I am losing my mind

As someone who's still doing the same, I can feel the frustration in your words. The way i handle it is by using the little time I m out of md to work as much as I can. This will be a crazy idea at first but when you immerse yourself in your work your MD will have no space. It will creep in at first but you will grow interest in your work little by little. Remember that this will take time. Your MD won't go away but instead you will find a way to live with it. Once you do that you can then try to reduce your MD. It starts with taking over your life little by little. As idiotic as it sounds my anchor to reality was kpop. I started fan-girling as a escape route. My idols inspired me little by little. Their life was my inspiration and their words motivated me. At times it helped me to hold on. It was like they guided me but in reality I guided myself through their word. I understood what I wanted and found a path. The saying that helped me most is " It's not about fighting the winds rather it's about to learning to dance in the storm" . Hope this paves a path.