I share some things with him, but not enough for a diagnosis.)
about a complexity--a philosophical problem, societal issues, matters of identity--and I feel the need to explain my theories ad nauseum in my head, in full well-constructed sentences. I am more well-spoken in fantasy than in real life--I often have trouble expressing my ideas due to social anxiety. These monologues will sound crystal clear--I can hear my voice in my head. It's not an auditory hallucination, I'm simply talking in my head. Sometimes I change facial expressions and mouth the words. It can go on for half an hour or more, and it dissociates me from reality even more than my visual daydreams (I've always been verbally inclined). I will be internally monologuing while I get ready for work, finding my keys, checking that the stove is off, walking to work, hanging my coat up, and then I'll be like--how did I get to work? And I probably forgot to bring lunch. This really wears me out. I find that it happens when I've gotten plenty of sleep and have a lot of energy. I daydream visually when I am very tired and my anxiety is harder to control--those are the daydreams about other people, things I wish would happen or are afraid of happening, etc. But for some reason when I have had plenty of sleep, my intellectual monologuer feels the need to bring me down to my normal state of semi-tired anxiety. Why am I more comfortable when I'm uncomfortable?
Does anyone else experience intense, extended internal monologuing? My therapist suspects I have ADHD. (I've also been treated for BPD, OCD, bipolar, and GAD--Generalized Anxiety Disorder, aka yeeGads! Also I am very introverted and spend a lot of time alone. My brother has asperger's, and I share some things with him, but not enough for a diagnosis.)