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Post by seekingawayout on Dec 19, 2018 5:03:37 GMT
Like the subject would suggest, (as well as my being here to begin with) I’m looking for help. I know that MD is something that many people are capable of living with peacefully, but I’ve shown symptoms all my life and I’m afraid that I’ve missed out on everything that I dreamed about, when I should’ve been interacting with others. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve kept it totally secret because I’m ashamed of having wasted sixteen years of my life and other people’s time. Despite having been submitted to three mental hospitals, (my most recent visit lasting seven days less than two weeks prior to the creation of this thread) I haven’t told anyone the full truth. Every therapist I’ve spoken to has diagnosed me with something other than what I know, all because I won’t admit that I’ve wasted my life on purpose. It got to the point where I tried to commit suicide during a heated argument with my family because I had already been considering it,  that I couldn’t find the motivation to keep living when I found nothing inspiring to live for at all. I want to live for others’ sakes, but only live to continue dreaming, hoping something exciting will happen that makes them a reality. I have to see my psychiatrist soon and I’m afraid of being misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia, even if I clarify that I know the difference between my dreams and reality. So, mostly, I’m looking for advice. But if all I get is endless support, I’ll be grateful, nonetheless. Hell, even something to make me smile— I’ll carry it on my way there. I’ll try my best not to be shy. Thank you. |
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Post by seekingawayout on Dec 19, 2018 6:53:14 GMT
Thank you for responding!
I appreciate your sentiment, as well as your honesty. I guess my fear is feeling the same way, even after I’ve made a living for myself, but I do suppose that those feelings don’t just go away. I guess in time, I’ll build myself up.
I’ll be sure to take your advice. Maybe running as a healthy coping mechanism can also help for me. Right now, I use yoga and general fitness workouts I can do at home, so maybe that can be an alternative to over-exertion from running?
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Post by Dimmer on Dec 19, 2018 15:51:43 GMT
(my most recent visit lasting seven days less than two weeks prior to the creation of this thread) I... I don't know if it's just me... this literally broke my brain. It looks like something Bilbo Baggins would say. Anyway welcome to the forum, the people here are cool but I don't know half of them half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of them half as well as they deserve. |
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Post by Sam on Dec 20, 2018 18:48:37 GMT
I know what its like to feel like you've wasted your whole life. I'm just a few years older than you and I completely understand that feeling, so know you're not alone.
I actually didn't realize that my daydreaming was a problem until after I stopped seeing a therapist, so I've never had to talk to one about the maladaptive daydreaming. Perhaps you could print out (or at least have a link to) some info about maladaptive daydreaming to help your therapist understand it better? I know that the healthline article, at the very least, specifically states that despite the first impressions that people have, maladaptive daydreaming is not schizophrenia or another type of psychosis. Perhaps having that information with you to show them, you might feel more secure in disclosing that information about yourself.
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Post by june on Dec 21, 2018 13:57:13 GMT
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Post by seekingawayout on Dec 22, 2018 7:33:46 GMT
I've been living with maladaptive daydreaming all my life, and I'm in my mid-40s now. I too, feel like so many years were wasted and it depresses me to think I can't get those years back. I didn't even utilize my creativity to my advantage. I just laid out in my bed letting my mind sit in jail.
But I can tell you, as I've told others younger than me that life can and does happen, it's just not going to be the speed at which others live their lives, but it's nothing we still can't find some happiness in. When I talk to people without MD and listen to their problems, I wonder if we're really much different. Everyone has something to blame their resentment on whether it's a bad family, bad marriage, mental illness, MD, it doesn't matter. We never know what lies ahead, and that's when depression clouds over making us believe that nothing improves, so why bother. Well, to put it simply, you don't know that. And your experiences may be helping someone else out in the future, you just never know. You're here, you reached out to a forum full of strangers, and I'm sure you're going to find that many of us feel the same things you do so you don't have to go it alone. I guess that's part of what made my own MD slow down was just talking about it on a forum with people, and calming me down that I wasn't this strange freak who was the only person in the world doing this.
Anyway, I'm glad to see you here, and look forward to your updates. I wish my 16 year-old me could talk to you.  There is so much I doubted and felt like there wasn't a single person who knew what it was like to be me, and I got angry every time someone told me I was being a typical teen. I ached to be respected and treated like an adult, which I was soon to be, if not felt like one already.
We're all here whenever you want to talk - whether it's about MD or something else. I really appreciate your message, especially the parts in bold; those really made me think. You're absolutely right that I can't compare my own style of living to that of others. Now I just have to find the good in mine, and I don't think that'll be so difficult, given some time. I'll try my best to keep in mind that I don't know whether I can improve before I even try. I always wonder what another person my age with the same condition would say, and I think you answered that, too. I always did feel misunderstood, and I'm happy that now, I've found someone that I can relate to. Thank you for sharing that. It makes me feel a lot less nervous about sharing this part of my life with other people in a place much like mine. I hope to talk to you again. P.S. Sorry that the format is a little weird, I'm still getting the hang of it  . |
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Post by seekingawayout on Dec 22, 2018 7:40:06 GMT
(my most recent visit lasting seven days less than two weeks prior to the creation of this thread) I... I don't know if it's just me... this literally broke my brain. It looks like something Bilbo Baggins would say. Anyway welcome to the forum, the people here are cool but I don't know half of them half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of them half as well as they deserve. I agree , I was just trying to be specific for anyone who happens to read this at a later date, or myself, whenever I look back on my progress. But thank you for welcoming me. I'm sure you're right, and they do deserve to be liked. Everyone in this thread seems very compassionate, and you, likewise. |
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Post by seekingawayout on Dec 22, 2018 7:43:05 GMT
Thanks for your response. I did experience abuse, though I don't like to talk about it, so I'll give the video a listen and see if it's right for me. I really appreciate the advice. |
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Post by seekingawayout on Dec 22, 2018 7:47:26 GMT
I know what its like to feel like you've wasted your whole life. I'm just a few years older than you and I completely understand that feeling, so know you're not alone. I actually didn't realize that my daydreaming was a problem until after I stopped seeing a therapist, so I've never had to talk to one about the maladaptive daydreaming. Perhaps you could print out (or at least have a link to) some info about maladaptive daydreaming to help your therapist understand it better? I know that the healthline article, at the very least, specifically states that despite the first impressions that people have, maladaptive daydreaming is not schizophrenia or another type of psychosis. Perhaps having that information with you to show them, you might feel more secure in disclosing that information about yourself. That's really solid advice. I did feel validated after I read the aarticle that brought me here, so maybe my psychologist will understand as well. And thank you for reaffirming that I'm not alone; I try to remember, but I always seem to convince myself otherwise whenever I'm in a negative space in life. It's helpful to finally have someone else say it, too. Thanks for your message. |
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Post by Dimmer on Dec 22, 2018 20:07:47 GMT
I... I don't know if it's just me... this literally broke my brain. It looks like something Bilbo Baggins would say. Anyway welcome to the forum, the people here are cool but I don't know half of them half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of them half as well as they deserve. I agree lol, I was just trying to be specific for anyone who happens to read this at a later date, or myself, whenever I look back on my progress. But thank you for welcoming me. I'm sure you're right, and they do deserve to be liked. Everyone in this thread seems very compassionate, and you, likewise. Oh no, don't worry about that 'half as well as I should like and less than half half as well" is a famous Bilbo quote from The Hobbit, I was just being a smartass. |
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that I couldn’t find the motivation to keep living when I found nothing inspiring to live for at all. I want to live for others’ sakes, but only live to continue dreaming, hoping something exciting will happen that makes them a reality.
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