I am Helen and i am 20 years old. Since i was a child i loved role plays and things like that, i loved acting so i would spend hours in a room play the princess etc. I was like 8 so it wasnt something to concern anyone, as i grow older i just couldnt stop... I spent hours each day acting fake senarios i think of and sometimes i lose track of time. I make senarios in my head and i just act like i am an actress in a movie, i talk to the fake characters in my stories, i even use my body, its literally like i am making a movie. I always use music at the backround (i choose what song fits each senario) and sometimes i even dress up. Senarios like me breaking up with my fake boyfriend or been a superhero, i do so many things, sometimes i even do darker things like me getting hurt (i wont explain more about it because some people may be triggered) but i am always careful not to hurt myself for real. I take ideas from tv shows/movies and in my imagination there are both fictional characters and people i do know, depends on the storyline i create. If i see a scene in a movie that it thrills me, i will create a storyline in seconds where i am the main lead and the scene happens to me, also i can get inspired by music. I always think about this kind of things even if i am outside, but i never act them out in public or if i know anyone is watching. Also i do this thing were i put a scene from a movie and i will like lipsyng what a character talks about and i feel all the emotions, i even cry if i have too.
My dad died when i was 11, so i thing this trigger me even more (like i said i used to do it long before he died) but its like after his death i felt better everytime i act my senarios.
I suffer from ptsd and anxiety. I am if i have depression (i was never diagnosed with it).
I feel kinda awkward talking about this, because i have never done this before (i was ashamed to talk about this to my therapist too)