Hi to everyone! My username is Melopsys and as you can see, I'm new. If you wanna have an MMD friend, here you got me!
Currently I'm 18 years old, but I have been daydreaming since I was 8 years old to cope with my total lack of
When you are a kid, having such imagination is normal, can be really cringy someetimes, but it's okay as long as you grow up, you let go that part of your childhood, but that didn't happen to me.
When I was 8, my main trigger was Pokémon, since it was my favourite thing to watch, my daydreaming was only bassed on TV, but when I learned how to search songs and how to browse on a Wiki, I started getting resources outside television. It didn't improve at 10 years old, because I got into a roleplay forum, I still was into Pokémon (and Digimon) roleplay, so I made friends there, we were an online group of kids around the same age, we were like in Real life friends until I became 12, everyone stopped talking.
So, after a few months alone, I met a new guy, who was 13 at that moment, we had a lot of funny moments but after maybe three years he suddenly left, maybe he got bored being friends for such a long time, we were just friends, he never gave me signals of wanting something more, but he left in 2020 and we are in 2022 already, but I can't still forget him, he is the person who appears the most in my daydreamings. I'm really emotional attached to him because he taught me a lot of useful things and motivated me to improve. This really ashames me since we are not longer friends since 2020 and I'm still
I still have some internet friends but they aren't the same, our chemistry was something more, we had synergy.
My daydreams can be about ANYTHING. In some of them, I'm part of a band and I pretend already released song are OUR songs, in others, I'm a genius who knows the answer of anything. Any cartoon or movie I watch can be a resource to daydream about. Yesterday literally made a Mortal Kombat self, but the thing is that I'm NEVER the actual main character, the main character is someone I pretend to be, a boy who I created on my mind, he is always the main character in different worlds.
It all started with him being a improved version of me, or at least the person I wanted to be: good looks, smart, lonely wolf but still being liked by people, having a lot of potential in singing, drawing, being my old friend's partner, etc. I know about the concept of Maladaptive daydreaming since two years ago, I convinced myself that my case wasn't that bad, until these days I remembered the term and I realise my problem is still as bad as years ago, I spend a lof of time daydreaming and when I'm not, I get because all I imagine isn't true at all, so it feels I'm trying to do my responsabilities just to imagine in peace.
At least I found peace knowing that I'm not the only one, this is a place where I can feel less weird. I never told anyone about this problem because I'm afraid my family will think I'm going crazy, I'm having hallucinations or I'm trying to justify my lazyness.
I can't believe I'm so attached to things that don't exist, so emotionally attached that sometimes I get when some of my characters feel bad. It only began as a coping mechanism for escape from reality because of my lack of social life, having no friends, struggled with bullying in the past and sometimes parental fights but now is like a part of me.
I wanna get rid of this at the same time I don't. I miss my little big world, but I know it consumes my time and makes me feel when I realise everything is false, I can't focus on the present and while I complain about having no friends, at the same time I don't wanna be friends with someone 'cause I rather my imaginary friends. The same goes for love, I can't fall in love with someone else besides my ideal partner. MMD really messed up with my perception of people, I rather people who I created and shaped their personality instead of actual people because I got used to create the "ideal relationships" where I could control anything.